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#7311
03-07-2006, 05:04 PM
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Just Friends
The Lowdown: Chris Brander (Ryan Reynolds, Waiting...) was the fat-ass geek in High School. But, his best friend was miss popular Jamie Palamino (Amy Smart, The Butterfly Effect). Obviously, he had a crush on her, but she thinks they're "just friends" (hence the title). 10 years pass, and now fat-ass is fit and slim and hot as ever. He returns to his hometown to try to hook up with Jamie once and for all. But, things get in teh way, such as Dusty (Chris Klein, The Long Weekend) and ditzy, idiotic (and no, I'm not talking about Jessica Simpson) pop star Samantha James (Anna Faris, Scary Movie 3). Review: Ah, the holidays. Snow on the ground, christmas cheer in the air... wait a minute, this is March. This isn't December, the month of giving and getting (and spiked egg nog). But, since Just Friends was released in theaters in december, and since they're not going to wait that dreaded year to release it on DVD (thank God), we get a belated christmas present. So, put this month aside, and pretend it's the holidays (because you probably forgot what month it is anyway), and kick back, drink your egg nog, and masturbate your dick raw as I review the holiday romance comedy, Just Friends. Now, I've already went over the lowdown, so I guess it's criticizing time! First off, to like this kind of movie, you must be a Ryan Reynolds fan. And I am. In my humble (and horny) opinion, Ryan Reynolds is the epiphemy of comedy right now. He's basically your average comedian/actor, doing his job and making us laugh (and pissing off movie critics like Ebert & Roeper daily). What makes him so special? His retardedness! Wait, that's Johnny Knoxville. What makes Reynolds funny is, that he is funny! There's not much to it. Hot damn, it's not brain surgery (unless your Ebert or Roeper, who are still trying to figure out why they get a bulge in their pants every time they see Reynolds). The comedy in Just Friends is a hit and miss. At times, you're laughing your ass off at the wildy entertaining Reynolds as he takes dick shot after dick shot (and no, I'm not referring to cum shots, you perverts). But, the comedy misses when everything is repeated time and time again. We've got your point, Reynolds and his brother smack each other. It was only funny the first two times (and when he broke into the bathroom). Now, quit the shit and get on with the movie! God damn! Anyway, another problem I depicted was the pop diva Samantha James. Her character got so god damned annoying and overused that I could hear my dick groan. This movie did not need her at all, since she just dragged the film done a whole lot. The only reason they put her in there is two full. 1.) To show that Chris is now famous and the school dork, and 2.) To get my dick hard! Only #1 worked out, and not that well (I still think you're hot though Anna. Call me!) But, not all is lost. I will admit to being a sweetheart, and I was pulling for Chris to get the girl the whole time (even if he was a bigger prick than Ryan Seacrest). Why? Because I can relate to him. He was the high schooler who had all the right moves, but not a single girl noticed. He was sweet, funny, and charming. But, it just dind't work out. And that's where the love and comedy come in. And Ryan Reynolds pulls through on this. All in all (and one for all), Just Friends is a good comedy romance/holiday film/chick flick that we can all enjoy. Sure, it's not as good as Reynolds (and Faris's) last flick, Waiting..., but it gets the job done for tonight. Verdict: 3 and a half stars out of 5
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#7312
03-07-2006, 06:37 PM
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Hercules
Sometime this week I need to have a guys night and pump some horror back into my veins, though I can't say Im not enjoying the multitudes of kids movies Ive seen in the last couple days. This one in particular was my favourite movie for years, saw it in theatres and didnt see anything better until X-Men. This just goes to show that Im still a kid at heart [innocent? *shudder*] because I still LOVED this movie. Easily the best of these animated flicks Ive been watching, everything came together perfectly. The songs, the story, the animation....everything was great. I think the clincher on this one was the apearance of one of the all-time great Disney villains, Hades! James Woods played him to perfection, easily one of my favourite non-horror villains bar none. Overall, I say everyone should see this wether they like this kid of movie or not, you might surprise yourself! 9/10
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"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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#7314
03-08-2006, 01:14 AM
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Total Recall
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#7316
03-08-2006, 03:48 AM
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Last three I saw were... Pieces - Decent B slashers but some scenes were just so out of place it was rediculous. The kung fu teacher stands out miles above the rest heh. Doom - Great brainless fun, I just wish there were more 1st person and less hand to hand toward the end. Lady and the Tramp - Classic Disney, one of the best.
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#7317
03-08-2006, 05:01 AM
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i didnt think Howl's was quite as good but it's still good. I missed the last 15 min because it got too late for my kid to stay up and see the end .. but i doubt my opinion will change in that amount of time . definately worth a purchase. i see that Totoro has a new 2 DVD release as well - so I'll gave to grab that one too.
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#7318
03-08-2006, 04:25 PM
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Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire
The Lowdown: It's year 4 in Hogwarts Academy, and Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe, the Harry Potter series) has been chosen to compete in the Triwizard (which shocks everybody since he's 13, and you need to be 17 to be in the tourney) by the goblet of fire! But, problems arise as his best friend Ron (Rupert Grint, the Harry Potter series) strays away from him and Hermoine (Emma Watson, the Harry Potter series) finally finds love, and it isn't Harry! Review: I never thought it could get any worse than the last piece of Harry Potter shit The Prisoner of Azkaban, but damn was I wrong! First off, I have the book, but didn't read much of it (since it wasn't good and am not a fan of the Harry Potter books (I got it as a present and I was trying to be generous)). So, I'm not the guy to give you those "book-to-movie" comparisons. Now, on with the damn review! The Goblet of Fire wasn't Harry Potter at all! Not that many creatures or magic is seen (which is a load of shit), and is way more of a love story! No, I'm shitting you! Goblet turned out being a fantasy love story at Hogwarts. Harry loses best friend, tries to get revenge, his crush Hermoine (and don't give me any shit that he doesn't like her, because it's more obvious and visible than my dick in the mornming) falls in love with another man and he is now depressed. Let alone, he's in a god damned Triwizard Tournament (which we don't see much of, just hear about it a lot and see some off-court punking). This fucking ruined the whole damn movie! Sure, Prisoner was a big pile of flaming dog shit (you know, the kind you leave on people's porch) and left a stench for miles. But, at least that stayed to the Harry Potter tradition: The magic and the creatures. Goblet destroyed that by slapping in some sappy shit that made me shit my pants worse than the time I had that "weird and unusual" dream about Joan Rivers *shudders*! I fucking hated it! Hagrid (Robbie Coltrane, Ocean's Twelve) was ruined here! He too had a love interest *cbreaks out in laughter*. Sorry, I just don't see him in a relationship. I can already imagine the date: "Hey, you wanna go to my house and I can cook up some "special" potion for you?" God, I just don't see it happening (though I just did). Anyway, like I said, Hagrid was ruined here. He gets a lovebird (which, like mentioned before, is laughable and disastrous). But, worse than that is his lack of screen time. What the hell? This guy is an icon in the Harry Potter franchise, and you just give him a few scenes and give him his pay and a big-ass bucket of "Popeye's" chicken. Damn! There was also a disturbing scene in which Harry is getting a bubble bath (wtf?) and that ghost chick that hides out in the bathroom (you know, the one that made your dick come out of your ass), but I'm not getting into that because I'm already having nightmares about it. And I haven't even gone to bed yet! This movie just blowed! And when I say "blowed" I mean blowed. Like the Paris Hilton "blowed". And it blowed hard (once again, another Paris Hilton reference/insult)! Harry Potter magic and creatures are replaced with sappy love story and Hagrid gets a shit taken on him by the producers! Not worth the almost three hours length. Verdict: 0 out of 5 stars
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#7319
03-08-2006, 05:08 PM
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THANK YOU!!! i HATED the harry potter 4 movie. Loved the 1st and 3rd's however.
Doom and Wrong Turn.
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None of this is real
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#7320
03-08-2006, 05:13 PM
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with the exception of the weird choice of having Dumbledore being strangely physically agressive, #4 was a great movie ..
it was a return to the formula that made the 1st 2 movies (and the books) the hit that they are .. the interraction between the kids.
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