Masters of Horror - Recap of the first season
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I promised to have this list posted last Friday, but other horrors intervened. Finally here's my ranking of Masters of Horror, Showtime's original series comprising of one-hour standalone episodes of various and sundry genre stories.
12. Larry Cohen's Pick Me Up
based on a short story by David J. Schow
After much consideration and thought, I'd have to rank this episode as the lowest because it's the only one I actually fell asleep during. Once I roused myself, skipped the disc backward and watched, I realized I hadn't missed much.
The concept rocks: Two urban legends collide on a desolate roadside when Wheeler, a truck-driving serial killer who slays hitchhikers, offers a ride to Walker, a snake-obsessed hitchhiker who slays any individual unlucky enough to offer him a ride.
Unfortunately, the interplay between these two characters makes up for very little of the story. Mostly, it’s about their respective victims: hot chicks running, screaming, crying, and pleading for their lives. Ho-hum.
11. Tobe Hooper's Dance of the Dead
based on a short story by Richard Matheson
This was only the third episode I saw, so I might have ranked it slightly higher at first blush. Now that I can compare it with all its brethren, I'd have to say that it's just too uneven to be a fully satisfying viewing experience. Had the Robert Englund character been in the story a little more, I would have liked it better.
Englund plays a larger than life character (think: Liza Minelli in Cabaret channeling a foul-mouthed, blood-swilling sadist), The MC of a zombie nightclub, and when he's not on the screen he is sorely missed. The young mortal protagonist and her family, which most of the story centers on, are actually the least-interesting characters.
10. John Landis's Deer Woman
original teleplay by Max Landis
In this episode, a series of strange and mysterious murders lead a cynical detective to suspect that an ancient mythological creature is real. The combination of Brian Benben and John Landis once worked some magic (in the series Dream On), but the comedy is not quite as sharp as the murderous deer woman's hooves here. As for the horror aspects, there are enough to qualify for the genre, but the suspense isn't drawn out enough to really make the Deer Woman a believable boogey-critter.
The acting is quite good, and Cynthia Moura as the title character is very well-cast. The use of actual deer is a nice touch, and there's an excellent car wreck sequence.
9. Lucky McKee's Sick Girl
original teleplay by Sean Hood
There is a lot of exposition, talking, and erotic groping interspersed with tiny tidbits of a dangerous, deadly cockroach's P.O.V. in this tale of a lesbian etymologist and her willing new lover.
Eventually the big bug worms his way into places that have deadly (and disgusting) consequences, but it does take a while. The show really isn't "horror" till the very, very end, but when the blood, guts, and insect-ooze do make their appearance it's worth the wait.
8. Dario Argento's Jenifer
based on the comic books by Bruce Jones and Bernie Wrightson
I know nobody likes to repeat themselves, but I really was hoping for a more vintage Argento look and feel to this episode. There's none of the director's trademark artistic panache to Jenifer, but the story is quirky and fun, and the horror makeups are among the best in the series.
The story follows a hideously disfigured, yet sexually irresistible siren called Jenifer. After a police officer saves her life, he "adopts" the seemingly abused woman, only to learn that no good deed goes unpunished.
7. Stuart Gordon's Dreams in the Witch-House
based on a novella by H.P. Lovecraft
The eerie strangeness of H.P. Lovecraft isn’t for everyone, but Gordon did an admirable job of bringing the story into modern times, yet made everything look very much in the period of the author (and the story does dip briefly back in time to convey the an evil witch's enduring relationship with the tenants in a cursed structure).
The colorful characters were a bit over the top, and the half-rat / half-human witch's familiar wasn’t all that scary. But then, little by little, Gordon’s masterful storytelling drew me in.
6. John McNaughton's Haeckel's Tale
based on a short story by Clive Barker
Haeckel is a 19th century man who's looking to the future (electricity) for his dream of reanimating the dead, while Professor Montesquino uses the old way (incantations) to raise those who've ceased living. When their worlds collide with an unusual married couple, a strange and scary tale of love, lust and lasciviousness unfolds.
This is not an easy story to tell and while director McNaughton's body of work seems to have no specific signature "style", I do think he was a better choice than (original choice) George A. Romero, whose penchant for theatrics and slapstick would probably have focused too much on the more lurid aspects of Haeckel's Tale.
5. William Malone's Fair Haired Child
original teleplay by Matt Greenberg
Malone did some interesting things with flashbacks and dream sequences, adding bold splashes of black and white and stop-motion special effects to visually spice up the tale as the mystery unfolds. (Gordon also had flashbacks and dream sequences in Dreams in the Witch-House, but the two directors' styles are decidedly different.)
This story is one of the more traditional horror yarns, and it’s got some great scares. The creepy creature that shimmies with a chilling supernatural slithering, has, judging from the feedback I've heard, strongly resonated with viewers. Obviously, Malone's background in horror makeups and effects helped K.N.B. realize his vision.
4. Mick Garris's Chocolate
based on a short story by Mick Garris
It was a tough call between Chocolate and Cigarette Burns for this spot, but in all honesty Chocolate has far fewer horror elements, so it lands here. It is one of the best-acted, most suspenseful of the stories, however.
Chocolate conveys the strange psychological kidnap of a lonely man who meets the woman of his dreams in every sense... except the physical. When he visualizes a murder through her eyes and is powerless to stop it, who is to blame?
Chocolate is one of the best episodes as far as everything technical coming together seamlessly: the cinematography, effects, music, and editing are all flawless.
3. John Carpenter's Cigarette Burns
original teleplay by Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan
Cigarette Burns is, in my opinion, Carpenter's best work as a director since 1994's In the Mouth of Madness. It's compelling and creepy, not to mention quite gory. The acting is stellar, and the crisp, cruel cinematography doesn't glamorize the actors one bit —which is appropriate here.
This Masters of Horror episode isn't for everyone, but the surreal story of cinematic obsession is worth a look for those who like dark stories and don't necessarily need closure. (Actually, the ending itself is good, but the events leading directly to it are somewhat unsatisfying.)
2. Joe Dante's Homecoming
based on a short story by Dale Bailey
Even though Cigarette Burns and Chocolate are actually more in keeping with the theme — if there even is one — of the series, Homecoming snags the #2 spot because of the pure enjoyment factor. It's by far the most humorous episode, but unlike some other entries that incorporate yuks with the yuck, this one does the best job of balancing the two.
The horror element in this case is zombified American solders body-bagged and sent home from the war in
1. Don Coscarelli's Incident On & Off
based on a short story by Joe R. Lansdale
Even with the perspective of a whole season of airings the first episode is still the best, in my mind. I've watched it three times now (more than any other Masters of Horror episode) and I'm still not tired of it.
The basic plot itself is nothing unique — a young woman meets up with a big, hulky maniac, she is brutalized, runs through the woods, gets caught, gets away, gets caught again, and so on — but it’s the masterful way in which the story unfolds that grabs you by the collar and shakes you silly till the end-credits roll.
There are many classic horror touchstones in the story and as lifelong fan of the genre, I believe this episode definitely did the best job of crystallizing all those elements (what's more, the cinematography, music, sets and casting could not have been any better).
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by Staci Layne Wilson