[Zero]

should i go ahead and make my acceptance speech now? - i'm on a kind of tight schedule and, to be honest, this kind of piddly ass awards show is a waste of my valuable time. . .

oh wait. . . is the mic on?

oh, shit, uhm, i mean, uh, 'ha ha' - what a funny joke because, y'know folks, sweeping these awards, what were they called again, the horries? - yeah, well, whatever, anyway, sweeping all the awards for your little group is, and let me tell you from the bottom of my heart, it is the biggest single honor I will receive. . well today at least, unless you count the extra cheese they put on my bagel sandwich this morning without charging. . . that's right without charging me a dime.

Now, i could point out that your little awards would benefit from some kind of material 'bling bling' if you know what i mean - maybe a gift basket or a gold statue - hey, y'know real gold would make this whole thing really worthwhile. . but i digress. . .

so, anyway, now that i've got your attention i'd just like to say thanks to, well y'know all those people who are expecting to hear their name - just insert it here. and, of course, i'd like to thank all the little people, and by little people i mean you guys -- and honest to god you are kind of short, is that a membership requirement. . . but, again i digress. . .

the main point is that you had to honor someone, you chose me and i am now honored, well to some extent. . . now where's my limo