The Horror Movie Survival Guide

[Posher778]

hmm, i was bored.

The horror movie survival guide is a guide to help you survive being in a horror movie type situation. This guide was inspired by the scream trilogy.

Chapter 1: Phone Calls ( a little) , fighting a killer, finishing a killer, killering a killer, checking the children.

If a person calls you with a strange, spooky voice, listen to what they have to say. If the killer says, "have you checked the children?" leave the house as fast as you can. Don't get in a car, don't run into the woods. don't scream for help, and whatever you do, don't make a ton of noise, so basically, don't scream.. again. stay on a road or path, acting as if you yourself were the strange person, and think, "what must he be thinking and doing to get me right now", staying as quiet and careful as possible, until you get to a populated area. if you're in the middle of nowhere, then keep walking. if you're in a desert, just bash your head into a cactus until you die, because hardly anyone ever gets out of a desert alive in a horror movie. By the way... if you have a car that starts, you could've used that one, after checking the backseat first. if your car EVER stalls, don't be stupid and try it. you will be heard, and the person will find you. call the cops if you can, or get to a police station. don't be a dumbass, most cops don't even get the bad guy. he's going to find you and come after you, and you're going to have to deal with it. keep a couple guns on you at all times, and dammit keep them loaded, because you'll run out of bullets. the hero ALWAYS runs out of bullets, so bring extra ammo with you. chainsaws are great choices for survival, as they are scary and loud. and a killer would never suspect that you would be dumb enough to run rambo into combat with him with an active chainsaw, especially if your one of the pg13 girl stars we see today... so do it. and stop trying to just "wound" him. kick his fuckin ass. he's not going to go away, or leave you alone, so don't beg. that shows weakness. go down fighting, and if you can't slice his ass with the chainsaw then try the guns i told you to bring. shoot him in the head. they never die. if you manage to "kill" them, they arent dead. load another clip into his FACE. If you have yourself a sequel killer ( meaning they come back multiple times for you), take him out again, chop off his hands, feet, knees, upper legs, head, elbows arms... EVERYTHING, and have his individual body parts placed in secure places all around the earth, so he can NOT come back. you may get attacked by a killer foot or something sometime... so be alert. and you might want to get someone to check the children or something, and yes i realize that this chapter ended up having almost NOTHING to do with phone calls. deal with it.

Chapter 2 next post

[Posher778]

Chapter 2: places killers are waiting.


Killers often wait for you to come to them, and this chapter will help you not go to those places.

1 under beds. they like to be under beds, so dont look under them, or walk near them, just avoid them.

2 behind doors... i cannot tell you how many times people get killed because they werent ready for a killer behind a door... to stop a killer that you think is behind a door, swing it closed FAST and SMACK with whatever weapon you have and back up, or run out of the room and out of the house as fast as you can. don't go back to where you founf them, they wont be where you left them if you knocked them out, and they WILL be waiting for you.


3 mirrors. killers pop up in mirrors behind people in almost every movie, get used to it. just break all the mirrors in your house now if your a victim of said horror movie style killings and such. sure its extreme... but then again... so is this guide. so get over it. dont have mirrors on the back of your door, if you close the door, he'll be standing there behind you. just close the door and quickly turn around and swing a weapon as fast as you can. aim for the eyes and forehead, they work the best.

4 backseats of cars. killers hide here a lot. just check the backseat before you get in... check under the car too, or just don't use ur car, run you idiot, stop reading and run!!


more later, i'm tired. don't post your own chapters, this is mah book, copyright by something i made up.

[tachii]

Originally posted by Posher778
hmm, .

... if you have a car that starts, you could've used that one, after checking the backseat first.
Chapter 2 next post

how about checking under the car before leaving, make sure you don't have a hitcher (Cape Fear).:D

[Posher778]

i typed that. chapter 2 i think.


mmmhmm

[tachii]

Originally posted by Posher778
Chapter 2: places killers are waiting.




2 ... to stop a killer that you think is behind a door, swing it closed FAST and SMACK with whatever weapon you have and back up, or run out of the room and out of the house as fast as you can. .




4 backseats of cars. killers hide here a lot. just check the backseat before you get in... check under the car too, or just don't use ur car, run you idiot, stop reading and run!!


.

ok i should have finishe reading; you beat me to the under the car thing, but (2) how about just hitting him in the balls? that works too.

[Posher778]

well, most killers wouldnt have a problem with this, even though it would hurt... but i'm pretty sure that they would still get you easier unless you went for the eyes or something. but yes, if you have the CHANCE, donkey punch the balls.

[tachii]

:D

or go for a kidney stab