got any good jokes?

[Gothic-chick]

What do you give an 80 year old woman for her birthday?








































Mikey! He'll eat anything................

[Vodstok]

Holy crap, that is nasty....:D

A little boy is walking down the street with his dog. the dog is yelping like crazy. a man sees them and asks the little boy what they are doing

"He is my fire engine"

The man notices that the dog is yelping because the boy has the leash tied around the dog's testicles.
"You know, your engine would probably go faster if you put his leash arounfd his neck."

The little boy looks to the man, then the dog, then to the man again and says "Yeah, but then i wouldt have a siren."

[Egekrusher]

That's gross. But it made me giggle. :)

As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he said" "Why are all the blinds drawn?"

The doctor answered: "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

[Egekrusher]

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said "I was cleaning the Fathers room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines"

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them in the trash"

The second nun said, " Well, I can top that. I was in Fathers room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms"

"Oh my" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them" she replied.

The third nun said, "Oh shit."

[Egekrusher]

A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."

The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?"

The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."

[Egekrusher]

Two gay guys were walking together when one of them said, "You're not going to believe this, but I think I smell penis."

The other said, "That's because I just burped."

[Egekrusher]

A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it.

"What happened?" asked the doctor.

"I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer.

The doctor replied, "You must have an awfully wide stance!"

[Egekrusher]

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs !"

"Blowjobs!", the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her ! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off.

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied," If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."

[Je Suis Phnomne]

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis.
With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."

[Je Suis Phnomne]

10 Condom Slogans
Condom Slogans:
1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize