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#1
03-17-2015, 07:24 AM
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The Room
I hope you guys enjoy this short story!
Twenty-two year old Yvonne Ortiz finds herself in a grimy room with a wooden table at the center. There are no doors or windows. The room is illuminated by the swaying, flickering light bulb connected to an extension cord. Is this a prison? How did she get here? She cautiously sits down on the wooden chair and folds her arms. She has no memory of how she ended up in this room. The light bulb continues to flicker. Yvonne notices a red balloon floating in mid air. It gradually gets inflated. It’s at the breaking point…..POP. Silence again. What was that all about? The light bulb flickers. Now, there’s a naked woman standing on the table. She’s covered from head to toe with white powder and her body has been wrapped with barbed wire. Yvonne stares in both confusion and awe. It’s like a bizarre work of art. Suddenly, the barbed wire starts tightening up until it punctures her skin. The woman moans with pleasure as her blood trickles down her legs. The bulb flickers…the woman is no longer there. Yvonne starts getting scared. She shouts, “Hello?” The light bulb flickers. Now, there’s a huge, pulsating maggot on the table. It’s heartbeat echoes throughout the room. As the front part arches upward, slime drops off from it’s body…almost like saliva. Tentacles exit the maggot’s body and begin whipping Yvonne’s face. The light bulb flickers. It’s gone. A door appears on the table. Yvonne curiously gazes at the door knob. She rises to her feet and hesitates for a moment. A way out? Better hurry before the light flickers again. Yvonne jumps onto the table and kneels to turn the knob. She hears it click and she pulls the door open. There is nothing but darkness beyond the door. Hundreds of tentacles reach out and wrap themselves around her body. She gets pulled inside. Several minutes pass. A stream of blood pours out from the door. The light bulb get covered with it. Then, the door slams shut. The light flickers and the door is no longer there. The light bulb flickers rapidly until it turns off. Darkness.
__________________
Your suffering will be legendary, even in hell. 
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#2
03-17-2015, 07:53 AM
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I love that! It sounds like it would make a great short. You should find a way to record it!
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#3
03-17-2015, 07:58 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Your suffering will be legendary, even in hell.
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#4
03-17-2015, 08:22 AM
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Im a rookie myself. Have you heard of Absolute Write Water Cooler? Excellent place for feedback and just general tips. I use it for critiques, but you have to join and do some critiques and get to 50 posts before they let you post your work.
Ive done a few short stories and I wrote a 72k word book recently. Im trying to get things moving with it all.
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#5
03-17-2015, 08:49 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Your suffering will be legendary, even in hell.
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#6
03-17-2015, 09:00 AM
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Quote:
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#8
03-17-2015, 09:07 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Your suffering will be legendary, even in hell.
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#9
03-17-2015, 09:20 AM
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Happy to help. Just remember, take it all in stride and keep in mind, most of them actually know better lol. Don't get discouraged. What you wrote here is pretty dang good and has a ton of potential. It takes criticism to hone our art.
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#10
03-17-2015, 01:04 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Your suffering will be legendary, even in hell.
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