Random Thoughts...

[LuvablePsycho]

Originally Posted by Morningriser

I was honestly in the exact same boat you are in more or less. When I lived in Virginia I hated it there. I was originally born at Scott Air Force Base in Illinois but I lived in St Louis until I was 9. Virginia is where my mother grew up so when my father died she and I back there. I never fit in and always wanted to get away but I always end up right back there. I had my grandfather to reply on but I knew I was only the burden on him and I needed to get out and start experiencing life for myself and learn how to be self-sufficient and independent and not be scared to get out on the buses and get around that way. I have been taking a lot of steps forward lately trying to improve my situation and I think I am on the right path. It is very tough and takes a tremendous amount of Bravery to take that step but all I can say is just believe in yourself.

My Mom has been trying to find ways to encourage me to be independent but at the same time I think that part of her is afraid to let me grow up. She' doesn't have anybody else to rely on either and let's just say we come from a very shitty family and nobody really cares about what happens to me or her.

I guess when the time comes I'll just have to look after myself. It helps being aware of the fact that I have Bipolar Disorder because now I am able to control myself better. But I still have moments where I get so angry at people that I just want to rip their heads off.

Oh and I hated the small town where I grew up in Georgia for the same reason. I never fit in or had any friends at all and there was nothing for me to do there except go to school and come home and lock myself in my bedroom watching TV and playing video games all day until my mom got off work. It was a very redneck town full of uptight ignorant people who talk shit behind each other's backs. Not to mention the fact that drugs and alcoholism was everywhere there.

[Morningriser]

It's so weird reading this because it's like I have went through everything that you have. The only person in my family still living who cares about me or my well-being is my grandfather. Other members of my family have never liked me for some reason nor had they ever liked my mother. Who needs them though? I mean if they are going to be assholes like that they are better off staying out of my life anyway. The only way I am able to get through the day sometimes just being optimistic and I try to see the silver lining in everything even when I feel like the whole world is collapsing around me. I tell myself it's just a feeling that I can't control and that it will go away And eventually it does. I normally don't have these episodes when I am on my medicine but I have had trouble getting in to see a psychiatrist But thankfully I'm going to see one next month.

[LuvablePsycho]

Originally Posted by Morningriser

It's so weird reading this because it's like I have went through everything that you have. The only person in my family still living who cares about me or my well-being is my grandfather. Other members of my family have never liked me for some reason nor had they ever liked my mother. Who needs them though? I mean if they are going to be assholes like that they are better off staying out of my life anyway. The only way I am able to get through the day sometimes just being optimistic and I try to see the silver lining in everything even when I feel like the whole world is collapsing around me. I tell myself it's just a feeling that I can't control and that it will go away And eventually it does. I normally don't have these episodes when I am on my medicine but I have had trouble getting in to see a psychiatrist But thankfully I'm going to see one next month.

Yeah, I don't feel like you HAVE to love somebody who clearly doesn't love you just because they are blood related. Family isn't about blood relations it's about being there for each other and looking out for one another. I feel like there's very few actual "families" in this world because people are just so damn selfish these days and don't care about anybody else.

There are parents out there who would kick their young children out on the streets for getting knocked up or coming out the closet about their sexuality and there are also children who mooch off their parents for free money but won't lift a finger to help them when they need it most. I think those kinds of people should all be ashamed of themselves.

[Morningriser]

we live in a Very broken and very lazy Society. it's like I said, the human race is devolving when we should be evolving. Technology enslaved us long ago.

[LuvablePsycho]

Originally Posted by Morningriser

we live in a Very broken and very lazy Society. it's like I said, the human race is devolving when we should be evolving. Technology enslaved us long ago.

I guess, but then again humans were doing horrible things even before technology became so advanced. Some of the things we used to do to each other was far worse back in the day like witchburning, torturing criminals into confessing, public executions, slavery, blaming rape victims, etc.

I think when it comes down to it humans are and always have been horrible.

But I agree that technology has made us lazy and vulnerable.

[Morningriser]

That's true but I'm just saying I think a lot of what has to do with people's behavior now is what is made available to them. I mean look at what the media is doing for modern society. A lot of people who lash out in violence do it because of something they were influenced by. I don't mean that by saying people should play music and movies and such I mean the media seems to bring every single violent act that happens to the public light which discussed so many people in such ways that they actually lash out. It's an endless cycle of violence brought to you by the media in order to keep the media afloat because without news there is no need for the media.

[LuvablePsycho]

Originally Posted by Morningriser

That's true but I'm just saying I think a lot of what has to do with people's behavior now is what is made available to them. I mean look at what the media is doing for modern society. A lot of people who lash out in violence do it because of something they were influenced by. I don't mean that by saying people should play music and movies and such I mean the media seems to bring every single violent act that happens to the public light which discussed so many people in such ways that they actually lash out. It's an endless cycle of violence brought to you by the media in order to keep the media afloat because without news there is no need for the media.

Well I kind of think that people have always been violent but the media has made us more aware of this. A long time ago people didn't see violence unless they were fighting in wars so they thought that things were supposed to be peaceful in their little towns and villages, but now the media has shown us that all sorts of terrible things happen all over the world every day. To top it off we also have movies and video games that teach us that violence is fun and that there are no real consequences to taking another human being's life. So I guess that the media has really desensitized us and made us too cynical about the world. It's like nowadays we don't really care when bad things happen and we don't make any effort to try and make the world better.

[Morningriser]

Well I had an interesting evening. First I went to what was supposed to be this goth fetish fashion show but turned out to be a crock of shit more or less. The club they were having it at had the front door completely locked for some reason and the only way to get in was around the back which took me awhile to figure out but once I did I started going around towards the back but considering it was dark outside and they didn't have any signs or any warning up, I took a step off of a three and a half foot drop in the sidewalk and now I have a pretty brutal scrape on my elbow and three large, very dark bruises on the side of my ass. After I finally got inside I chilled out for a little while when I realize it wasn't a fashion show at all, it was just a few models that were wearing latex outfits walking around, not much originality going on between the few that were there, but regardless I was trying to mingle and they ignored me so I just said fuck it and went to my next place which was the same bar I went to last week but this time BYOB, a System of a Down tribute band and Children of the Korn, a Korn tribute band, where they played a free show. I think I found my hangout spot. It's just too bad that it's all the way on the other side of the city. All these so-called goth places I have been so far all a crock of shit being put on by people just as plastic as their tits.

[Morningriser]

So this is how my elbow looks today. METULLLZ!!!!!!

[LuvablePsycho]

This message has been edited by authority of the government.