Dear IA
 

On Zero's request, I've made an advice column. Problems with love? Sex? Money? Money for sex?
Ask "Dear IA" and I'll come up with some bullshit answer.

...why does this remind me of that whole trend Murderdoll started? (We all know how that turned out)

Dear Eye-Ah,

If one is jet-skiing, and one of the wheels fall off, does it take the same number of pancakes to cover a dog house?

Not my field of expertise. If I had to guess, I'd say pumpkin.

Dear Eee-uh,
How do I get more people to vote in my new Movie Villains Tournament?

I bumped it with my vote.

...VOTE FOR THE MOVIE VILLAINS TOURNAMENT RIGHT NOW.

I may not be Mr. Eee-uh, but I know the answer. You give everybody free punch and pie. If that doesn't work, you smack them! :p

Who's advice column?

Oh THAT'S right...

Dear I.A

My girlfriend says I'm living in the past because of the sideburns on my scrotum. I've said to her that classic cuts never go out of style but she doesn't agree and won't compromise. Should I kick her to the curb or bite the bullet and try a more modern pubic hair style?

Disco Sack

Here's a great question.

Hairstyles are one of those physical traits that does change with trends. However, many in my profession go by the "equator rule". That is where anything about your waist line is subject to trends (i.e. haircuts, shirts, make-up, jewelry). Oppositely, anything below the "equator" is free to whatever style and shape the owner desires.

This being said, you should politely explain to your girlfriend that your pubic hair is your business and she should rightly shut her fucking mouth.

Dear I.A,

I have had this problem for sometime now and really need to get it under control. I fart too much. So uh..Can you help me ?