Ha, cute.
Actually, you might want to listen to me.
The greater lot of PC geeks will tell you to get both Spybot S&D (
www.safer-networking.org/en/home/index.html) and Ad-Aware from Lavasoft (
www.lavasoftusa.com).
Individually, both of these programs work great, but each is usually able to nab a few things that the other couldn't. It is recommended that you run both periodically to keep your system safe & clean. Once a week works great for me.
Edit: I also suggest keeping a current subscription to an anti-virus program such as McAfee.
I hear AVG from Grisoft (
http://www.grisoft.com ) is a decent free anti-virus program. They also offer a "professional" version of the software for a fee.