[cheebacheeba]

youve probably heard this one;
1:A blind guy and his dog walk into a bar (no, this isn't the one where you say "you think the dog would've avoided it"), the guy is half way up to the bar when he and the dog stop, he grabs the dog by tha tail, and starts swinging it around and around in circles. The bartender, not really diggint the apparent animal cruelty, goes up to the guy, and asks what the fuck is going on...The blind guy replies, "relax, he's used to it, I'm just taking a look around"

2: q-Whats stiff in the morning and makes women scream?
a- S.I.D.S victims (I know I'm gonna get shreded for that one, and the next one, but hey, they aint my originals)

3: q-Whats black and blue and hates sex?
a- victims of violent rape

4: Theres this bum, who on his birthday, had actually managed to save up $20 - just enough cash for a fuck at the cheapest, scummiest whorehouse in town. So, he goes into the eatery/bar in the front, tells the barman what he's after, who then makes a phonecall, hangs up, turns back to the bum, and says "That'll be $15. they're all occupied at this time, feel free to have a seat and wait"
So, the bum has a seat, hands the 'tender the $20 and buys a jug of beer with the remaining fiver. Now, as he's about 3 glasses into the beer, he's getting kind of peckish, seeing all the other patrons eating nearby. Just then, as though in answer to his prayers, a woman in a white apron comes out of the room in the back, which the bum figures must be their kitchen, as she's carrying a large container full of what seems to be canned tomatos. She places the container down under the bar "door", and goes back into the kitchen. The bum's quiet hungry by now, and asks the 'tender if he can have a few of "thosse thingsh in there" to eat. The 'tender gives him a "weirdo" look, but says "whatever does it for you my friend...they'll only be thrown out tomorow" Now, this guy was used to eating some pretty fucked-up stuff, rats, garbage, half eaten mouldy burgers....So, he goes for it, one after another of these tomatos, which are a little soft, but in some truly excellent sauce. On his fifth tomato,
a young hooker comes up, sits next to him, and quickly turns away, muttering something and goes over to the next waiting customer. This happens twice more, and when the fourth hooker sits down, and says "no way!", going with yet another guy, the bum speaks up to the 'tender. (I'm not gonna waste my time typing drunk-talk, but he's wasted by now, having had the whole jug) "I'm sick of this kind of treatment, it's my birthday,I'm sure I was here before that last guy, I paid you in up front, and all youve done is given me these lousy tomatos from your god-damn kitchen, whats the problem?"
"Well," says the bartender, "First of all, that's not the kitchen, it's the on-site "clinic", and those are NOT tomatoes, they're abortions"

ok, well, thats it from me...looking foward to the hate-posts...:p