[Stingy Jack]

HALLOWEEN! I'm quite fond of the autumn season, especially. I love the bare trees, the sound of dry leaves rustling in the wind, and how everything looks orange and the air is crisp. Plus, this is the season when all the spooky stuff is put out in the stores, and all of the commercials on TV have a "horror" theme. I usually decorate the hell out of my house (my neighbors think I'm weird because my house is more decorated for Halloween than it is for Christmas). We've recently started the tradition of going to this great pumpkin farm south of Memphis. We'll pick our own pumpkins, and usually paint some of them there and take the others home to carve. This farm also has Halloween toys for sale in their shop, and at night it has a fun Haunted Trail. Then, on Halloween night, I don a hideous costume and answer the door while my wife takes my kid trick-or-treating (or, sometimes she'll answer the door while I go.) When it is done, we have some friends over for a horror movie-thon.

Christmas is okay, but it's always disappointing. It's like a month of foreplay that culminates into the orgasmic frensy of Christmas morning. Once it's done (which is pretty quickly) I look around and say "That's it?" Then all I want to do is sleep.