Because I am impatient

[novakru]

oh wow Vod:cool:

I can totally picture this as a B&W graphic novel.

[Vodstok]

Originally Posted by novakru

oh wow Vod:cool:

I can totally picture this as a B&W graphic novel.

:D thank you


I am usually pretty light on the visuals, but i was going for a more "Lovecraftian" feel for this one.

[Doc Faustus]

This might be of interest:
http://www.samsdotpublishing.com/tentacles.htm

The imminent death cheapens your ending and the recorder is kind of hackneyed at this point. The atmosphere and usage are skillfully vintage and ring true. I think you may actually have a better story with a survivor than with a casualty. I'm not saying turn the narrator into some howling Friday the 13th style wildman proclaiming dark prophecies, but your ending would feel harsher if he walked away from it.

[Vodstok]

Originally Posted by Doc Faustus

This might be of interest:
http://www.samsdotpublishing.com/tentacles.htm

The imminent death cheapens your ending and the recorder is kind of hackneyed at this point. The atmosphere and usage are skillfully vintage and ring true. I think you may actually have a better story with a survivor than with a casualty. I'm not saying turn the narrator into some howling Friday the 13th style wildman proclaiming dark prophecies, but your ending would feel harsher if he walked away from it.

hmmm... I don't like "cheapened", so i will definitely rethink it... however, I know the recorder thing is hackneyed, it was an intentional throwback to Notebook found in a deserted house by Robert Bloch :)

[novakru]

I like the author being dead-IMHO

[Demonique]

Very good - I'm a bit jealous.
I have two small questions though - I may be misreading but. . .
fowl = pig ?
If the recorder clicks off before the splash - how do we hear the splash?

[Vodstok]

Originally Posted by Demonique

Very good - I'm a bit jealous.
I have two small questions though - I may be misreading but. . .
fowl = pig ?
If the recorder clicks off before the splash - how do we hear the splash?

Fowl: I knew i was going to miss one... :)


It was originally a chicken, but when i typed the line "panic stricken chicken", i felt it kind of hurt the mood :) Godamn find and replace.... Plus, a pig is just more effective than a chicken to me.
(I fixed it :))

As far as the splash, what do you think?:D

[Demonique]

I dunno - I'm still howling with laughter over panic stricken chicken
give me a a minute :p

[novakru]

That didn't even register when I read it (fowl-pig thing)

Demonique-you are sharp :cool:

[Demonique]

English Teacher