[Psycom5k]

So today I feel a little bit better. I still feel like everybody just walks allover me, and I'm still depressed, but its not as bad as the past couple of days. I still wonder what it would be like if I wasn't the person that I am, like if I didn't care so much, or how it would be like if i was an asshole like everybody else around me. But I can't be like that, I'm just not wired that way. I just want to be happy with who I am, and how I am. I don't know what its going to be like after I do go and get some help, but I'm hoping it turns out to be better than now. I want to be able to go out and have fun without having to worry about the shit I normally do. Now that I think about it, I think the last time I didn't really care about what people thought was when I was a kid. I always had so much fun back then, and I didn't have to worry about how I acted or what other people thought of me. I want to be like that again, I just don't know how I'm going to do that. And I know its not going to be easy to get over the problems I'm having, but I know I have to work for it, and do it myself. because I'm really the only one who can do that.

I want to thank you all again, for all the advice, and all of the support. I haven't talked about this with anybody else(accept my doctor), but tomorrow me and my best friend have plans to go fishing. I think i'm going to talk about it then. And see what he says. But if it wasn't for you guys, I don't think I would be able to. Thank you. I know its probably alot easier to talk about it on here, because for the most part its still pretty anonymous. But you guys are giving me the courage to talk about it openly. Again, thank you for that. It really means alot to me.