[mothermold]

Plan X

A husband and wife are having sex upstairs with the window open when a bumblebee flies in the window and into the wife’s vagina. The man and the woman freak out and decide to go to the emergency room. When they finally get to see a doctor, he says that his plan is to put honey on the tip of his penis, to start having sex with the woman, and then to attract the bee and pull out his penis along with the bee. After a minute the husband and wife agree to the plan. The doctor starts having sex with the wife. At first the mood is still calm, but after a couple of minutes the doctor starts groping the wife’s breasts. She starts moaning and screaming along with the doctor. The husband yells, "Wait a minute! What the hell do you think you are doing doctor?" and the doctor replies, "change of plan buddy, I’m gonna drown this son of a bitch"


Confessional

A priest is receiving confession, and a rabbi joins him. A woman comes up to the priest and says "Father I have comitted adultery". The priest asks "how many times?". The woman says three. The priest says "OK I’ll tell you what. You donate $20 and say 12 Hail May and you are forgiven".
After this the priest has to go somewhere and he tells the rabbi "You stay and
confess the rest of these people, after all it is the same God. Just be sure and get the money". So the rabbi is sitting there and another woman comes up and says "Father I have comitted adultery". The rabbi asks "how many times?", and the woman says once. Now he is stumped and he asks her again "are you sure it was’nt three times". The woman is offended and says in an indignant tone "No father, it was just once". So the rabbi says "OK I will tell you what. You donate $20 and say 12 Hail May and the church will owe you two fucks".


Oh Jesus

One day little Susie went out to play when she found her cat Mr. Piddles laying in the garden with his legs straight up. Well she got scared and went to get her daddy. When the father saw he said "Sweety im sorry but Mr. Piddles is dead. "She said "well why is his legs up in the air?" Daddy told her because it will be easier for Jesus to sweep down and grab his leg and take him to heaven. Well a few days passed and the father came home from work, Susie came running up to him and said "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today." Daddy asked "What do you mean? " She said "Well mommy was laying on the floor with her legs in the air saying "Oh Jesus Im coming, Im coming", And if it wasnt for the mailman holding her down,she surely would have gone!