Forgiving but maybe not Forgetting

[Nella]

Originally Posted by Zero

i have an easy solution - i move! i've lived in seven different cities since leaving school. sometimes its just itchy feet - but normally its some relational nonsense - so i just drift on and do (literally) forget them.

I can't afford to do that and I'm not interested in getting married right now. :p

I've lived in different cities but my family has a long reach...

[Festered]

Originally Posted by novakru

You kids really missed out growing up in the 80's and early 90's.
We did massive amounts of drugs and alcohol, so now, we don't have those pesky memories to forget in the first place.

.....many, many brain cells....poof

Boy, aint that the truth......who are you again?

This is how I forgive and forget-

[Roderick Usher]

Forgiveness is tricky. Forgetting is foolish.

I've enver understood a grudge. I've never held one against anyone and hope I never do.

There are people who have harmed me, be it physically, emotionally or financially and I have struggled with forgiveness with each of them. I'll never forget what has been done, because that would leave me open to be hurt in the same manner by the same person... fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

But the grudge never comes into play. If a person has marned me I either forgive them or I don't. If I forgive, then everything's cool. If I don't forgive, I simply ignore the person, never giving them an in to cause harm again. Or I kill them with kindness, it really drives people batty to show them thier actions have no effect on your life.

But for the most part I forgive. People are essentially selfish and stupid, so I understand their motivations for most things. I really only feel injured when I see someone's motivation for causing harm as pure pettiness.

[Nella]

Sometimes I wonder if people deliberately hurt someone because they feel inadequate themselves...In that case, I feel sympathy for them. Even if I'm not trying to hurt someone, I feel guilty when I find out I have. Apologies aren't always accepted but at least I try. It's hard for me not to hold a grudge when a person continues on as if nothing's ever happened. Cruel remarks and actions aren't ok in my book. If the person that offends me tries to make ammends, I can get over it. Even if he or she stops with the wicked behavior, I can tolerate it. I'm not that unreasonable. :)

[Leprucky Cougar]

I'm a forgiver.....I'm a softie for the heart. I try not to let those whom have hurt me though as a sign for weakness though..though I'm not sure I've lived long enough to experience life when times became really drastic and sorrowful. But should the time arrive, I think I would be the same way. I do have patience like a rock and my tolerance level is really high. It takes a lot for me to be pissed or irate.

[Nella]

Originally Posted by Leprucky Cougar

I'm a forgiver.....I'm a softie for the heart. I try not to let those whom have hurt me though as a sign for weakness though..though I'm not sure I've lived long enough to experience life when times became really drastic and sorrowful. But should the time arrive, I think I would be the same way. I do have patience like a rock and my tolerance level is really high. It takes a lot for me to be pissed or irate.

That's good for you and your health, too. You're a better person than I am. I'm about ready to fight but I'll refrain............

[monalisa]

Originally Posted by Zero

i have an easy solution - i move! i've lived in seven different cities since leaving school. sometimes its just itchy feet - but normally its some relational nonsense - so i just drift on and do (literally) forget them.

Seriously, you just up and move, like a lot? :eek: I have too ask, how far away do you move? Seven different cities, but how far apart?

Zero, you never cease to amaze and amuse me. :p

[VampiricClown]

Well, I shall start off by saying, I have been wronged more times than I can count on my fingers, toes, and any other body parts I have many of. :D

Honestly, I hold a lot of grudges. I don't forgive anyone, I don't forget what people have done to me. Maybe that's a bad thing....Mainly because I try to find some way, to ruin them, in a comparable manner to what they did to me. Most I have succeeded. Others I ahve failed. Though I have realized one thing...If someone screws you over, why associate with them, and expect them not to do it again?

People don't change. I don't care who says they have, or what they've done to fix themselves. Somewhere inside their brain, they are still the same person. It may not show itself to the naked eye, but it will eventually surface.

[Dante'sInferno]

I forgive,depending on what the person did.If they did something horrible it would take me a hell of alot longer to forgive.But,that was how I use to feel.Because,if you hold a grudge chances are your just hurting yourself.Chances are they probably forgot about it and if they didn't why hurt yourself?They are the ones living with what they did to you.Like I said why let it,destroy you,making you into a detached,un-emotional,shell of yourself?That's what I learned.That's why I forgive.Because chances are you did nothing wrong,they were the ones who did it,so they should have to deal with it.Not you.Besides,like I said earlier,you shouldn't let it consume you and destroy you.Because then you would go into a Downward Spiral.


Now onto the forgetting,I don't forget because,you need to learn from these things,and try to avoid it next time,so it doesn't happen to you again.



Sorry,I hope I made sense.

[missmacabre]

I ususally forgive people in a second. The only exceptions are if someone insults my little brother, or if they attempt to make a fool of me in public. I can't deal with humiliation.

My boyfriend says I forgive too quickly though. I forgive people right off the bat, while he says that people need to make an attempt to fix things before they deserve to be forgiven. I just don't need the added stress of holding a grudge so I drop it right away. I guess that's a little more me being a push over than being the forgiving type.

Forgetting is just about the same. It's virtually instant. I want things to be in the past so I can move on while I still hold a chance of being that persons friend.