here is a post from the imdb forums... its great :)
Quote:
I love this movie. I really do. I saw it during its theatrical run and laughed so hard that I literally started crying at one point; so when it ended up on DVD, I had to own it. During the year-and-a-half that it has been in my DVD library, I've discovered an interesting fact: I...can't...stop...watching it.
Now, why do I enjoy this movie so much and publically piss all over the far superior "Star Wars" prequels? Well, for one thing, I don't have any emotional stock in "D&D." It's a terrible movie with two-dimensional characters, bad writing, horrible direction, and so many cliches that if you tried making it into a drinking game you'd surely die of alcohol poisoning. It's never more than it appears to be: a potato chip movie. Sure, it'll rot the brain--but only if you take it seriously (which, I'm afraid, the creative forces behind it did, much to their undoing).
"Star Wars," however, DOES mean something to me...So when I see one of THOSE films and find it's riddled with two-dimensional characters, bad writing, horrible direction and a multitude of cliches, I have to wonder whether or not we even need "Spaceballs" anymore. Anyway, I expect more of Mr. Lucas...but NOT of Courtney Solomon.
Solomon and his screenwriters sought to create a trilogy here to cash in on the "Star Wars" phenomenon, and because the anticipation for the first installment of LOTR was growing, a fantasy setting seemed an obvious choice. However, the allusions to LOTR are slight (probably because it had yet to roll off the block); but it's a near-perfect copy of Episode I with a few OT moments thrown in. Obviously, after the success of "Phantom Menace," it seemed an easy tomb to rob. The only thing that surprises me is how few critics (or fanboys) have mentioned it.
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1)THE OPENING TEXT CRAWL
Anytime a fantasy/sci-fi movie opens with either a text or voice reading that "sets the stage," we're reminded of "Star Wars," which did it perfectly and without the pretentiousness that its imitators embraced. In "D&D," Bruce Payne supplies the narrative. It's "Star Wars" in every way, right down to the way the last sentence trails off ("But the evil mage Profion has other plans....).
2)THE YOUNG QUEEN
Now, I don't understand why I was the only one with a problem with the concept of Queen Amidala. First of all, in a monarchy, you don't ELECT a queen; and secondly, if you do, you vote for the candidate who ISN"T thirteen years old. Seriously, how do you LOSE an election like that...?
"D&D" aped this completely. She's young. She's idealistic. She's wooden. She wears god-awful dresses and gaudy head-pieces. Hell, if you want to get REALLY nit-picky about it, you could say that Solomon cast Thora Birch because of the strategically-placed moles on her face that suggest Amidala's "red dot" thing.
3)THE OLDER, TRUSTED ADVISOR WHO'S GONE BAD
Instead of Palpatine, we're treated to Profion, the worst role Jeremy Irons ever took (and his equally worst performance). Behind the scenes, Profion is plotting to overthrow the queen (referred to as "the empress" so as not to seem too blatant a rip-off), and is sowing seeds of discord within the council (senate) in order to overthrow her rule. His dirty work, however, is saved for his chief lieutenant...
4)THE DARK WARRIOR
Bruce Payne's character, Damodar, is equal parts Darth Vader and Darth Maul. He's a towering, sadistic, black-clad, slow-moving and unbelievably strong armour-clad warrior (Vader) who also happens to be bald-headed and painted with stupid-ass make-up (Maul, who didn't look stupid-ass at all). If this wasn't enough, listen for the thinly disguised echo of "The Imperial March" when he first appears at the magic school.
5)LUKE/HAN
In Ridley, we have a combination of the Luke and Han characters. He's a scoundrel who cares nothing for the "greater good," but in the end, is willing to turn aside from his love of money (he rejects a pile of easily obtainable gold) in favour of saving the kingdom from the evil Profion. Also we learn that he has latent magical abilities, stemming from his father (this was to be expanded upon in the sequels, when Damodar tells Ridley, "No--I am your father!").
6)JAR-JAR REDUX
Marlon Wayans. Good God, could the allusion be any more transparent. Let's see: he's a tall, gangly African-American stereotype spouting catch-phrases, bungling his way in and out of trouble, and generally getting on our *beep* nerves witrh his not-so-fun humour. Hell, he even has a hat that resembles a pair of goofy, Gungan-like ears. The only satisfaction is that he dies painfully.
7)THE SCOUNDREL AND THE GOOD GIRL
Like Leia and Han before them, Ridley and Marina come from two different worlds: he's an opportunistic creep and she's a member of the aristocrisy. At first they bitch at each other to work out the sexual tension; but in the end, fall in love, much to our great surprise.
8)THE MIND RAPE
Remember when Vader interrogated Leia, using the mind probe to extract the necessary information? In this movie, he uses a pair of penises that live in his ears.
9)LET'S SAVE THE GIRL FROM THE IMPENETRABLE FORTRESS!
Hey--it's the only way to steal back the much-sought-after "plans," right? And while we're there, let's have a main character die, allowing for our hero to scream "NOOOOO!" (while Milking A Giant Cow, no less).
10)CITIES IN TREES
At least the elf cities in LOTR looked elegant. The one here looks shockingly similar to the Ewok village.
11)THE SWORDFIGHT
When Ridley and Damodar have their duel, the clash of their blades creates a lightning effect, rendering the bad guy's sabre red and the good guy's sabre blue. Damodar is finally defeated after Ridley does a leap, sucker-slashes his foe in the midsection, who then falls over a steep drop. It all seemed vaguely familiar...
12)RESISTING THE DARK SIDE
Ridley is momentarily seduced by dark magic during the climax; but only by turning aside and embracing the light can he persevere. "No! I won't become...YOU!"
13)BORING POLITICS AND BAD CGI.
Come on: you know it's true.
14)SPLIT-SECOND ESCAPE CHOICES
When reaching a dead-end while pursued by baddies, our heroes take the smelliest possible escape route: through the sewers. To reach this destination, they must dive head-first down a chute where they land in a pool of cr@p (not unlike the Death Star trash compactor, or all of "Attack of the Clones").
15)OTHER BLATANT RIP-OFFS
Need I mention how Ridley keeps grinning and saying, "Trust me?" Or how he goes through the Thieves' Maze, a series of "riddles" straight out of all three "Indiana Jones" movies? Or about the scene where Marina, belly-down on the floor, is grasping for the scroll, which during the fight, is getting kicked around like a certain diamond in "The Temple of Doom?" Or how Ridley is stabbed in the shoulder and can be healed only by the King of the Elves? Or that scene where.....
You get the point. Watch this movie. Watch it RIGHT NOW. It might be a hodgepodge of rehashed ideas, but it's ten times more entertaining than these new "Star Wars" movies.
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05-25-2005, 06:54 AM
