[Psycom5k]

So, just to start out, I want you to know that if you read this, its because after typing this out, I chose to post this. But as of right now I don't know if I am going to or not. I don't really let alot of people know me, truly know me, like my inner thoughts or my feelings. So this is hard enough typing it out, but I don't know what else to do. I thought that if I did I could feel better about myself at least. Or at leat it would calm me down, I don't know to tell you the truth. I'm just looking for some way to get this out. And i'm sorry if this bothers anybody. And i'm sorry for bothering you with this(if I do decide to post it), but please, don't harrass me or make fun of me or anything, I have enough of it in my life allready, and I just can't take anymore, and I think I need help.

Right now i'm really down on myself, I hate myself, and I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I feel like everybody around me hates me. I can't help but get into arguments with anybody anymore. It seems like nobody has any respect for me, my feelings, or my things. I do my best to try to respect everybody, and I appologize whenever I do anything wrong, or even when I know i'm right but I just don't want any problems with people. But it just seems that no matter what I do I just can't get anybody to listen to me or to what I say. I ask them nicely, I try talking to them and explaining it, and I even try screaming at them. But nobody listens to me, its like nobody cares what I think, how I feel, or anything. I can't be me around most people, there are only three people I really feel comfortable talking to about me, and who I am comfortable to be myself around. Its easier for me on here because I have chosen to keep myself for the most part anonymous. I like that because its easier for me to be me then, and I don't have to worry about anybody harrassing me about it, or starting shit with me because all I need to do is click the little exit button and it all goes away. But life doesn't have that little X button to make everything go away. I wish it did though, because it would be much easier. I hate putting myself out there for everybody to see, I don't know how they will take it. I don't want everybody to love me, I just wish everybody liked me. I don't like having problems with people, I want everybody to be happy, I want to be happy. I want everybody to like me for who I am, and I want them to expect me to be me, and not how they want me. And i've had people tell me that I should go and talk to some kind of counselor or a shrink or somebody, but I don't think that its really worth it, because there are much worse things in the world, and there will always be, but in time I can probably get over this shit. But I just don't know what to do anymore, I stopped dating, I hardly go out unless its with my best friend, and then when we're in public I don't feel comfortable at all. I don't even feel comfortable talking to my family about this because I don't feel like any of them respect me, they all act like i'm an idiot, and I'm always wrong with them, even when I try telling them how I feel, truly deep down whats bothering me, they say i'm wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore, i'm at my wits end, and I'm about ready to cut my ties with everybody and just give up. I don't want to, but I can't take this for much longer. I can't even beme around my parents because I'm afraid they are going to be dissapointed in me.

I just decided to post this, because I want to ask you guys for your advice, or your help, or even just telling me that I'm not a peice of shit. Just anything would really help. I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for bothering you with this.