The "How To" thread

[The Flayed One]

We're all good at something, so this thread is for little bits of advice here in there. We need some good conversation up here right now, and I was inspired to do this regarding PeaSoupintheEyes thread. He/she got two very nice responses from Roderick_Usher & Crabapple, which made for a great read. Doesn't matter how professional it is or what the subject matter, just how to do something that you'd like to share.

So to start, I offer up:

How to have a great night for $20

1.) Get to your local Wal-Mart. They usually have a good bargain bin. I find most of them have classic horror movie 2-packs for $5.50. I picked up Night of the Living Dead & Carnival of Souls this way.

2.) On to the local carryout. You should be able to find a nice sized bottle of cheap Vodka for around $10. Vodka doesn't have much of a taste, so you can mix it with about anything you want. OJ is always nice, and the frozen cans will run you about $.99 each. One should be enough for the purpose.

3.) The local grocer usually has some cheap oven bake pizzas for around $1 each. Grab a can of mushrooms or olives or an onion/whatever for around $.99 to add to them a little.

Get home, turn off the lights and hang out with a good buddy. You'll be watching classic horror, drinking screwdrivers & eating a decent meal for $20.

[Zero]

Originally Posted by The Flayed One

We're all good at something, so this thread is for little bits of advice here in there. We need some good conversation up here right now, and I was inspired to do this regarding PeaSoupintheEyes thread. He/she got two very nice responses from Roderick_Usher & Crabapple, which made for a great read. Doesn't matter how professional it is or what the subject matter, just how to do something that you'd like to share.

So to start, I offer up:

How to have a great night for $20

1.) Get to your local Wal-Mart. They usually have a good bargain bin. I find most of them have classic horror movie 2-packs for $5.50. I picked up Night of the Living Dead & Carnival of Souls this way.

2.) On to the local carryout. You should be able to find a nice sized bottle of cheap Vodka for around $10. Vodka doesn't have much of a taste, so you can mix it with about anything you want. OJ is always nice, and the frozen cans will run you about $.99 each. One should be enough for the purpose.

3.) The local grocer usually has some cheap oven bake pizzas for around $1 each. Grab a can of mushrooms or olives or an onion/whatever for around $.99 to add to them a little.

Get home, turn off the lights and hang out with a good buddy. You'll be watching classic horror, drinking screwdrivers & eating a decent meal for $20.

can i borrow $20??

[AmericanManiac]

I would do that but my wally world doesn't have and horror movies in the bargin bin whatsoever ! :eek: Can you believe that, I now officially really do not like walmart !

[Phalanx]

Make mayonnaise?
What's mayo? Well...I don't know what the hell the shit is they sell in most jar nowadays, but it's not quite right. Mayo is known as a "cold emulsion", I guess how you'd descrbe that, would be "two things that don't normally mix, with an added agent to make it into a permenant bond"? (eg - In this case, oil and vinegar. Eggs, or rather, the lecithin, a protein in the eggs, is the emulsifying agent, and makes a significant part of the mass here.)
It's also one of the 6 "mother" sauces, which are basically the buiding blocks for a whole hell of a lot of derivative sauces.
Anyways...

Get a large glass bowl and a whisk (or electric beater if you want to cheat, as "they" say, or yknow...not kill your wrist, as I say.)
I personally use a whisk, but the first few times doing this are a bitch.
Put a damp tea-towel under the bowl to stop it from slipping.

Get four eggs, and crack em into the bowl.
I personally only use the yolks, but you can keep them whole, your choice.

Get a 2/3 full tablespoon of white vinegar, or white wine vinegar, and whisk that into your eggs...gently, not enough to make it all foam up.

When that's done, whisk continuously while adding oil at a slow, even pace.
don't just pour the oil in alltogether or you'll fuck it up, you have to give the ingredients time to bond with eachother. As you continue pouring oil, whisk vigerously. The mixture will become thicker as you go.

Get it to the consistancy you consider appropriate (no exact amount of oil, it depends on how you want it), then season with salt, and white pepper, to taste.

If the mixture is too thick for your liking, some lukewarm (not hot) water added will thin the mixture. Be careful when adding.

That's you're basic Mayo.
A few derivatives...for all of these, start with the base mayo.

*Dijonnaise - Pretty simple, just add dijon mustard.

*Tartare sauce - Add chopped pickle (gherkin, whatever you call it), some lemon juice (whisk it in immediately), some chopped garlic, and a little horseradish.
**I like adding a few drops of tobasco to mine, just a little finely chopped spanish onion for texture, and a few capers as well.

*Caesar Dressing - Thin it down a little with some lukewarm water.
Add Dijon mustard, a little wholegrain mustard, garlic, lemon juice, worcestershire sauce (not too much), some grated parmesan cheese, and a few chopped anchovies - Either blend this one, or make sure you chop/grate everything up finely. You can add more salt and/or pepper, but if your base mayo is seasoned properly, you shouldn't have to.

I know I haven't given exact quantities, as I never use them myself...you've got to just work out how much of a flavour you like personally. Taste it as you make it, and you can't go wrong by yourself.

There ya go...this stuff's much better if you make it at home.

[Phalanx]

The local grocer usually has some cheap oven bake pizzas for around $1 each. Grab a can of mushrooms or olives or an onion/whatever for around $.99 to add to them a little.

Shit yeah. The store-bought pizzas can be made hugely better by adding a few simple fresh veggies. Good one, that.

[monalisa]

Originally Posted by Phalanx

Make mayonnaise?
...
There ya go...this stuff's much better if you make it at home.

OK, don't hit me for asking this. Can you use a food processor to whip it all up or does that totally wreck it? *ducks, just in case* :)

[Phalanx]

You can, yeah.
Although I'd reccomend mixing the vinegar into the eggs first, because if you airate (sp?) that too much, it wont work. After that point, yeah, food processors are fine, especially if you want to make lots.

[X¤MurderDoll¤X]

The first thing that came to my mind is how my friend told me how to get out of losing points on your licence when you get a speeding ticket. I don't get tickets though, and you probably don't.

so... I have a different how-to

How to make a zombie (the real way, not the internet recipe way ahuh)

I figure it's halloween, and zombie's get you FUCKED.

You don't need to shake it or do anything fancy, you do need a 12oz glass though. (obviously if you have zombie glasses that would be the best)

and it looks pretty too. :)

1 oz OJ
1 oz Lemon Bar Mix / or Lemon juice
1 oz Pineapple Juice
Ice
1/2 oz Grenadine
1 1/4 oz white rum
1 1/4 oz dark rum
Fill glass with 7-up
add a dash of triple sec

stir it after.

(if you don't know ounces, I can't help ya)

[monalisa]

Originally Posted by Phalanx

You can, yeah.
Although I'd reccomend mixing the vinegar into the eggs first, because if you airate (sp?) that too much, it wont work. After that point, yeah, food processors are fine, especially if you want to make lots.

Cool, thanks!!!!

@MurderDoll Thanks for the Zombie recipe too! Yum!

[Phalanx]

Yeah, but cumming icicles may cut my penis.
I'll pass.