As one Goth on the big party boat traveling from New Jersey to Bermuda says, "Cruises attract two particular types of people: the morbid, and the morbidly obese."

However in the new documentary from IFC, Goth Cruise, the morbid are often morbidly obese as well — not to mention fashion-challenged, gauche, and just plain weird. To paraphrase the old line, "some of my best friends are Goth…" But none of them are like the oddballs portrayed in this documentary, which winds up doing a disservice to the subculture.

The filmmakers tagged along some 150 British and American Goths as they sailed around the Caribbean for five days on the 4th Annual Goth Cruise. The festivities included a masquerade ball and a fashion show (kind of redundant, isn't it?), a charity art-auction, moonlight hot-tub soaks (lots of black hair and runny eyeliner in that water), club events, formal dining, karaoke (aka, scaryoke), and even shuffleboard. In the mix are your garden variety "norms", also interviewed for the doc. Some of the tropically-clad oldsters seem cool with their shipmates, while others wholly believe that Goth and Satanism stroll hand-in-hand.

I guess the idea was to play up the stranger aspects of these lovers of all things dark and dour, but there isn't much focus. At least half of the people profiled even deny that they are, indeed, "Goth". Many of them are so socially awkward they seem as though they'd be more at home at a Star Wars convention or slumped over the Hollywood Denney's dining counter. Not to mention just plain mundane and uninteresting, making Goth people seem homogenized and anything but cool, cutting edge, or progressive. (With a few exceptions — a couple of the "stars" whose journey we follow are reasonably intelligent and individualist; or at least quirky.)

The idea kernel is an interesting one but unfortunately, there are no new revelations — I daresay even if you are not a horror fan or online enthusiast with some knowledge of fringe cultures, you already know everything that's going to be "revealed" here. (Heck, even the popular TV series CSI has devoted entire episodes to things like Furry Fandom and has a reoccurring S&M character).

Again, focus and pacing become a fuzzy issue when the Goth Cruise takes a detour to the Whitby Goth Festival in the UK, essentially not staying the course at all. We get a talking-heads and stock-footage styled account of the history of Goth, a few montages of costumes, corsets, velvet and canes; and then it's back to the boat to wrap up the account of those whom we embarked with.

There is a story in there somewhere; it's just a shame that it comes off more like an infomercial than a film. Documentaries don't have to be monotonous; I think something in the style of popular reality TV ("The Housewives of Orange County" might've been a good inspiration) or some top-notch nonfiction film (along the lines of Dreams With Sharp Teeth, A New York Doll, or Decline of the Western Civilization) would have been much more entertaining. One gets the idea there was so much "great" footage, nobody could bear to get brutal and pare it down.

Now I'm feeling really depressed. Where's my copy of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and my Doc Martens?

Premieres on IFC FREE (VOD): November 27, 2008 at Midnight.

Credits

Director: Jeanie Finlay is an artist and documentary-maker whose critically acclaimed film ‘Teenland’ (BBC4) profiled another British subculture – teenagers and their bedrooms. Her previous work includes award winning interactive documentary ‘Home-Maker’ and ‘Love Takes’, an international festival hit that was acquired by The Documentary Channel, Canada.

Goth Cruisers: Heath Woodson, Lobster McFall, Mike and Amanda Gamsby, Ian Sturrock, Bridie Przibram and Kyle Sturrock, Sean T Lewis, Angel and Bob Westphal, Steph Dayo, Kenneth Ray Lloyd Junior, Heather Browning, Laura Bienz, Chrishelle Ferraro.

Featuring: The Wicked Lady, Andi Sex Gang, Wayne Hussey, Rome Burns, Christine Emery, Paul Davidson and the Great Desiree, Voltaire, Melora Creager, Jimmy Webb , Ashbet, Kylie and Kelsie Lewis, The family of Michael and Amanda Gamsby.

Music of: Wayne Hussey (The Mission/ Sisters of Mercy), Voltaire, and Andi Sex Gang with a soundtrack featuring Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Cure, The Fields of the Nephilim, Rome Burns and more.

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