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#1
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How to shower like a Woman:
· Get in shower. · Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. · Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. · Wash hair again to make sure it's clean. · Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes. · Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes, until red. · Wash entire rest of body with gingernut and jaffa cake body wash. · Shave armpits and legs. · Turn off shower. · Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Exitmould. · Get out of shower. · Dry with towel the size of a small country. · Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. · Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs. · Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. · If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas. __________________________________________________ How to shower like a Man: · Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed. · Leave in a pile. · Walk naked to the bathroom. · If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound. · Look at manly physique in mirror. · Admire size of knob and scratch your bum. · Get in the shower. · Wash your face. · Wash your armpits. · Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. · Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. · Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. · Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap. · Shampoo hair. · Make shampoo mohawk. · Pee. · Rinse off and get out of shower. · Partially dry-off. · Fail to notice water on floor. · Admire knob size in mirror again. · Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. · Return to bedroom with towel around waist. · If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again. · Throw wet towel on bed. |
#2
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well ...
there's really not a whole hell of a lot to add to that is there.. |
#3
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__________________
Boy, I bet you'd stick your head in fire if I told ya you could see Hell. - Otis - House of 1000 Corpses. Quote:
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#4
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That is feindishly insightful. :D
(makes mental note, must start shaking knob at wife while making woo-woo sounds)
__________________
Some misguided people decided I was funny enough to pay. See if they're right: http://www.cracked.com/members/Vodstok/ (I tweet pretty hardcore, too) |
#5
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Quote:
__________________
Boy, I bet you'd stick your head in fire if I told ya you could see Hell. - Otis - House of 1000 Corpses. Quote:
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#6
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"shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound"
thats what my kid does |
#7
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your kid is rude.... teach him some manners. lol
or does he follow in daddies influencing footsteps?? |
#8
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i sneak up behind her and whack her with it. |
#9
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and there she was thinking the neighbours dog was nosing her ass :D |
#10
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now i feel like i need a shower .. you dirty bugger :D |
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