|
Class was about a perfectly suiting subject. We covered medieval times and went over the plague and some of the cruel methods they used to torture people who broke the law. We talked at length about how they would draw and quarter people and about the rack. She loved it when I was so involved. We did our normal science stuff, I wasn’t too interested in it. She started teaching me Algebra, which was actually pretty exciting. I learned a lot that half day, I think I was able to concentrate better than I had in a while.
After we finished up, I helped clean the dry erase board and then headed outside to kill some time in the woods. I went out to the creek and skipped a couple stones. It was a pretty beautiful day, the trees where regrowing their leaves and there were a lot of tad poles in the creek. I walked on and out into the clearing. I walked over to it, the dried coyote blood was still in place on the doorway and everything looked exactly like I had left it. I looked over the little skulls hanging all over the ceiling. There must have been fifty of them now. I walked in and ran my hand through them above my head. I sat under the macabre site that I just loved being around and picked up my turtles. Leonardo and Shredder had been collecting dust, neglected by me because of my new toys. I wiped the dirt and dust off of them and stood them back up. There they looked exactly like they had the day I drug the little rabbit in here to help it back to health and ended up peeling its skin back and playing with its body.
While I was sitting there remember the first time I found out how much fun taking something apart was going to be, I heard the voice “Today, you will become whole, soon you will become a man.” Following it were flashes of my mother and Edith, a couple flashes of Sarah. I could see myself laying under a body hung by its feet from a ceiling beam in a dark room, a long deep cut through its neck, the blood pouring down over me. It was so vivid I could feel it. Then as quickly as the images came, they were gone and I was sitting in my little fort alone. I figured it was a good time to head home, the sun was beginning to come down and dinner wouldn’t be long.
While I was walking back to the house I started thinking about mother. I hadn’t seen her in weeks, maybe it had been months. I began to get a little worried but reminded myself that this is just what she does. The walk back to the house was pleasant and quiet. When I got to the back door I took one huge deep breath of fresh air and headed in and up to my room. I was starving, I guess I skipped lunch while I was outside and didn’t really realize it. The smells of dinner made my stomach growl.
Dinner was mostly normal, good food, good conversation with Edith. I helped clean up and went to play games. I heard Edith head to bed sometime around 10 p.m. So far today had been good but mostly uneventful, I wonder what was supposed to happen. Just then this feeling rushed through me, I needed to go downstairs. Something was waiting for me. I got up and headed straight for the door. As I walked by Edith’s room her door opened. She said “I thought I heard your door close, are you ok?” I looked at her, the words sounded distorted, like we were under water. I replied “Im fine, just going to get a snack.” “Do you need help?” She asked. I said “No, Im ok, just go on to bed. Goodnight.” Then I continued down the hall to the stairs.
I came down the stairs into the kitchen not really knowing why I was down here. I felt like I was being led by something. It was a lot like the feeling I had when I was working on the coyote. Like I was present and conscious but just barely. I walked through the first floor and to the hallway that led to mother’s room. Walking down the hall I started to think, I couldn’t hurt my mother. I started yelling inside of my own head “No, I won’t hurt mother. I love her! You can’t make me do this.” Then a scolding voice, so loud in my head that it hurt “Shut up pussy! You will do whatever I want, until you know how to control this, you are mine.” I walked down the hall, trailing my fingers along the walls all the way down. When I got to the door I reached for the handle, the door swung in before I could touch it. There she was.
That’s the moment, my head spun quick, energy coursed through my body, for a split second I could feel my mind open up and the two worlds inside of me collide. My eyes fell on my mother’s feet dangling about two feet over the ground. She hung from her neck, her head crooked to the side. There was a little line of drool streaming down out of her mouth. I paid close attention and looked her over from top to bottom. She was just as beautiful as always, maybe even more so now. I walked over to her, when I got close I felt the carpet squish under my feet. Urine dripped down her leg and off of her heal. She must have just done this. I reached out my hand and touched her ankle, the flesh was still warm. My hand ran up her leg and under her night gown. I stared at her swinging slightly now that I had touched her, as my fingers brushed against the hair of her vagina. I pulled my hand back slowly, there hadn’t been any sound in my head during this whole time. But I felt complete, for the first time, I felt like the other me was there and was going to stay with me.
I walked over to the desk in the corner of her room where a single piece of paper sat. At the top is said “I am so sorry.” Then it read;
Michael,
I can’t explain what is going on in my mind while I write this, I feel like everything is wrong. I know I’m not a good mother to you. I have been lost sense your father’s death, I know he was cheating on me for years but he was still mine. This won’t be long but I have to tell you, I wish I could have been better to you. All of this time I should have been with you, watching you grow up. I started having a deep feeling of fear any time we were together about four years ago. I haven’t been able to shake it, and I have felt completely trapped in this room. I think something is wrong with you Michael, but I can’t stay here like this anymore. Please forgive me, and promise me that you will get help for anything that is plaguing you.
You’re Loving Mother
I picked the letter up and folded into a tight little square. It slid into my pocket, I will keep this forever. I could hear the rope squeaking behind me as her lifeless body swung slowly back and forth. I registered the chair that she had used to climb up on that was tumbled over on its side. I wanted to spend more time with her, but I knew that if I did, somebody would be able to tell. I walked back by her again and gave her a tight hug, she smelled of her normal perfume and a slight hint of the urine dripping from her heal. I thought about touching her again, but resisted. I smiled up at her contorted face and said, “Thank you mom, you gave me what I needed to become whole. Your sacrifice is wonderful. I will honor you as I do my future work.” With that, I walked to the doorway and let out a loud scream that I knew would alarm Edith. Then I got down on my knees and put my head in my hands summoning tears.
I could hear Edith come down the stairs and run down the hallway. She must have seen mother beyond the door because she fell directly on top of me and held me. She was whispering “It’s going to be ok my boy, just be strong.” Over and over. I faked crying harder than I had ever cried before. She helped me to my feet, just before she turned me around to head back down the hall I caught one more glimpse of my mother’s face. Her eyes wide open, her jaw hanging open and I flashed a quick smile her way. I knew she could still see me, I just knew it.
|