These are just some quick notes. I love the story and the full circle, its a blast. There are a few things I would point out below. Otherwise keep it up, its great. Take everything I say with a grain of salt and don't think you have to change anything just because I suggest, I may not know what Im talking about either.
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She’s always despised slimy creatures like squids and octopuses.
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I think you can remove the "like squids and octopuses." I see your trying to set up the coming revelation, but I think it may be to revealing and take away from the tension.
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While struggling to break free, a dim light shines on the creature.
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From where? Just a suggestion but giving a source for the light helps the reader know what we are seeing.
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The creature’s moan is deafening. Yvonne’s ears ring afterwards and now she sees the creature opening its mouth. It drools and pulls her quickly. She yells, “No! No! Wait!!!”
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This may be a good place to add some description of the mouth. Make it intense and scary but realistic.
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A man is sitting on a chair while being eaten alive by five year old children.
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Maybe drop the "five year old". Upon opening a door and catching something shocking, she probably wouldn't be assessing age.
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One of the kids chews off his penis and blood squirts in all directions.
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This doesn't bother me, as I love gore. But it would be considered to much if you ever tried to send it in to contests or get it put in an anthology. Just a heads up.