How to Know if You Are an Asshole
 

Lesson One : At the Movies


you are an asshole if :


1) you talk on your cellphone during the movie

2) you sit directly in front of a kid who was there long before you, and the theatre is almost empty

3) you put your feet up on the seat ahead of you. fucking filthy habit

4) you kick the seat in front of you repeatedly (one accident is ok)

5) you let your kids run wild during the show

6) you talk during the movie

7) you crinkle candy wrappers all through the film

8) you spill your drink on the floor

9) you yell stuff at the screen

10) you bring a laser pen - and use it.

Lesson One : At the Movies


you are an asshole if :


1) you talk on your cellphone during the movie - NEVER

2) you sit directly in front of a kid who was there long before you, and the theatre is almost empty - Nope, unless he's behind the seat I want.

3) you put your feet up on the seat ahead of you. fucking filthy habit - Nope, I sit behind the bar, but this never bothers me if the seat in front is empty.

4) you kick the seat in front of you repeatedly (one accident is ok) - Nope

5) you let your kids run wild during the show - No kids

6) you talk during the movie - Nope, during the previews though.

7) you crinkle candy wrappers all through the film - Try not to, but if you buy candy it's not even in the box anymore, it's in a crappy plastic package inside the box. Sorry, but if I pay $9.00 for some Raisenettes, I'm eating them during the movie.

8) you spill your drink on the floor - I hope not, people can have accidents without being an asshole though.

9) you yell stuff at the screen - Never

10) you bring a laser pen - and use it. - Never

LESSON TWO: DRIVING

1] YOU DON'T USE TURN SINGLES

2] YOU TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE

3] YOU TOSS PAPER OR OTHER GARBAGE OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE

4] YOU EAT WHILE DRIVING

5] YOU BLAST YOUR MUSIC [usually rap ]

6] YOU TAILGATE [GET THE FUCK OFF MY ASS ]

7] YOU DRIVE TOO SLOW IN THE PASSING LANE

think it through ... we walk through all manner of shit in our shoes

the seat isnt always going to be empty - the next person to sit there will have their head where the dirty fucking soes were.

it wouldnt be acceptable behavior in your home on your furniture .. it's not acceptable in a theatre.

3) you put your feet up on the seat ahead of you. fucking filthy habit


6) you talk during the movie




Guilty.

funny thing about L.A. - everyone here seems to be somehow attached to the movie industry, so the theaters (particularly the two Arclight venues) are like churches - everyone seems to have an almost reverentuial attitude toward the movie-going experience

the exception is the New Beverly Cinema where bringing in beer/weed is expected and everyone shouts at the screen - but it is also like a church... or more like a cult

I'd be throwing someone out of a theater who was talking on thier phone or texting during a film

*raises hand, stands up solemnly, looks around at the others, and speaks in a low, guilty-ridden voice*

My name is __V__, and I am an asshole...




























































...oops, wrong meeting.

some asshole was talking on his blackberry directly behind me a couple of movies ago .. i turned full around - stared at him - and said "You've got to be fucking kidding me" he hung up

remind me to put dogshit in your baseball hat