[ShankS]

How to shower like a Woman:

· Get in shower.
· Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
· Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
· Wash hair again to make sure it's clean.
· Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.
· Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes, until red.
· Wash entire rest of body with gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.
· Shave armpits and legs.
· Turn off shower.
· Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Exitmould.
· Get out of shower.
· Dry with towel the size of a small country.
· Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
· Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs.
· Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
· If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.

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How to shower like a Man:

· Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed.
· Leave in a pile.
· Walk naked to the bathroom.
· If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound.
· Look at manly physique in mirror.
· Admire size of knob and scratch your bum.
· Get in the shower.
· Wash your face.
· Wash your armpits.
· Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
· Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
· Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
· Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.
· Shampoo hair.
· Make shampoo mohawk.
· Pee.
· Rinse off and get out of shower.
· Partially dry-off.
· Fail to notice water on floor.
· Admire knob size in mirror again.
· Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
· Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
· If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again.
· Throw wet towel on bed.