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#1
09-16-2004, 11:35 PM
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realy bad joke, dont look.
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf." says Little Red Riding hood. Then the wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched behind a tree stump. "My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf." says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About two miles down the track. Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he's crouched down behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf." taunts Little Red Riding Hood. With that, the big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you FUCKOFF!!!!!...... I'm trying to take a Shit!!!!!!" :D :D 
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#2
09-16-2004, 11:40 PM
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A man walks into his local pub with a big smile on his face. The barman, who is used to seeing him scowling and miserable, asks him why he's so happy.
"I had sex last night," the man replies. "Fifty-two years I've been alive and I've finally lost my virginity." "Really?" the barman asks. "So who was the lucky girl?" "Well you wouldn't believe it," the man said, "but I was out walking last night by the railway tracks and I saw this girl tied to the tracks. You know, just like in the movies. Anyway, I decided I was going to be her hero, so I untied her and took her home and we had sex all night long." "Wow," the barman says. "That's an amazing story. Tell me, was she good looking?" "Don't know," the man replied. "I never did find the head." :D
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#3
09-16-2004, 11:50 PM
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Ha ha. That second one was funny as fuck!!
Heres a text i was sent t'other day..... THE SAD LIFE OF A PENIS: I've only one eye, my hair is a mess, my relatives are nuts, my neighbours an arsehole, my best friends a cunt and my owners a wanker. Thought it was quite funny. In a bit....p
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Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun) -Eddie Izzard. “I could catch a monkey. If I was starving I could. I’d make poison darts out of the poison of the deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself and you’d be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times.” - Gareth from The Office “Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don’t know whether you’re in a trough until you’re climbing out, or on a peak until you’re coming down. And that’s it you know, you never know what’s round the corner. But it’s all good. ‘If you want the rainbow, you’ve gotta put up with the rain.’ Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she’s just a big pair of tits.” - David Brent
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#5
09-17-2004, 03:25 AM
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I guy walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of tequila. The bartender asks what the occasion is. the guy says "I had my first blowjob tonight!"
The bartender says "Well, that is a big deal, how about an 11th shot on the house?" The guy shakes his head and says "Thanks, but if 10 doesnt get the tatse out of my mouth, nothing will."
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Some misguided people decided I was funny enough to pay. See if they're right: http://www.cracked.com/members/Vodstok/ (I tweet pretty hardcore, too)
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#6
09-17-2004, 03:40 AM
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An inflatable kid goes to an inflatable school and is in a lesson taken by an inflatable teacher.
Now the kid is really pissed off with life so he walks up to the teacher, pulls a blade and stabs her. She deflates falling to the floor. The lad runs out the room, down the corridor and out of the school. At the inflatable school entrance he shouts 'i hate this fuckin school' and stabs the wall. With that the school begins to deflate and fall to the ground. The lad runs home and locks himself in the bedroom. Feelin shit about himself and what he'd done he decides 'thats it, i'm gonna end it' and turns the knife on himself. He wakes up hours later in hospital. The inflatable school teacher is in the bed next to him. She turns to her student and says.......... ........'Not only have you let me down, you've let the school down, but most of all, you've let yourself down'. :p P
__________________
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun) -Eddie Izzard. “I could catch a monkey. If I was starving I could. I’d make poison darts out of the poison of the deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself and you’d be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times.” - Gareth from The Office “Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don’t know whether you’re in a trough until you’re climbing out, or on a peak until you’re coming down. And that’s it you know, you never know what’s round the corner. But it’s all good. ‘If you want the rainbow, you’ve gotta put up with the rain.’ Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she’s just a big pair of tits.” - David Brent
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#7
09-17-2004, 03:49 AM
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*BANG!*
*thump....* That was awful preacher.... and yet, it still made me smile :)
__________________
Some misguided people decided I was funny enough to pay. See if they're right: http://www.cracked.com/members/Vodstok/ (I tweet pretty hardcore, too)
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#8
09-17-2004, 04:07 AM
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I knew you'd like that one.
I got thousands of em like that. Trend is i have to tell every one of em after a few beers. You lot better hope to god i'm never drinkin when i'm on here. Hee hee Px
__________________
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun) -Eddie Izzard. “I could catch a monkey. If I was starving I could. I’d make poison darts out of the poison of the deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself and you’d be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times.” - Gareth from The Office “Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don’t know whether you’re in a trough until you’re climbing out, or on a peak until you’re coming down. And that’s it you know, you never know what’s round the corner. But it’s all good. ‘If you want the rainbow, you’ve gotta put up with the rain.’ Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she’s just a big pair of tits.” - David Brent
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#9
09-17-2004, 04:12 AM
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i used to make beak warmers for ducks it wasnt a very good job but it covered the bills
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#10
09-17-2004, 04:16 AM
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19 people on a bus
9 male 9 female and a monkey the bus crashed and everyone died except the monkey the police took him in for questioning they said what were the men doing and he motion to dominoes they said what did the women do and he motione dto knitting then they said what did u do and he motioned to driving
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