Machete Movie Review
Machete Movie Review
See Machete, and You'll be F*cking with the *Right* Mexican!
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In Machete's (Danny Trejo) one and only bow to the trend of texting, he types a warning, "You fucked with the wrong Mexican" and then sets out to prove it in a bloody battle to end all bloody battles.
If you've seen the denominated faux trailer from the Grindhouse films (features directed by Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino in 2007) then you know the character of Machete is a Mexican ex-Federale who, after being double-crossed by a corrupt state senator (Robert De Niro) hides out as a day laborer and bides his time for the ultimate revenge.
As his enemies seem to grow even stronger — sleazebag drug lord Torrez (Stephen Seagal), sinister sniper Lt. Stillman (Don Johnson) and baddie Benz (Jeff Fahey) — Machete draws his weapons in the form of some pretty wicked women. Luz (Michelle Rodriquez, as a saucy burrito-barista), Sartana (Jessica Alba as an ICE agent with the requisite ice-water running through her veins), and April (Lindsay Lohan, a socialite with not a hair out of place, and a hair-trigger). Also on Machete's side is the Lord (His emissary is the not-so-holy Father Padr, played by Cheech Marin).
You know you're going to be for a great time at the opening title treatment ("Introducing… Don Johnson") and from the git-go you will see Machete is not going to take itself seriously (look for the Tarantino cameo). Yet, it takes its audience seriously. The accomplished performances (I do believe it's 66 year old Trejo's first starring role!) and character development (Rodriguez co-wrote this script with his cousin, Alvaro) add property value to what is inherently drive-in territory. It's Mexploitation at its bloody best.
I'll refrain from giving away plot points and I shan't spoil the more fun lines and asides, but I would be a remiss horror.com reviewer indeed if I did try and tempt you with tales of guts and gore. If you know Rodriguez, then you are well aware you're in for some major gun-toting, double-barreled kill shots, blade-running, razors' edges, and ruthless skewerings. However, you might be surprised by some of the more ingenious ways to deliver D.O.A.s — stiletto shoes, wine corkscrews, and of course an array of badass, beheading machetes that would make Jason Voorhees weep with envy.
A big round of applause from me to Rodriguez for bringing out two of the very most entertaining, over-the-top, well-made popcorn classics of the year (the other being Predators, which he produced).
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Reviewed Staci Layne Wilson