Got wood?

[The STE]

but since you lie, you saying you win could be a lie, and thus: You Lose

[wood_elf_pansy]

fuck

ok then you won! haha!

[stubbornforgey]

Originally posted by mothermold
Mental Institution


In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like hes driving a car.

The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?"

Charlie replies, "Driving to Chicago!"

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlies room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks,

"Well, Charlie, how are you doing?"

Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago." "Great," replies the nurse.

The nurse leaves Charlies room and goes across the hall into Bobs room,

and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating.

Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?"

Bob says, "Im screwing Charlies wife while hes in Chicago"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
2 blondes were driving through the countryside when they spotted a third blonde trying to row a dinghy through
the cornfield..
1st blonde: fuck its bitches like that who gives us blondes bad names..!!
2nd blonde:tell me about it..and if i could swim i would get out and whop her sorry ass..


'bad pun'
my father died at one of the concentration camps..
he fell out of the guard tower..

[The STE]

Originally posted by wood_elf_pansy
fuck

ok then you won! haha!

glad you finally admitted defeat

[wood_elf_pansy]

Originally posted by The STE
glad you finally admitted defeat

are you sure i wasn't lying?

[The STE]

Originally posted by wood_elf_pansy
are you sure i wasn't lying?

I'm sure. I know that I won

[mothermold]

blind guy walks into a bar.

A blind guy accidently walks into a women’s bar and says to the
bartender "wanna’ here a blonde joke?"
Then the women next to him says" the bartenders a blonde,the bouncer
is a blonde,I’m 200 lbs and a blonde and the women to your right is a
blonde professional wrestler and the women to my right is a
professional weight lifter" and then says " you still want to tell that joke"
"NAW, I don’t want to explain it 6 times".


the blonde date.

To prepare for his big date, a young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade".

He was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.

The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that’s how you guys load those things!"



men vs. women

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!” The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.” The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.” Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks”, she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.” Moral: Women are evil. Don’t mess with them

[cheebacheeba]

I'll tell a blonde joke, then a couple that'll piss people off.

A blonde woman walks into an electronics store, has a quick look around, and browses until one of the store assistants approaches. She says "I'd like to buy that Television", he replies, "Sorry lady, we don't serve blondes"...without another word, she huffs out of the store. She simply won't have this, so, goes and buys herself a burgundy coloured hair dye, and colours her hair.
The next day, she heads back to the same shop, grabs the attendant, points, and says she'd like to buy the television. Again, she's told "Sorry, we don't serve blondes", she can't believe what she's hearing and is frankly a little confused. Again, she goes to the shop and this time buys a BLACK hair dye, and not only colours, but cuts her hair.
The next day, same shop again. She marches right in, and this time goes to a different sales attendant. "You! I want to buy that TV, and I want it NOW!" He looks at her for a moment, and says to her, "Yeah, look...I'm sorry but I can't serve you"
"Because I'm blonde?!?"
"Because you're blonde."
"That's it, where's the manager? I want to make a complaint about you and your co-workers! You're so rude, and how would you even know I was blonde???"
He looks at her a moment longer, and says
"Because that's not a television, it's a microwave"


What's black and blue and hates sex?
Victims of violent rape.

Bad huh....wait for it.....


Last one:

Whats 12 inches, stiff in the morning and makes women scream?
Crib Death babies

I apologise in advance to anyone outrightly offended by these jokes, I didn't write them, and where better to talk about a "horrible" topic, than a horror forum. Those that still want to get on my nuts about it, Run along and eat a dick.
;)

[Haunted]

:eek: :eek: You!... You!... I can't believe that you would... You...

Those were funny, and I wasn't even all that bothered by the rape joke.

:D :D

I don't think anybody is going to get mad at you. It's all in fun.

[Nana_baby]

CHEEBA!!!!
god i was so affendend about the rape joke you should take extrame care not to do that again cuz there are some people who have been have trubble with shit like that