Ouija Boards

[The Flayed One]

Well, fuck it. In the name of science (aka since I got paid today) I decided to buy a Ouija board. you wouldn't believe how hard those are to find. So I waited in line behind some dude who's name was apparently Hoyt (that's all I could gather from the Chinese counter attendants broken English) forever. He apparently bought some stupid furry movie prop, so I asked him for a Ouija. After offering me free frogurt, I went home with my package.

I opened it with baited breath. Let me tell you guys, these things speak the truth! You know how people say that if the spirit predicts people die, it'll come true? Well, I'm a skeptic, but it made me a believer. Look at the truths it has told me; things that only I could know:

U-R-G-E-O-K-I-S-C-A-N-A-D-I-A-N
N-E-W-B-I-S-D-R-U-N-K
A-N-G-R-A-S-U-C-K-S
O-L-I-V-I-A-H-A-S-R-E-D-H-A-I-R
R-A-Y-N-E-A-N-D-D-U-S-T-I-N-L-I-V-E-S-O-M-E-W-H-E-R-E

and perhaps, the most ominous of all:

H-O-R-R-O-R-D-O-E-S-N-'-T-L-I-S-T-E-N-T-O-Y-O-U-R-P-L-E-A-S!!!