Epiphany lights fire under Dad's ass
 

Ever have those moments, little tiny ones, that change your entire view of the world?

I have been having a hard time recently. Because i stayed home a LOT a couple of weeks ago because the whole family was sick, i got to spend a ton of time with my daughter and wife. Now, when i am at work, it is killing me to be away from them, especially Lily, because she is my little girl.

it doesnt help that she points to me in our family portrait and sayd "daddy!" all day when I am not there.

Today, on the way into work, Opie and Anthony were talking about an American Idol contestant named Sarah. She is a girl from Ohio that was completely broken up because all she has ever wanted out of life was approval from her father, and he constantly puts her down. Well, she made it to Hollywood, and they got her father on the phone, and she was crying "Daddy, im sorry." because she lied and said she was at a friends, when in fact she was in New York, and her parents sisnt want her to audition for the show.

His response? "Who is this?" What the hell?

Who the hell else would it be?

Anyway, he said he was proud, and hoped she got home safe, but sounded like he knew this was going to be on TV so he had to say the right thing, he didnt have a shred of emoption in his voice.

All i could think of was "What kind of father does that to their kid?"

later, for some odd reason, I remembered RA Salvatore. For anyone who doesnt know, he is a fantasy author, and incidentally the guy who made me want to write (I ama big fan of his Dark Elf trilogy), so I owe all of my passion for writing to him.

I downloaded a bunch of podcasts from his website, and he said something that Rod had actually said before; Being a writer allowed him to watch his kids grow up. He talked about how when he would take his son to afternoon hockey practice, he was one of 2 dads that were there. All the others were off at work, and in most cases, so were the mothers.

The two things together were a little light bulb that clicke don in my head. I have been wanting to start my own web design and proigramming business, and write full time (if really lucky). i have known for a long time that this is what i wanted, but just kindof sat on my hands and let things play out as they will.

I dont htink so any more. I am oddly fatalistic about a lot of things, and today seems like someone was giving me some advice, if i was paying attention.

I am usually gone from my house between 11 and 13 hours a day, between work and my commute. I think it is time to change that.

I would be a lot more okay with my current situation if i got to see my daughter more than 40 minutes a day. The hours i am gone are the ones she is awake. That really sucks.

I know i am being greedy, i want a win-win situation wher ei get to live my life's dream AND get to spend tim ewith my kid.

And dont worry about socialization, she will be going to preschool :)

Not to mention Bree runs a playgroup, so she is getting outside exposure.

I'm so glad to hear this, Vod. There is always a way - find it. You'll never get the time back, so maximize it now.

Bree has been on a mission her entire life to make sure that her kid doesnt have a childhood like she had. Neither of us are terribly social, and it has everything to with how we grew up. Her past is very much like how you described yours, with the possible exception that her mother always loved her and never told her she was a mistake, but she slipped up BAD along the way.

We dont want Lily to be an outcast unless she decides to be.


:) I am trying :)

Very true.
The more you put in now, the more you will get back later.Most of my kids are in their twentys and we have a great relationship with all of them.

I do,on occasion,notice my beer supply dwindle.:mad:

Beer doesnt last in our house. a12 pack wont survive a weekend. And I am the only one who even drinks it....