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#11
09-17-2004, 04:45 AM
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Heard about the magic tractor?
It was going down the road one day, and turned into a field! 
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#12
09-17-2004, 04:46 AM
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Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?" Bush said, "We're planning World War III." The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?" Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman." The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!" Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!" :D :D
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#13
09-17-2004, 04:47 AM
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I knwo i have posted this one before.......but...
Two peanuts went to new york for vacation. While walking down an alley, one was assaulted.
__________________
Some misguided people decided I was funny enough to pay. See if they're right: http://www.cracked.com/members/Vodstok/ (I tweet pretty hardcore, too)
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#15
09-17-2004, 04:56 AM
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick :D
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#16
09-17-2004, 05:17 AM
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Okay, there have been about 6 different joke threads here...BUT, since this is a "Really BAD Jokes" thread...I can finally tell THIS one:p
A guy is standing on the sidewalk tapping an apple...His friend walks up and asks him what he's doing...The guy says, "I've developed a special technique to do something very unusual with apples...Take a bite"...The friend takes a bite and says, "HEY...It tastes like a BANANA"...The guy says, "Yeah...I know...Now, flip it over and take a bite of the other side"...His friend flips it over, takes a bite and says, "WOW!...That side tastes like a strawberry!"...The guy says "It IS pretty amazing, huh?...But what use is it really?"...So, they stand and contemplate possible advantages to this newly acquired skill, when the friend perks up and exclaims, "HEY!...If you could make an apple taste like pussy you'd make a fortune!"...The guy looks at his friend and says, "Hmmm...Give me 2 weeks and meet me back here"... 2 Weeks pass...They meet up again...The guy is tapping another apple...The friend says, "So...Did you do it"...Then the guy says with a big grin on his face, "Oh...I don't know...Why don't YOU tell ME?"...So, the friend takes a bite, makes a horrid face and spits the apple out onto the ground...He says, "Oh man...You SERIOUSLY fucked up...That tastes like SHIT!"...Then his friend says, "Oh...I'm sorry man...Flip it over":D
__________________
...  If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be
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#17
09-17-2004, 06:54 AM
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:D
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#18
09-17-2004, 07:01 AM
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That was good bloodrayne.
would love to stay an chat but gonna go home now. Talk to y'all monday. Will leave you with an oldy..... Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Cos he was dead! Thankyou and good night! P
__________________
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun) -Eddie Izzard. “I could catch a monkey. If I was starving I could. I’d make poison darts out of the poison of the deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself and you’d be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times.” - Gareth from The Office “Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don’t know whether you’re in a trough until you’re climbing out, or on a peak until you’re coming down. And that’s it you know, you never know what’s round the corner. But it’s all good. ‘If you want the rainbow, you’ve gotta put up with the rain.’ Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she’s just a big pair of tits.” - David Brent
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#19
09-17-2004, 07:07 AM
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bloodrayne... I dont know wether to laugh or cry
:D hahah a shitty apple :D here's another one A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. :D
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#20
09-17-2004, 07:33 AM
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LOL...That was a good one, Shanks...Now, how about another BAD one?...
A man walks into a bar with a little 1 foot tall guy on his shoulder...He sits down on a stool, and the little guy jumps onto the bar...The girls don't seem to mind this oddity as they instantly flock around the man...Meanwhile, the littly guy is walking down the bar kicking peoples' drinks into their laps...People are getting pissed off and bitching, so the man says, "Oh, hey...I apologize for him...Bartender give everyone all the drinks that they want, I'll take care of it"...He reaches into his pocket, and gives the bartender a wad of cash...So, everyone goes about their business...Then the little guy walks from one end of the bar to the other, insulting people and pissing in one guy's drink...So, the guy with the pissed in drink says, "What the fuck is going on here?...If you don't think I'll kill this little Son of a Bitch, you better think again...Why would you even take him anywhere if he's gonna be this way?...Why even let him hang around with you?...He's gonna end up getting YOUR ass kicked, too"...The man sighs and says, "Here's $500, I'm really sorry about your drink, and the aggravation, but I really can't get rid of him...Let me explain...A genie granted me 3 wishes...First I wished that I would always be surrounded by beautiful women, next I wished that my pockets would always be full of cash, but...For my 3rd wish, I sorta fucked up...I wished for a 12 inch dick"...The little guy grinned
__________________
... If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be
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