Im writing a book and need feedback.
 

So I am writing a book and need some feedback. Let me be up front, I am not an author. I have been creating a story and a location in my mind for the last five years and decided recently that I should try to build it. I started with one paragraph and then it kept coming. I am about halfway through it and was thinking I could drop a chapter at a time here and hopefully get some honest feedback. After running it through friends, I get great responses but naturally they wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. So feel free, be honest and help a fellow horror fanatic out.

Short one sentence description:
A coming of age tale of a budding serial killer told from his own perspective looking back on his childhood.

I will post the first chapter below.

Introduction
 

Introduction

I love this feeling, the feeling of complete satisfaction as the blood pours over my knuckles from the jagged cut in his throat. It has been a long time coming and the anticipation has built to this beautiful moment. I know this is an odd place to start my story, but its one of my favorite parts. His name is Joseph and he is a handsome young man of 22. His young wife, Sarah, is on the other side of the room trying not to watch. But lets start at the beginning and work our way up to here.
I have lived in this house alone for a long time, I think my name is Michael but I haven’t heard it spoken aloud in some six years. I raised myself from the young age of thirteen. My parents passed when I was twelve and the caretaker when I was thirteen. I had a great childhood, I grew up very wealthy and could have anything I ever wanted. My father was in the oil industry and spent very little time at home, always flying from state to state. My mother on the other hand was always there, but never present. She held up in her room most of the time. She was a beautiful woman, and incredibly smart but she hated that father was always away.
I was always a little different. I went to a private school until I was eight. I had a problem keeping my hands to myself. I loved the way people’s skin felt under my fingers. At first it was just light touching, boys or girls, it was not a sexual thing. Just a quick brush against as I walked by, or an “accidental” trip and fall, lightly grazing their skin as I went down. They all thought I was so clumsy. I was fascinated with the way everyone’s skin felt different. Sometime in my eighth year, after a scuffle with another boy, I realized that when you squeeze someone’s arm tight you can feel things under the skin. You could feel their muscles move and their tendons tighten. All I wanted from that point forward was to see it, see how it all worked under there. I started to get into more fights just to get the opportunity to grab and squeeze and feel how a person’s body moved. The Dean said that I was dangerous and told my parents I was no longer welcome. I managed to convince mother and father that it was a misunderstanding, that the other kids would pick on me and I was just defending myself. They were incredibly gullible.
My father decided that I would be better off home schooled. They hired a nice live in teacher, her name was Jennifer. She was a beautiful young girl in her mid-twenties. She had long black hair, green eyes and always dressed appropriately. Her skin was so soft, not a flaw to be seen. She was the nicest person I had ever met and we got along great. Looking back, she was one of the few people I never fantasized about skinning.
Being home so much proved bad for my fantasies. I spent a lot of time daydreaming. Things took an interesting turn about three months after I started taking my lessons at home. The house is huge and a little secluded. We have an amazing forest all around us. I wasn’t good at making friends and I honestly had very little interest in trying to so I spent the majority of my free time exploring those woods. I knew them inside and out. I had built a small fort a good mile from the house in a small clearing not far from the little creek that ran through our property. It was made from logs that I had found in the woods and had a roof made of tree branches. There were no windows so it was a little dark inside, but for Christ’s sake, I wasn’t a carpenter. Inside there was little to look at. I had a table and a lantern. I hung a sign on the outside that said “Enter at your own risk”, even though I knew that nobody would ever find my little retreat. My father owned 500 acres and I was so far from the property line that I never even heard cars drive by. I spent a lot of time carving sticks into spears and playing with my Ninja Turtles out there after my lessons were through.
One spring day I had come across a rabbit on my way to the fort. It was pretty big and wiggling around on the ground. It had broken one of its back legs in what I imagined was an epic battle with a pack of coyote’s. I looked into its eye and saw incredible fear, I felt like I could see into its soul. It was screaming out for help in that look that it gave me. My first thought was to take it back to the fort and nurse it back to health. I fashioned a makeshift stretcher from sticks and carefully moved it onto it. I carried it the rest of the way to the fort with my mind racing about what I would be able to do to help it.
After about 15 minutes I arrived at my fort and walked through the small door past the sign meant to keep away any intruders. It was exactly as I had left it, Leonardo and Shredder in an endless battle. I sat the rabbit down in the middle of the room and turned on the small battery powered lantern that I had hung from one of the branches making up the roof. I moved the rabbit from the home made stretcher to the little table that I had fought to get out of the house without anyone noticing, not that they would have noticed me anyway. I stood there, just looking at it and trying to figure out what to do. I thought I could make a splint for the leg and went to gather a few small sticks. While I was outside rummaging through the brush I heard a horrible screeching sound coming from inside of my fort. I dropped everything and ran back thinking to myself that the coyotes had followed us. When I got about 20 feet from the entrance I slowed to a walk and moved very slowly and quietly, as to not alert the coyotes, up to my little shanty. I was listening to the wailing of the rabbit and for any noises the coyotes might make. Peaking slowly around the doorway, I saw the rabbit laying on the ground but no coyotes anywhere. It looked like he had tried to escape and fell off of the table. A quick jab of anger shot through my body. Why would it try to run away when I was just trying to help it? Didn’t it want to be my friend? I walked over to the rabbit and grabbed it by the broken leg yanking it up and back onto the table. It let out an incredible screech of pain that I barely heard. My vision had gone red and all I wanted to do was take this mean little creature back to the woods and let the coyotes have it. After slamming it back onto the table I noticed my hand felt a little wet and I looked down. There was a small amount of the animal’s blood on my fingers and my anger instantly melted away. I didn’t notice at the time but everything melted away. The sound of the rabbit screeching was gone, the thoughts of my lessons and gorgeous Jennifer, even the eternal struggle of good vs. evil happening between Leo and Shredder just feet away, disappeared. I felt… completely satisfied as I slowly rubbed my fingers together and felt the warm blood smear. As I watched it start to dry and turn more ruddy and sticky. It was the single greatest feeling of my life so far. It was then that I noticed, from the corner of my eye, the rabbits muscles ripple under its fur. At that moment all of my curiosity about what happens under someone’s skin came rushing back and all I could think about was how I could finally know.
I grabbed it by the ears slid the point of my pocket knife into its throat. It twitched and its back legs kicked out, but only for a second. I watched as the life drained out of its eyes and I thought I could almost hear it thanking me for putting it out of its misery. The following may have taken hours or days. I fell into a blurry, confused, daze as I tried to figure out how to take the skin off of it. After a few failed attempts at finding somewhere to start and unfortunately ruining some of its better parts, I cut a circle around its neck and wiggled my fingers under the skin. Again that feeling of ecstasy came over me. As I worked at the skin over the next few hours, enjoying every second, I took my time looking at every muscle, every tendon. I bent the joints to see how they moved, it was amazing. It was everything I had wanted and more. After a little time I looked around and realized that it had gotten dark and my lantern was starting to die. If I wasn’t at the dinner table when dinner started someone would come looking for me. It felt wrong to just leave the little thing there but I didn’t want to bury it, I wanted to keep it. I took a hammer and a couple nails from the small tool box that I keep in the fort and nailed the lifeless body to the wall by its ears. I stepped back and admired it for a moment longer, soaking in every emotion that was washing over me and loving this feeling. Just before I was about to run out the door and head home, I decided I wanted to take something with me so that I could remember this occasion. I took my pocket knife, still bloody from my day’s adventure, and cut off one of the rabbits still furry but bloody little feet. I giggle and thought to myself “My first lucky rabbits foot!”

I rushed home and snuck in through the back. I could still hear Jennifer in the kitchen making dinner so I knew I wasn’t too late. It smelled amazing, she was making a roast, Jennifer was an excellent cook. I rushed upstairs and down the hall to my bedroom. After slamming through the door into my huge bedroom I stripped down and threw the filthy clothes into the trashcan underneath my computer desk, tying the trash bag closed so that nobody would find it (Later I will burn it). My room was massive, I had a king size bed against the far wall, my own computer desk and a sitting area with a big screen TV and just about every game system you could imagine. I also had a private bathroom and shower. I took the little rabbits foot into the bathroom with me to wash it off. While the water to the shower heated up I carefully cleaned all of the blood off of the rabbits foot. I had some small rope out in the fort that I would tie around the end to make it into a necklace. I jumped in the shower to wash all of the blood off of my body, still riding the high from the day. I watched the light pink blood mix with the hot water and spiral around the drain and thought to myself “I cant believe I waited so long for that.” But the wait was worth every minute. I noticed that I was very excited and decided to touch myself. It was the first time I had reached climax in my short life and just as I was finishing, my heart pounding through my chest, I heard a pounding on the door. Jennifer called out “You’ve been in there forever kiddo! Dinner is ready.” I yelled back to her “Im sorry, I lost track of time. Ill be down in just a minute.” I hurried to finish up, get dressed and get down to the table.
We had a twenty two person dining room table that was never used for its intended purpose. When father bought the house he intended for mother to host large dinner parties and always have people over. That didn’t happen, not even once. Of course, dad wasn’t there and mom was taking dinner in her room as she did most nights. It was just me and Jennifer at the table. She served the roast and sat right next to me. She asked “How was your day buddy?” I replied with “Great!” She looked very interested and I thought that I might have painted myself into a corner and was going to have to come up with a good lie. If I kept this up, I would need to become a much better liar. She said “I didn’t know you loved my lessons that much!” with a giggle. Then asked “What did you do after you finished your school work today?” I looked at her for a second wracking my brain and said with a smile from ear to ear “Just played out in the woods, like I always do. I found a hurt rabbit and took care of him.”

********** It wouldn't let me post it all in one post, lesson learned.*********

Just so anyone reading this knows, if your interested on continuing to read what I have written I will be posting a chapter a week on this thread. Normally on Mondays.

So I figure I will go ahead and post the next chapter today before the weekend hits. I hope its going over well. It will probably take a few posts to get this chapter up so bare with me.

Chapter 1
 

Chapter 1

The following four years were a rush of fun and excitement as I learned from, and grew closer to Jennifer, and developed more as a young man. I went to my lessons with Jennifer every week day for 6 hours and learned a ton about America, Mathematics, English, Spanish, and every other topic most children were learning about in their schools. I spent the evenings playing in the woods and in my fort. I continued my hands on anatomy lessons whenever I could find a participant. I had started quite a collection. I lived like most people my age where living, just slightly more secluded but I didn’t mind, I liked spending time alone and coming up with fun ways to kill the time. I also really loved all of the time I got to spend with Jennifer.
My mother continued her course of spending most days in her room alone. I didn’t hear from her much. I would occasionally go and knock on her door and ask her to come out so that I could show her the work I did in class. She would always open the door and fain interest for a few minutes before deciding that it wasn’t worth any more of her time and giving me a quick hug before closing the door and disappearing. That short hug was amazing, I loved her so much, although now I am not sure why.
I know Jennifer saw how that killed me. We spent a lot of time together, not just in class but after as well. We would sit down and watch a movie in the media room together and laugh and have a ton of fun. We would go outside and I would walk her through the woods, showing her around and naming off some of the birds that I could recognize. We spent one amazing evening having a picnic down by the creek. I knew this great spot with a huge flat rock that jutted out slightly over the creek and I thought she would love it also. We had sandwiches and listened to the water trickle by as the sun slowly went down in the distance and it began to get dark out. We talked about a lot of things, where she grew up and about her parents. We talked about upcoming movies we were both excited about and I pretended like I might want to go to the theater to see them. When it was time to head back I was very careful not to lead her to the fort, of all of the things I felt like I could tell her, I knew she wouldn’t understand the small critters nailed up to the wall of my little shack. When I was with her, I never thought about any of that. I was starting to think I may be in love with her.
One day after class was over she came into my bedroom where I was playing a new game that I ordered from the internet for my playstation. She didn’t like playing games and for some reason wasn’t a fan of me playing them, she said it rotted my mind and killed my creativity. I felt plenty creative. She said “Hey kid! Want to get some pizza and have a movie night?” I replied distracted “Yeah that sounds like fun, can it be horror movies tonight?” She got easily scared and would always sit really close when we watched them. “I guess, it is your turn to pick. Ill order the pizza and come get you when it get here.” she said looking a little nervous about the horror movies. I just nodded my head, completely absorbed in the fantasy world of the game.
I was sitting there playing when I heard a little sound behind me. I thought nothing of it, probably one of those damned cats mom keeps. Then everything went dark, I yelled out and started swinging my arms. That’s when I heard the laughing coming from behind me. It was Jennifer, she snuck up and threw a pillowcase over my head. I was furious for a split second and then fell on the floor laughing uncontrollably. I yelled out “That was a good one! I cant believe you snuck up on me and I didn’t hear you!” Between gasps for air Jennifer said “It was easy, HAHAHA, when you play, HEHEHE, you are completely oblivious.” She came around to help me up off of the floor. After I was up and steady on my feet, she gave me a tight hug. Being ten, and she being 26, she was a little bit taller than me. My head rest comfortably between her breasts. I knew she did it on purpose. I could smell her sweet perfume and imagine what they would look like without all those clothes covering them. I was suddenly and for only a split second lost inside my head. I could feel the soft skin touching my cheek as I sucked one of her perfect little nipples into my mouth. Then I rushed back out of the daydream as fast as I had fallen into it. She pushed me back by my shoulders and said “The pizza is here. Lets go grub down and start a movie. Did you pick something good?” I said “Yeah I have a couple of movies I have been wanting to see.” With that we headed downstairs.
She went into the kitchen to put the pizza on plates and I headed into the media room to start the movie. I tried to pick the scariest, goriest movies I could find hoping that it would get her as close as possible to me. I put in House of a Thousand Corpses, a Rob Zombie movie that I hadn’t had a chance to watch yet. Jennifer came in with drinks and one of the pizza boxes “I thought we could rough it tonight.” she giggled as she sat down the box. I started the movie, and she sat down on the other side of the couch. She watched intently and I watched her out of the side of my vision. I could see in her body that she was tense and starting to get a bit scared. We ate the pizza and watched the movie. For some reason she liked to talk while we watched movies even though she knew that I hated it. She said “Are you excited about your birthday?” I was turning ten next month but wasn’t excited at all. Birthdays were never very exciting for me. I answered “SHHH, this movie so great.” Redirecting the best I could.

When the teens went into the Murder Ride at Captain Spaulding’s she moved the pizza box from between us to the table and scooted over to the cushion next to mine. The movie was really good so far. The teens lose a tire driving through the rain and Jennifer started biting her lip nervously. My heart was racing in anticipation, hoping she would scoot all the way over and lean against me. After we are introduced to the family and they have a little goofy performance the teens are given back their car and are allowed to leave. Then just as they are about to drive away Tiny, the deformed and ironically huge brother, steps in front of them and the family attacks. As soon as that happened Jennifer moved the rest of the way over and put her arm around me. My plan worked perfectly. As the movie went on I could feel her muscles tense up every time she anticipated something about to happen. I could feel the little jumps at the scary parts. She whispered “Why do you like these horrible movies?” I said “No reason, they are just fun.” But I knew exactly why I enjoyed them.
The end of the movie came with a flourish of activity after the last remaining teenager meets Dr. Satan and runs away. She thinks she escaped, but we all know better. By this time it was about eleven o’clock at night and Jennifer had fallen asleep some twenty minutes ago. She had her head on my shoulder and I was just sitting there as the credits ran enjoying it. Out of my peripheral I could see just the top of her cleavage from above her pajama top. I shook her a little and said “Wake up sleepy.” She mumbled a little and opened her eyes. She looked at me and said “Oh my God Michael, I am so sorry for falling asleep. Its been such a long day.” I said “No worries, go up to bed and get some rest, I will clean up down here.” It also gave me time to hide my excitement without her seeing it. She thanked me and headed up stairs, I turned everything off and picked up.
After everything was cleaned up I headed up to bed. I was walking down the long hall that led to my room. I had to walk by hers to get there. As I did I heard water running and realized it was the shower in the bathroom that attached her bedroom to the guest bedroom next to it. I had a brief image run across my mind of her completely naked and covered in bubbles from her soap. Her skin glistening with water. I decided I would sneak into the guest bedroom and see if she had left the door cracked. I slid inside and tiptoed past the small bed and dresser that occupied the small guest room. I noticed the door was cracked just a hair, “Thank God!” I gasped under my breath. I snuck very carefully up to the door and peaked through, I could still hear the water running and had a very limited view of the shower. I couldn’t see anything, I was pretty upset but then I thought she has to get out of the shower eventually. So I waited impatiently, feeling myself become more excited by the minute.
I heard the water turn off and got really excited and amazingly nervous. The excitement was enough for me to ignore the fear. The curtain slid aside and I saw her hand come out from the shower. She fumbled around for a moment and grabbed her towel. Then she emerged with the towel wrapped around her body. I was beginning to get a little discouraged, but I couldn’t stop watching. She took her contacts out and dried her hair with a hair dryer. I watched hoping she would make a mistake and drop the towel or decide to get dressed in the bathroom and I could finally see what I have been waiting to see for the last few years.
I watched in amazement as the towel finally fell from around her. She was glorious. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I watched her body moved. For a split second red flashed through my vision and I heard a voice in my head say “Imagine what her blood feels like.” But then it was gone. She wasn’t getting dressed either. I started to touch myself as I watched her move around her room, first to the mirror to look herself over. She squeezed some of the skin around her waist and made a face in the mirror. I’m not sure what she was looking at, but it didn’t matter. She then did something very unexpected. She climbed into bed and under the covers without getting dressed. I could hear her wiggling around and I could hear moans coming from her bed. I thought I knew what she was doing and that made me lose it. Her bed was just out of view. I was all at once tempted to just rush in and jump into bed with her. But after it settled in that the show was over for the night, I retreated to my bedroom and my computer to finish what I had started. By midnight I was exhausted and in bed, images of the day pouring back through my mind as I slipped away into sleep.
From then forward I did everything I could to sneak peeks. I think she knew that I was looking and that little minx kept trying to make it hard for me not to. She would bend over at my desk making it impossible not to look down her shirt. She would drop things just so that she had to pick them up. I couldn’t believe it, she was teasing me. I went out of my way to compliment her, and let her know how I felt without actually saying it. All of the teasing made me want more, I wanted to see what I had missed that night. I had a brilliant idea to drill a small hole in her wall near her bed but hidden behind a small plant that she kept in the corner. When she was away at the store one day, knowing that my mother was definitely not coming out the rest of the day, I went up to the storage closet next to Jennifer’s room. Using a small drill that I normally kept out at the fort for other purposes, I drilled a hole just big enough that when I would stick my eye all the way up against it, I could just see her bed. I went into her room to make sure that you couldn’t see it from anywhere in her room. Always unlocked, she was so trusting. It was perfect, you couldn’t tell it was there at all, even if you moved the plant you could barely see it and it could easily pass as a nail hole. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her clothes basket, and crumpled up inside I saw a small pair of thong underwear. I went over and struggled with myself, but eventually decided that I should take them. After that day, I used the hole at every opportunity, although I only got to see her playing one other time, most nights I was content to watch her sleep and imagine how one day we would be together. During the day I did everything I could to get closer to Jennifer. I tried to make her feel special and I tried to let her into my world little by little.
The following month snuck up on me and I had forgotten all about my birthday. I was so caught up in all of my extracurricular activities. Jennifer held me after my lessons to talk to me about my approaching birthday, I gladly stayed to talk to her. She said “So, this year I am going to do something special for your birthday.” I imagined touching her skin, that would be very special. I said “Ok, go on?” She replied “Im going to throw you a party, I will be inviting your old friends from school and… Your father agreed to come.” I got so excited. I didn’t really know him, but this could be the part of my life that he starts making an effort. I felt myself smile, I wasn’t excited about the kids from that god awful school but just the idea of father.
“Well, that settles it, go on I have planning to do.” I ran out of the room feeling very good about things and went straight to my room to play games. I hadn’t seen father sense he removed me from school and set up Jennifer as my teacher. He was a mystery to me, I knew he was in the oil business but I didn’t even really know what he did. I had these big dreams of him in other countries telling people what to do and making huge decisions. I settled into my couch to play and dwell on the possibilities.

The week slid by and the day came. I got up and got cleaned up in the shower, put on my best clothes and some nice cologne and prepped myself. It was going to be a long day and I was going to have to be social which wasn’t really my strong suit, but father was going to be here and maybe some people I knew from school. I went downstairs and found Jennifer sitting in the kitchen with breakfast waiting for me. “What time are we doing this thing?” I asked. She said “Well the party starts at noon.”
I tossed my food down my throat as quick as I could and went to walk through the house. The media room was all set up for a party. Streamers and a small disco ball. It looked great, I loved that girl, she really knew how to take care of me. I sat down and looked at the clock, 10 am, two hours. I hate waiting, every minute feels like ten. My mind wondered and I pictured a room full of people I used to know dancing and smiling. I pictured Jennifer bringing in snacks and then my father walking through the door with a huge present and a big smile on his face. This was going to be the best day. I sat and waited.
The hours passed as I sat there and imagined the perfect party, I hadn’t even realized that it was one in the afternoon and there was still nobody there. I glanced toward the clock and saw the time, I remember thinking to myself “Well people are always a little late.” I sat there on the couch, party decorations surrounding me, music on quietly in the background, and day dreamed about my perfect party.
Jennifer came into the room with a piece of birthday cake. I looked up at her and I know she saw the hurt in my eyes because she sat down next to me and hugged me hard. She said “Its ok Michael, I love you and your mother will be out soon, your father should be here soon too I think. Im sorry none of your friends came.” I smiled and held back my tears. She handed me the piece of cake and watched on as I ate it. I heard her take a deep breath and say “I have to go in the kitchen, I have things in the oven. You can go upstairs and I will call you down when your father gets here.” “Ill just stay here and wait.” I looked down at my shoes and she got up and left. I really didn’t feel like talking. There was a pain in my chest that made me feel a lot of things at once and I hated it.
I heard the doorbell ring through the house. I instantly thought to myself “That’s him! Father is here!” not even considering that it’s his house and he probably wouldn’t ring the doorbell. I sat there patiently waiting for him to walk into the room and make everything better. I sat and I sat, why is it taking so long? Just then Jennifer walked in holding a long box wrapped neatly and a card. She looked at me and said “I’m sorry Michael, I tried…” She handed me the card and sat the box down next to me on the couch. I read the front of it, it just said, From Dad. I felt the damn break and the tears stream down my cheeks. I watched the tears drip off onto the envelope and stain the paper. I opened it and took out a very generic looking letter. On the front it read “Happy Birthday” with a picture of a dog blowing out candles on a birthday cake. Inside typed in a nice font it said “I wish you the best on your birthday.” And then at the bottom was fathers name, but it was signed in printed ink. I flipped over the card and it said it was from Amazon on the back. He didn’t even buy it and mail it, he just purchased it and whatever that box is on Amazon and had it shipped here.
As the tears poured down my face anger and hatred flowed through my veins, I could feel myself locking this away. This was the kind of thing I got from him every year, but this year was supposed to be different. He told Jennifer he would be here. This year was when he was supposed to come back and tell me he loved me and wrap his arms around me. I balled uncontrollably, I didn’t even notice Jennifer was still standing there. She had tears in her eyes but was doing a good job of holding it together. I sat the card down and took a deep breath, I said “Jennifer, I think I am done for the day, tell mother that I went to bed early if she comes out. Oh and I am done with these attempts at parties. I think I have outgrown them.” “What about your dinner?” She replied, I wasn’t hungry at all, but I didn’t want to hurt Jennifer’s feelings. “Can you please bring it up to my room?” I said in a quiet voice. She said “Of course, go ahead.” I got up and went upstairs, feeling incredibly defeated.
I laid down on my bed and cried harder than I have ever cried in my life. I heard a voice tell me, “It doesn’t matter, you don’t need to worry about him.” I stopped crying and listened, I think I heard a voice in my head but it didn’t sound like me. Then I heard it again, and clearer “Don’t worry about that ass, he will get what’s coming to him. You just need to concentrate on Jennifer and your mom.” I felt the tears dry up and suddenly a calm came over me. My mind cleared and I realized the voice, myself, whatever it was was completely correct. I didn’t know him, I didn’t know anything about him. Why do I care if he shows up? His only use is to pay the bills and keep me in this beautiful house.
There was a knock at the door, I ignored it for a second waiting for Jennifer to walk away. After I heard her footsteps walk away from the door, I opened it and saw my dinner on a tray and the present that he had sent. I picked up the tray and sat it on the computer desk. Then grabbed the present. Closing the door behind me I ran my fingers over the wrapping paper. My pinky caught the edge of one of the ridges and I felt a sharp pain shoot up my finger. “Damn” I shouted. Paper cut. I grabbed the edge of the paper and ripped it open trying to ignore the huge amount of pain from the tiny cut. “Well, at least the guy got a good present.” I looked on thinking of the potential as I revealed a long Daisy Pellet Gun from inside of the wrapping paper. I could use this I think.
Feeling slightly more cheerful I unboxed the gun and played with it a bit, it was easy enough to use and it came with a box of two hundred pellets that should last me a little while. I was feeling anxious to use it, but it was evening and getting dark outside. I decided to put it away and save it for another day, maybe this weekend. I grabbed the tray of food and polished off my dinner. After the great meal I sat the tray outside of the door and headed for bed.

Alright, time for the next chapter. It will be posted below.

Chapter 2

Then came a huge blow. It sent shock waves through my house that caused unbelievable damage and set off a chain of events that would eventually bring us to where we are today. I was outside just in front of the house practicing my aim with the pellet gun that I had received from father for my birthday and he had shipped to me. I set up cans and bottles along the small white fence that bordered the front yard. I had never shot before so it was taking some getting used to. After a couple of boxes of pellets I was really starting to get good at it though. I was picking the cans off of the fence without hesitation, I think I am a natural. Just then a crow fluttered down out of a tree and landed on the fence. I instantly moved my aim from the soda bottle that I was currently concentrating on and zeroed in on the bird. It looked directly at me and cawed just as I lightly squeezed the trigger. I learned a little about pellets that day. I wasn’t sure that I had hit the bird, at first it didn’t move at all. Then the bird’s wings shot out and it started into the air. I thought shocked “I missed, it’s going to fly away.” It beat its wings hard and flew about three feet into the air before its wings gave in and it fell back to the ground. I could see it flipping around trying to get back to its feet. The pellet was true, it struck right in the middle of its chest where I was aiming. I felt incredibly proud as I strolled over to the little guy. It wasn’t making any noise but it was moving around a lot and I was worried that Jennifer would come out and see it. A few feet away there was a big tree that I used to climb when I was younger. Under it was a lot of landscaping rocks. I went and got one of the biggest ones that I could find. I thought about slamming it down onto the bird and hopefully killing it and effectively hiding it at the same time. But I really wanted to watch it die. I sat the rock on top of the bird slowly and gently making sure that I didn’t cover its head. It squirmed and wiggled for a little while, it was incredibly resilient but it finally gave in to the weight and I just sat and watched as its life dwindled out.
Feeling really good and really enjoying my Saturday I strolled back into the house and plopped down at the bar in the kitchen. Yet another room that was set up for entertaining but had basically become just another room for me to watch Jennifer gracefully move around. She was truly at home in the kitchen. She loved to cook and made some of the most incredible meals. Today when I came in from outside she was standing on the other side of the bar holding her phone to her ear and listening to something very intently. I could see a terrible look of worry on her face and tears in her eyes. I suddenly became very nervous. Something was wrong. She asked “Are you sure?” Then “I see, ok I will pass the word along.” She hung up the phone and looked at me. She was speechless for a few minutes and then walked around the counter and hugged me tight. I was starting to get really worried and I pushed her back and asked “What happened?” In as adult and strong of a voice as I had at the time. She said “I am so sorry Michael, but your father is dead.”
I heard the words, and I forced myself to tear up and start to cry. But I felt nothing, I didn’t care. I cried and held onto Jennifer, most importantly she held onto me. I put on the appropriate show, the whole time just wanting to get something to eat. I didn’t really know my father, he hadn’t been home in months and even then he came in late at night and by morning was gone again. I asked Jennifer “How did it happen?” She told me “All they told me was there was a fire at one of the sites and he didn’t get out on time.” I didn’t want to tell mom or be anywhere around when Jennifer told her. Even though his death didn’t affect me, it was going to crush mom and I couldn’t handle that. I hated to see her upset. I asked quietly “Can you tell mother? I need some time alone and I don’t think I can handle watching her cry.” She said “Of course, anything you need.” I smiled at her and headed up to my room, stopping to grab a apple off of the counter, I was starving.
I walked into my room and stood there in the silence thinking about what had just happened. I took a bite out of my apple and decided to see if I could find anything about the fire online. I sat down at my computer desk and pulled up Google. I typed into the search bar my father’s name, “Steven Joseph Scarborough” The first few results were just his Facebook profile and his LinkedIn profile. I clicked on the Facebook profile and waited for the page to load. There he was, a big smile on his face and for a split second I thought to myself that I wished I had known him. I started clicking through the posts and pictures and began to get angry. I saw pictures of a smiling man in a Hawaiian shirt standing on a beach. I saw pictures of a smiling man on the edge of a cliff that it looked like he had just climbed. That mother fucker was out living his life and loving it without us. He was happy not being here with us. I hated him. I could feel my skin turning red and my vision began to haze over but with a couple of deep breaths I brought myself back down. I tucked away the pain and clicked back and away from his Facebook and his happy life without us and found a news article dated for the day before. It read “HUGE FIRE AT OIL REFINERY 12 DEAD” I clicked on the headline and read through the article. There was my father’s name, among the list of the deceased. It was surreal to read more about my father in that article than I had ever known about him in person. And with that, I checked out. I was done, I didn’t want to know any more about him or the life that he led.
I turned off my computer and threw the apple core into the trash can. It was approaching dinner time and I wasn’t sure how that was going to play out tonight. I got up and went into my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and practiced a few sad puppy dog faces. I found one that said “I’m very sad and depressed and I am not sure what to do with myself.” It was perfect. I headed downstairs. It was very quiet in the house and I wasn’t sure what to expect as I walked into the dining room. I came around the corner and was a little shocked to see my mother sitting at the head of the table. She had a tissue in one hand. Jennifer was sitting to her left and my plate was set to her right. I got control of myself and went over to the table. I said “Hi” to my mother and kissed her gently on the cheek. She flashed a quick unimpressive smile at me. I sat down, pulled my chair in, and waited quietly for something to happen. Mother said “What are you waiting for you two, eat up.” And with that I started eating. There were no words exchanged during dinner, mostly because none of us knew what to say. When we were finished Jennifer cleaned up the dishes and I sat with Mother. She looked at me and said “He really loved you.” I mumbled “Yeah, I bet.” She looked offended but at the same time understanding. She spent the next 20 minutes crying softly and trying to explain his absence to me. I agreed and made my pre-selected sad face just to make her feel better. Then she kissed me on the forehead and told me she loved me. She got up and I watched her retreat to her room in tears. It broke my heart to watch her cry.
Jennifer brought desert out for the three of us, but after noticing that Mother had already left, me and her ate ours and split Mothers. She tried to console me some more and I put my sad face back on hoping for a hug and maybe even a kiss. We talked about what I remembered of my Father, about how even if he wasn’t home for Christmas or my birthday, there were always presents to be had. About how things were before he bought this property and how I think there was a time when we used to play together. It was interesting to me, as I looked back and realized that no matter how much he had done for me I never felt like he loved me. I never felt like he even cared that I existed. And with all of that said, I still don’t miss him.

Chapter 3

Mother left making the arrangements for the memorial up to Jennifer. She told me that this didn’t feel right at all. I completely understood, other than the name on her paycheck she didn’t have any idea who my father was. I had no interest in helping. But somehow Jennifer pulled off an amazingly beautiful memorial and service. She spent all of three full days making phone calls and during that time I didn’t have any lessons. I considered it my bereavement break. She arranged a beautiful church for the memorial and managed to contact everyone on his friends’ lists as well as a lot of the clients that he cherished so much. I watched as she made phone call after phone call, the church, the pastor, flowers, a tombstone for the family plot even though there was nothing left to bury. She covered all of the bases and I sat with her to help with the time between phone calls. I tried to make her smile, I joked around and goofed off. It didn’t seem to help much and part of the way through day 2 she waved me away. I was a bit shocked, and kind of angry. I was trying to help her through this hard time, if she didn’t want me around she could go fuck herself. I grabbed my pellet gun from my room and my camo jacket. I was angry and wanted to kill something. I headed out to the woods and toward my fort.
I walked quietly through the woods hoping I would stumble across something that wasn’t expecting me. Thoughts of my Father kept shooting through my mind. I was lost in my head thinking about him and Jennifer and I had lost track of time. I looked ahead of myself and could see my fort sitting out in the small clearing. I must have been walking for half an hour but I couldn’t remember most of it. I thought for a quick second that I had noticed gaps like that before. Areas of time that it seemed just passed without me noticing them, but mid thought I got a really uneasy feeling. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked out across the clearing at my small fort, and I saw movement. I instantly got worried, somebody had found my hiding place. And somebody was trespassing. I crouched low and watched. Then in a blur a little body ran out of the fort, and then another. Coyotes! They must have smelled the blood. I was irate, I leveled my pellet gun and popped off a shot. I hit one of them in the hip and it yipped and ran off. The others followed right behind. I fought all of my urges to run to my fort and look at what kind of damage they caused, and I waited to make sure they were definitely gone.
I waited for fifteen minutes telling myself that I must have caught them before they got to my collection. Telling myself that I didn’t see one of them carry something off. Everything else had moved to the back of my mind and all I could think about was my friends. I started creeping slowly up on my fort, listening closely for any movement. After I was sure they were gone I broke into a sprint and ran all the way to the door. I sped around the corner and was shocked to see body parts and blood everywhere. They destroyed everything. They ate most of the flesh, the beautiful muscle, and the little heads. I was so angry, all I wanted was revenge. I left the mess and ran back to the house not stopping until I was bent over in front of the back door breathing so heavy I thought I might pass out. I composed myself enough to go inside and find Jennifer. She was sitting on the couch watching TV when I came in. I said “I think I’m going to camp out tonight.” She said “I’m not sure about that Michael, it’s chilly and I keep hearing coyotes out there at night.” “I’ll be safe, I just need to be out of the house and alone for a while. I promise I can take care of myself.” I told her. She agreed and I told her “Thank you.” And headed out. I stopped at the tool shed and grabbed a few things that I needed.
I decided I would set a trap for the coyotes, I wanted them to suffer. I went to the fort anticipating working most of the night. I dug a deep pit in the middle of my fort, using a small wheel barrow that I got from the tool shed to move the dirt out back. I kept digging until my hands hurt. I was filthy and sweating everywhere but when I finished I had a whole easily 6 feet deep and narrow, only maybe 3 feet across. It took me a few tries to pull myself up out of it. But after I got out I moved the rest of the dirt around back, it was a huge pile. I was pretty proud of myself. I went back in and laid a large tarp across the hole, it nearly covered the entire floor of the fort. I covered it in a thin layer of dirt and took what was left of my collection and laid it all around the tarp. Hopefully that will catch one of the little shits that did this. As I was spreading the last of the dirt around and trying to make it as unnoticeable as possible I realized that it had gotten light outside. I had literally worked all the way through the night. Today was my father’s memorial service and I needed to get ready. I took one last look at my work, assured myself that it was perfect, and headed back to the house.
When I got back to the house, I put all of the tools back in the shed so that the landscaper wouldn’t miss them when he came later in the week. I went inside and up the back stairs to my bedroom. I thought briefly about stopping in the storage closet but decided that it was not the right time. My bedroom was full of sunshine seeping in through the huge windows. Although a somewhat traumatic couple of days, right now, I feel pretty good. I was exhausted and filthy, but more clear headed than I had been sense the last time I peeled the skin off of a field mouse. I had hope, hope that by tomorrow this memorial would be behind me and I would have a new toy to play with. I went in to take a shower and freshen up, I had to look sharp for the service.

Chapter 4
After my shower I splashed on some cologne and put on the suit that Jennifer had laid out for me. She was great at picking just the right outfit. I was in an all-black sport coat and black pants with a dark blue button down and a white tie. I slipped my rabbits foot over my neck and tucked it inside of the shirt. It looked great all put together. I had almost forgotten how good I looked when I cleaned up and put on clothes meant to be seen in public. Just then it hit me, there are going to be a lot of people at this thing. I haven’t been in a crowd in years, hell I wouldn’t even go to the grocery store. My heart started racing, I started sweating, and the room started spinning and then, nothing.
As my eyes opened I could see Jennifer’s face and a lot of light. I tried to sit up, but my head throbbed. I had passed out. Jennifer was helping me to my bed. She said “Michael, thank god you’re ok. I was so worried.” She cupped my face with her hand and sighed. I started to tell her that I loved her but caught myself before the words came out. Through all of the craziness she has been the one constant in my life for the last few years. There was a lot I wanted to say to her, but instead I just grumbled “I’m ok, what happened?” She said “I was in my room getting ready when I heard a loud bang from in here. I got here as fast as I could.” I thanked her and hugged her. She helped me to my feet. I was still a bit unsteady, but I was starting to feel better.
After brushing off my suit and making sure I looked my best, we headed downstairs. We walked down the hall, Jennifer slightly ahead of me and I made note of how incredible she looked in her brilliant dark green dress. After admiring the way her body moved as we walked down the hall I spoke up. “Jennifer…” She stopped and turned around. I asked “Why aren’t you wearing black? I mean it’s a funeral and I thought that was what you were supposed to do.” She smiled a little and replied “I know you’re supposed to, but I prefer to treat funerals like a celebration of a person’s life. I know I didn’t know your father, but from what I have heard he was a good man.” I shifted my eyes down and shook my head a little, “Let’s get downstairs, I’m sure mother is waiting.” During the rest of the walk down I thought about how incredibly upbeat she is and how much I wished I could look at the world through her eyes. I quick image flashed in front of my eyes, it was me in a dark room. I was sitting cross-legged in the center of the one light shining down from the ceiling and I was rolling a set of eyes around in my hand like baoding balls. I closed my eyes and shook my head back and forth and when I opened them I was standing outside in front of the car that mother had ordered. The driver was looking at me a little strange and holding the door open. My mother and Jennifer were already inside. I looked at the driver and could feel the anger radiating out of me at him. I think he felt it too because he changed his stance real quick. Straightened up, smiled and didn’t look into my eyes the rest of the day. I walked by him and stepped into the car. I could see my mother looking out the window on her side and could barely hear Jennifer trying to talk to her to no avail. The door slammed shut, the driver went around to his side of the car and got in. I watched as his face disappeared behind the rising divider between us and him. I felt like he was relieved.
The car drove down our long driveway silently. When we approached the great iron gates that kept the outside world away the car slowed slightly. The gates swung open automatically and closed behind us after we drove through. The car ride was a little weird. I was thinking deeply the entire time about all of the people I was getting ready to encounter and about how I was going to have to fake sadness all day. I would have to talk to these people who knew my father better than I ever had. I watched through the window as the trees of our forest slid by. I kept trying to see things in the branches, a face here, a cute little rabbit there. I watched as we drove out of the forest and I could see as we slowly approached Baltimore. The country melted away to the suburbs as the highway cruised by above them. Then the suburbs gave way to the outer city and the ghettos. I watched as people toiled away on the streets, as the drug addicts looked for their next fix and the prostitutes stood on the corners. Someday I felt like I could do some fantastic work in these streets. I thought about how most of these people wouldn’t be missed if they vanished, and the gears started turning. I think during this Jennifer tried to talk to mother some more and I believe she tried to talk to me as well, but I didn’t hear her or acknowledge her. I figured she would just brush it off as grief.
The rest of the way to the memorial was filled with me imagining all of the things that I could do out in the city. All of the different bodies that were moving around those streets and what they looked like from the inside. With a big deep breath and my eyes closed I could smell the blood, I could feel the slickness as it poured over my skin. Someday…
I felt the car come to a stop and the driver get out. I opened my eyes to the most beautiful old church, with huge stained glass windows and a giant bell tower. In my mind Quasimodo swung from tower to tower, watching the cars pull up and waiting for the appropriate time to strike the bells. I looked through the car window at the front of the church and all of the people walking around outside. There must have been a hundred just on the steps. They couldn’t all be here for the memorial could they? I looked at Jennifer and she said jokingly “Wow! There you are, I was starting to worry you slipped into a coma.” I smiled sarcastically at her and asked “Are all of these people here for dad?” “About four hundred if they all show up.” She said. I was shocked that my father knew so many people. I was more shocked that so many liked him enough to show up.
The driver popped the door open and stepped around behind it in order to give me room to get out. After I stepped out I turned around and offered my hand to Jennifer to help her out. Then my mother. As she came out she kissed me on the cheek and quietly thanked me. I could feel myself light up, I loved the affection. The whole time this was happening the driver kept his eyes straight ahead and didn’t look my way once. I love this sense of power.

We stepped away and he closed the door, I walked up to him and handed him a hundred dollar bill. His jaw dropped open. I said “I like you, I don’t come to the city much, but I may need a discreet driver in the future. Would you be a discreet driver?” He looked at me shocked, you could tell he didn’t expect to hear such a thing from a young boy of ten. I said “Quick now! I have somewhere to be.” He shook off the look of shock, glanced at the hundred dollar bill in his hand and smiled, “I can be the most discreet person you have ever met. Questions aren’t part of my job.” I gave him a nod of agreement “Meet us back out here for the ride home at exactly 8 p.m. Not a minute later, and we may have business in the future.” With that he headed back around to the driver side.
During my exchange with the driver, mother had been trying to make her way through the crowd of people and their apologies. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” “Your husband was such a good man.” “I can’t believe he is gone.” All of the cliché bullshit that you hear at a funeral. I tried to remain as invisible as possible so that I didn’t have to fake my way through a conversation that I had no interest in being in. We slowly made our way up the stairs, mother in front, Jennifer and I side by side. I had a short daydream about this being our wedding and us getting ready to go inside. She looked amazing in her wedding dress and all of these people were piled around us taking pictures. Then I heard someone yell out my name. It pulled me out of my daydream in an instant and I was looking into the eyes of an older man of around 60. I took a deep breath and knew that I looked confused. The man said “Well of course you don’t recognize me. Im your uncle William. Your father’s brother.” I had no idea who this guy was, and I didn’t like how close he was to my face. His breath smelled like whisky and cigars. I put on a fake smile and hugged him. I could see Jennifer over his shoulder and gave her a little shrugging motion that I knew she would catch. She giggled silently. “It’s good to see you Uncle Will. I apologize but I am not sure if we have ever actually met.” He laughed so hard I thought he was going to pee on himself. Finally after his fit had subsided he said “Well you’re what, ten?” I said “Yes Sir.” I knew my manners. “I guess that means it’s been around eight years sense I saw you last, I don’t expect you to remember me.” Will said. I could see a real quick haze pass over his eyes, he swayed and started to stumble. My mother, who had been watching this exchange from just on the other side of him, reached out with incredible speed and steadied him. She leaned into him and whispered something I couldn’t hear. He smiled, said to her “You always were smart, I don’t know why me and you never…” She slapped him quick and his eyes shot open. He apologized and stumbled off to bother someone else.
We finally made it to the top of the stairs and the entrance to the church. I had been holding Jennifer’s hand and trying to make it seem like we were in deep conversation so that nobody would bother us. We were actually talking about who was going to win tonight’s hockey game, the Bruins or the Stars. We watched every Bruins game together. She glanced at her watch and said “Well we still have about thirty minutes until the memorial starts. Im going to take your mom in and get ready, why don’t you try to avoid the crowd and see if you can entertain yourself?” I agreed and watched as they disappeared behind the giant wooden doors of the church. I imagined it was a huge mouth with razor sharp teeth and a huge slimy tongue, swallowing them whole. That was worth a little laugh.
After they were inside and I was standing alone, but not alone on the front steps of this amazing building trying to figure out what to do. I started thinking about the people out there on the streets again. I could feel my feet start to move me down the stairs but it didn’t feel like I was in control. It felt like the city was calling to me. It was teeming with life and I could cure it of that. There was so much blood out there, coursing through the streets. I was just about to walk out into the street when someone I did recognize grabbed me by the shoulder spinning me around. It was a young boy, about my age. I tried to remember his name, “Timothy!” I shouted. He said “You damned near walked out into that street and got flattened.” That’s when I realized that I wasn’t still at the top of the steps. Timothy was one of my cousins, about the same age as me. I couldn’t remember how we are related, but I think it was on mother’s side. He started in with the “I’m so sorry.” BS. I stopped him and said “Look, I really didn’t know him all that well, and I am sad, but I’m ok.” Lying about being sad was easier than trying to explain why I hated the man. Timothy said “Boy, I’m sorry you didn’t know him that well. You wanna do somethin?” I sighed deeply and said “Thank God, I thought you were going to stay all sappy. Yes please, let’s find something to do.”
We started walking around the side of the massive stone building, chatting about what we have been up to and about the last time we had seen each other. Other than with Jennifer, this was the first time I had a decent conversation in years. It was kind of nice to be able to connect with a boy my age. I honestly thought I would never get the chance again. We followed the side of the building until it made a turn down an alley along the back of the church. I started down it, and Tim stopped. He said “I don’t know if my mom would be ok with me going down there.” I laughed a little and started in on him, “What are you, Chicken?” I started waving my arms and dancing around like a chicken. Tim huffed and started down the alley with me. He mumbled to me as we walked “I aint a chicken, you better watch yourself next time. Nobody calls me a chicken.”
We wondered down the alley. It wasn’t anything to special but to me it was a whole new world. I hadn’t been to the city in years and even then I was to young to remember any of it. We strolled by a couple of big dumpsters and a hobo sleeping in a box. He smelled like pee, and all I can think is “I bet he would thank me for running a blade across his neck.” We came to a little set of steps in the back of the church that led down into the ground with a guard rail around them. They led down to a little door that must go into the basement and the boiler room. I didn’t think a lot of it until I noticed a dog laying at the bottom of the steps. It looked really thin and barely alive. I pointed it out to Tim, the little guys tail was wagging and it tried to stand up but he was too weak and couldn’t. I asked Tim if he wanted to go down and see it. He looked a little nervous so I started to flap my arms and he said “Ok, fine, let’s go down and pet him.” In one quick movement I jumped over the little guard rail and started down the steps. Tim was a little slower and climbed through the guard rail behind me.
At the bottom of the steps the dog was rolled over on its back and it was wagging its little tail just as quick as it could. There wasn’t much down there, the dog, a

drain, a small metal pipe probably for propping the door open. We sat down there for a minute and petted him. Tim said “We should bring him back some food after the service.” I agreed but thought to myself “I don’t know if he will make it that long.” Tim looked down at his watch and let out a little yelp, “The service starts in 3 minutes, we better get back. My mom will be so mad if I walk into that church in the middle of prayer.” Tim ran off yelling back to me “You coming?” I said “Yeah, go on, I’ll be there in a minute.” After Tim climbed back through the rail and I could hear his running feet fade out, I reached back down and petted the little dog again. I said “Don’t worry, just relax.” My hand wrapped around the little section of pipe and I raised it above my head. Just as I was about the slam it into the dogs head, I realized that I can’t get these clothes bloody. I slowly lowered the pipe back down to my side. I had another idea. I placed the end of the pipe inside of the little dog’s ear. With one swift motion I drove it downward and into the mutts head. I could feel the serenity wash over me as I felt the bones in its skull crack under the pressure. He let out a tiny little yipe and was gone. I shivered from head to toe with excitement. My whole body felt alive. I swear I could smell its life leaving its buddy. I pulled the pipe back out, and examined the end of it. It had little pieces of broken bone and what I guessed was brain stuck to it. I put my nose up to it and sniffed. Ohhhh the blood… It smelled so good and so fresh. I ran my fingers over the end of the pipe and then sat it back in the corner. In somewhat of a state of euphoria I climbed the stairs and wondered back down the alley. The hobo still slept in his box and the city went on all around me, but I didn’t notice any of it. I snuck into the service slowly and quietly and sat in the very last pew. There were so many people here but I didn’t hear a single one of them speak, I didn’t even notice when my mother got up to talk. I think there may have even been a short video. I just kept sitting there, circling my thumb and forefinger and feeling the slick, life giving substance on my skin. At my fathers memorial, I don’t think I thought about him once.
A hour or two later I vaguely recall noticing everyone starting to stand up and shake hands. It clicked to me that the memorial was over and we could finally go home. By this time the blood on my fingers had dried and then flaked off and I was just riding the high from the day. I stepped out of the pew and started heading out of the building. I was stopped by a couple of people on the way but I just walked by them and really didn’t notice them. Looking off of the top of the steps, waiting for Jennifer and mother to come out of the church, I saw our car pull up. I took a quick look at my watch and noted that it was 7:57. Very prompt, that’s perfect. I will collect his card when we get back to the house. Just then Jennifer and mother stepped through the door. The look on Jennifers face screamed “I am completely over this.” I could understand.
We headed down to the car together but in complete silence. The people who came to pay their respects to father had mostly scrambled off as soon as the service was over. The couple of people that that remained at the church looked like they may be networking. That made me slightly sick and I thought that someday maybe I would be able to free some of those people from their inhabitions as well. The driver was standing at the car with the door wide open. I helped mother and Jennifer into the car and through a little salute to the driver noting his good work. He closed the door and we were off.
The city was much prettier at night all lit up. Unfortunately I couldn’t enjoy it, all I could think about was the cracking sound that skull made. I closed my eyes hoping Jennifer would think that I was sleeping. Instead I was thinking about how funny it would have been if Tim had tried to sneak some food back there for the little guy and found him in a bloody heap on the ground. I chuckled out loud and looked over toward Jennifer. She said “Whats so funny?” I thought quick and told her “Oh just a joke Tim told me before we went into the church, Ill have to tell you some time.” I rested my head back against the glass and this time I did drift off into sleep.
The next time I opened my eyes we were pulling up in front of our house. I slept the whole drive. I rubbed my eyes and tried to shake off some of the sleapiness. The door swung open and I stepped out. This time I didn’t help Jennifer or mother out of the car, I was exhausted and didn’t even think about it. I watched as mother headed inside arm in arm with Jennifer. No doubt she would be heading to her room, and I really wasn’t sure when the next time I would see her was going to be. I walked back over to the driver and simply said “You did an excellent job tonight. Expect a phone call from me, it may be this week, it may be next year. No matter when, be prepared to come when you are needed.” He thanked me and went on his way.
Just as I had thought, mother went to her room and Jennifer was already in hers getting ready for bed. I headed straight to my room, to tired to even try to watch Jennifer strip down. I opened my door and pulled off the ridiculous outfit. I dug pajamas out of my walk in closet and threw them on. I couldn’t think of anything but getting to bed. I laid down and started to doze off. The last few thoughts that went through my mind before wonderful sleep were these. I remember hearing that while you sleep your brain chooses which memories are most important and it stores them, I love that of everything that happened today I know my brain will retain the intense pleasure of what happened behind that church. I also remembered the trap I had set earlier that morning and I got incredibly excited. There is a chance that I will have a new toy to play with tomorrow. And lastly, an image of Tim coming around the corner of the guard rail with an arm full of food, all smiles, and seeing what I had done to the dog. The food falling out of his arms as his heart pounded and forced all of that warm blood through his veins. He would turn and run, never considering that I could have done it. I laughed as I faded away into sleep. Tomorrow was going to be fun.

Chapter 5
I woke up so excited I ran right passed Jennifer as she tried to offer me breakfast. Still pulling on my jacket a blur of thoughts about what I was going to do rushed through my mind. The day before at my father’s memorial, behind the church while waiting for the service to start I had a little bit of fun with a old dog, but that was nothing compared to what I had planned for that damn coyote. As I ran through the woods, not really paying attention to where I was going, I knew the way like it was programmed into me, I was so distracted by my intentions that I hadn’t noticed the sound of breaking twigs behind me. I saw the clearing coming up ahead of me and I slowed down a bit to steady myself and clear my mind. I wanted to be completely present when I got there. After I stopped and took a couple of deep breaths I heard, movement, behind me. I froze, my first thought that somehow the coyotes had found my trap and were lying in wait all night to ambush me. I could hear the steps approaching from behind and they were close. Almost terrified to turn around I knew I had to. I turned just my upper half at first to try to see what was behind me without making any noise. As I started to turn a bunch of leaves hit me in the face.
I screeched and started swinging my arms violently hoping that whatever was charging me could be warded off by my crazy flailing. As the leaves fell away I heard “Wow, I really got you with that one, are you ok?” It was Jennifer. Instantly a million thoughts hit me, how did I let her follow me, is she going to see the fort, will she ask to check it out, what will I tell her? She patted me on the shoulder and said “Did I scare the words out of your mouth? God I’m good.” I shook loose of her hand a shook my head hard in an attempt to bring myself back. I said “I knew you were back the whole time!” “Yeah right, I totally got you.” She replied. I could feel the flush coming over my face. I was so embarrassed. She said “You went out the door so quick and you looked so happy, I just had to see what was going on. I was right behind you the whole time but it was like you were in a trance.”
“Oh yeah, well I was, ummm….” I tried to respond to her unable to come up with a good answer. “Oh my god! Is that a cabin?” She exclaimed as she pushed pass me and entered the clearing. It took me a second to realize what was about to happen. When it finally dawned on me that she was going to discover what a strange little boy I was and she would probably leave forever. I panicked running after her. Just before she got to the little building I cut in front of her. “Stop!” I yelled. She said “Whats wrong? Am I not supposed to see it? Did you build it? Are you keeping dirty magazines or something in there, if so I have seen it all before, come on let me see.” I tried to come up with a reasonable excuse for her not to go inside, but before I could she was already standing in the doorway wide eyed.
I walked up behind her slowly, she turned around and looked at me. She said “It’s so cute, you made it?” I wasn’t sure what to say and walked by her inside. Surveying the situation I realized that the tarp was bundled up in the bottom of the hole and all of the little pieces of my critters were gone. The little bastard coyotes came back and ate the rest of the parts. One must have fallen into the trap but been able to climb out, I was going to have to figure that out. I turned and said “Yes, I built it from logs and tree limbs I found in the forest. This is where I come to get away from everything. I can play and not feel like that huge house is going to swallow me.” She was still looking around and said “It’s awesome, why haven’t you ever told me about it? I thought we talked about everything.” I said “I needed somewhere nobody would find me.” I noticed a squirrel head, a little rotted and starting to decompose, sticking out from under the table that I had been using to do most of my cutting. I told her “Look, I would really appreciate it if you never told anyone about this, and if you never came back out here. I need this place to be special and just mine.” She said “Well, its not as fun as I was hoping anyway, I was really looking forward to the dirty magazines.” She winked at me. I had walked over to the table and used the back of my foot to kick the head back under it further. She took a deep breath, sighed and said “Ok, I promise I wont come back out here, come one lets go have breakfast.” I followed her out of my fort and we walked back to the house talking about the memorial service and effectively changing the subject.
We walked back into the house laughing and bumping into eachother. The house was silent, like usual. A small part of me still expect to come in the door and find mother cleaning or sitting in her library reading. But she was in her room, as she always was. It didn’t affect me anymore, I just noted it everytime. Jennifer and I went into the kitchen. She asked “What do you want for breakfast?” I said “Hmmm, Prime Rib!” jokingly. She laughed and said “Eggs and bacon it is.” We continued to chat while she cooked. I was starting to think incredibly dirty thoughts about her. I pictured her dancing around the kitchen cooking breakfast completely nude. I snapped out of it as she sat the plate down in front of me, “Eat up.” She said. I waited for her to sit down next to me at the bar and we had breakfast together. Things felt pretty normal again, at least for now.

We spoke about father and the future over breakfast. She said “So things will be a little different now I guess.” I looked at her and said “I don’t think so, I mean I cant remember the last time he spent any real time here anyway.” She seemed a little taken aback and said “Well I guess your right but I think we need to really talk about things, you need to deal with this and not just move past it.” I said “Fine, lets talk about it then.” She could tell I wasn’t really interested and said “I tell you what, lets do your lessons for the day and we can talk about things tonight over dinner, Ill make something special for us and we can sit at the table and hash it out.” as she picked up my plate and hers, and took them to the sink to rinse them off before putting them in the dishwasher.
After lunch we had my lessons. She was such a great teacher. I loved learning from her so much more than I ever enjoyed it at school. Not to mention it was fun to watch her write on the dry erase board, her ass was perfect. I spent the day taking in information with occasional breaks to day dream about running my hands through her hair. Finally when my lessons where done and I had taken in as much info as I could in a day, she collected my work and dismissed me.
I spent a little time thinking about how our talk was going to go. I needed to change the subject off of father as subtly as possible. I think I might try to tell her that I have fallen in love with her tonight. I decided to go back out to the fort and try to come up with a way to trap the coyotes. After gathering my coat and getting my shoes one I ventured out to the fort, stopping to grab the shovel from the tool shed. It was a little strange knowing that Jennifer knew where the fort was, it was also scary knowing that the next time I am entranced in my work she could just wonder in. I walked out of the woods into the clearing. I always felt a little more clear headed out here. My thought was that I would dig the hole a little deeper and find a way to make it more difficult to get out. I pulled the tarp out and inspected my hole, it wasn’t as deep as it seemed the other night when I was standing in the bottom of it covered in dirt and sweat. I had an idea, I laid the tarp out again, the same way as before, except this time I placed rocks around it that I had found out in the woods. My hope was that when something fell into the hole, the rocks would come crashing down on top of it and disable it. I needed to catch this thing, I needed to play.
After rearranging everything I realized that I didn’t have any bait. Without bait there is no way the coyote would return after having fallen into the trap once. I needed something bloody and appetizing. I walked around the forest looking for anything dead that may be of interest to the coyotes and I just couldn’t find anything. I was so disappointed, it seems the coyotes have been clearing out my critters. I felt this need come over me, and anger that these things where in my territory and taking my kills. Just then I had a thought, I bet there is meat in the house I can take.
I ran full speed toward the house. This was going to work perfectly. I crashed through the back door and into the kitchen. I thought to myself “Oh no, Jennifers in here.” As I waved to her. She said “Excited about dinner?” I sniffed the air and could smell the Prime rib cooking. “You got a Prime Rib? You’re the best!” I walked over to her and hugged her so that my face fell between her breasts. I could feel myself moving my head back and forth a bit, and I think she did too because she promptly pushed me away. She said “Dinner at nine, that’s two hours, be there or be sorry.” I said “Yes ma’am!” with a little salute. She giggled and went back to what she was doing. I walked over to our huge refrigerator and pretended I was grabbing a soda. I was actually getting one of the fresh steaks that we kept in the freezer. I slid it into the pocket of my jacket, grabbed a soda and walked out of the kitchen waving bye to Jennifer. She yelled behind me “Two hours!”
This meat should be perfect. Its very fresh and bloody. “I need this plan to work, I need to release some of this tension.” I said out loud to myself as I walked back to the fort. It was already dark outside and I had to light my lamp to see when I got inside. I dug the squirrel head out from under the table and tossed it into the air. I rolled it around in my hands and admired all of the intracasies of it and the rotting flesh. It really is beautiful. I sat the steak down in the middle of the tarp and took the squirrel head to the corner where my tool box is. I pulled a small length of rope out and weeded it through the hole in the back of its head where I had scooped out its little brain, and out one of the eyes. I secured it to the sticks on the ceiling, out of reach of any intruders, so that I could make sure it would always be there for me. After I felt comfortable that everything was going to work out at the fort I started walking home. I still had about an hour so I took my time. I went a little out of my way to walk by the rock on the creek that me and Jennifer had our picnic on once. It brought back some beautiful memories. I strolled back to the house, replaced what I had taken from the tool shed and headed inside for dinner.

Just an update.
 

An update on the writing process. The book has gotten kind of crazy. Im loving it, it has taken some turns I wasn't expecting but it is coming together great. I think I might have some people following this, if so, thank you all. I hope your enjoying it. When I sit down to write it seems to flow out and Im not stopping it. After I have a finished first draft I will re read it and make any changes. I kind of wish I could get you guys to give me some feedback! ::danger:: but I understand. So yeah, bear with me through this and hopefully when its done you will all support me by buying a copy. I don't think it will be ready for that for a while, and I plan on giving you the whole thing for free right here until it comes out. So again, THANKS!

Chapter 6
The smells rushed over me as I walked through the kitchen, Jennifer was finishing up the rest of dinner. I waved as I walked by but she was too busy to respond. I walked through the house and looked at all of the pictures up on the walls. I’m not normally one for reminiscing but today I was feeling a little off. There were a lot of professional pictures of my father and my mother. Only one of all of us. We looked happy but I couldn’t remember taking the picture at all. It was so stuffy, no fun pictures. No pictures of family vacations or all of us at the beach playing. I walked slowly through the halls to the dining room. The dining room had four huge arched windows along one wall and the other had a large painting of the house and some of the surrounding land. I felt like I should feel regal walking through here, but I just felt like I didn’t fit in. The table was set and waiting for Jennifer and myself to sit down to eat. The salad was already out and soon the rest of the food would be on the table. I walked down and looked at the table. The two seats to the left and right of the head of the table had plates and utensils set. I thought for a second and decided it was time for me to sit at the head of the table. I moved my place setting and took my seat. I could imagine a room full of people sitting in front of a huge feast, laughing and telling stories. It’s too bad that will never happen. I chuckled a little as Jennifer walked in with the prime rib on a platter and went back to get the sides. It’s going to be an interesting night.
After everything was set and we had food on our plates, Jennifer sat down and tried to start the conversation. She tried with “So, what are you feeling, I mean about your father?” I said “Diving right in, huh?” She looked around at the room a little and blushed “I don’t know how to do this. I’m not normally one for talking about feelings.” She said as she cut into her meat. I replied “Then don’t, I will tell you a little bit about what I think, and then let’s talk about something else.” She nodded an Ok. “Well I really don’t know much about my father, he supported us, he is… er, was a great business man. People all over the world knew him better than I did. I don’t have a lot of feelings about it right now, because he was all but a stranger. I need you to understand that I am ok, and that I really don’t need to talk about it. Deal?” I could see her relax and she said “Understood and Deal” and reached across the gap between us to shake my hand. I grabbed hers and shook firmly. “Now, let’s eat this amazing food and talk about something else.” I said, “Like how the Bruins killed the Redwings last night?” she asked. I had totally forgotten about the game, I was so exhausted. “I can’t believe I missed it, I guess the memorial took more out of me than I thought.” She said “Tonight’s game should be good though, we are playing the Stars.” Excited I said “I forgot there was a game tonight too, we are going to watch it over desert I hope?” “Of course!” She said. We finished up our dinner, as we talked I reached out and touched her arm occasionally just trying to feel her soft skin under my fingers. When we were done she started to clear the table and I stopped her. I said “I’ve got this, you go turn on the game and get the room ready.” She smiled softly and left the room. I cleared the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
When I got into the media room she had the lights turned down and the game was about to come on. I came with a big bowel of strawberries and a bowl of sugar to dip them in. I’m smooth sometimes, she had to sit next to me to get to the sugar. We joked around during the game and after we had finished the strawberries she cuddled up next to me complaining about being cold. I sat still for a minute, my heart racing. I was trying to think of the best way to do this. Finally, I just went for it.
I reached down and put my hand under her chin, slowly raising her face to look at me. She said “What’s up? I’m trying to watch the game.” I didn’t say a word, I leaned down and kissed her deeply. My tongue slid into her mouth and she kissed me back. It was absolutely perfect, exactly how I dreamed it. I ran my hand up her side and cupped one of her breasts. Then suddenly she pushed me away. She gasped and looked at me for a second and jumped up running out of the room. I tried to yell after her “Jennifer, wait…” But she was gone. I didn’t know what to think. The kiss was amazing, and she kissed me back so she definitely liked it. I was so confused that I didn’t even turn off the projector and just headed up to bed.
Lost in thought as I was walking by her room I could hear talking but couldn’t make out what she was saying. I slipped into the storage closet and moved the stack of boxes blocking my hole. I pushed my eye up against it and Jennifer’s room came into view. My eye darted back and forth trying to find her. I could still hear her voice, it sounded like she was sitting in the bathroom and talking to someone on the phone. She sounded, scared? Im not sure what’s going on but I decided I wasn’t going to find out this way. I covered the hole and left the room, being extra careful to close the door softly. I headed down to my room still lost in thought. When I went through the door I stood still for a second not sure what to do. I wasn’t tired, but I felt like I wanted to curl up in my bed. I had butterfly’s in my stomach making me feel sick. After dragging myself to my computer chair I flopped down. “She’s going to hate me forever, I ruined everything.” I said to myself. I just dazed off for a while.
I heard her door close, and footsteps. She was coming this way. I got up and shuffled over to my bed hoping she would come in and want to talk. I listened as she approached. I got more tense with every step she took. She was right in front of the door. I could imagine her hesitating and raising her hand to knock. Then I could hear her sigh and she started to walk back down the hall. About two minutes later I heard her door close. That was it for the night, I fell asleep shortly after trying to figure things out.
The next morning I got up like usual, got dressed and headed downstairs. Still a little foggy headed and full of sleep I wondered into the kitchen looking for breakfast. There was a plate on the bar with eggs and bacon and a glass of orange juice. Jennifer was nowhere to be seen. The food was fresh and still warm and I could smell her body wash in the air. I sat down at the bar and ate my food in silence, it was kind of earie. As I was eating my breakfast my mind kept drifting back to the night before and how perfect it was followed by how horrifically it ended. After my meal I got up and rinsed the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher taking note that there was another plate and glass there as well. She didn’t want to eat with me. I started to wonder if she planned on doing our lessons today. I guess we will find out, I headed out of the kitchen and down the hall to the little study that we used as a classroom.
Jennifer was there writing on the dry erase board. She didn’t hear me come in and I snuck up behind her very quietly. When I got to my desk I picked up a book and slammed it down. It hit the table with a loud “THUD” She jumped and spun around holding her chest. I started laughing but she didn’t. She said sternly “Michael! That’s unacceptable! You scared me, now sit down and get out your notebook.” I was stunned by her brashness, that was our game, how could she get angry with me for playing. Hurt I sat down and took out my notebook. This was going to be a very long class day.
After we covered all of our subjects without any of our normal joking, she said thank you and headed out of the room. I couldn’t believe it, she wasn’t going to talk to me anymore, I really did ruin everything. My mind started spinning, my heart was beating out of my chest, and I thought I was going to pass out again. I took some very deep, calming breaths hoping that would bring me down off of the ledge. But as I came down, I grew more and more angry. Was she actually rejecting me? After all of the fun we had how could she possibly just cut me out of her life? My vision started to fade over, my breathing became very deep and all I could think was how I needed to hurt something, now. A slew of images shot through my mind, images of Jennifer naked and of peeling the skin off of a small animal. I could feel the blood on my skin and smell its coppery essence in my nose.
When I started to come out of the haze I was standing outside of the fort with my jacket on. I didn’t remember leaving the house or walking through the woods, but there I was. My legs started moving but it didn’t feel like I was doing it. I could see everything but it felt like somebody else was in my body. I watched as I moved around the front of the shed and walked in through the door. The tarp was pulled back down into the hole but this time I could hear something moving around down there. I started to get really excited. Still just watching myself move through the fort with intent, like I had some sort of plan, I was thinking about how awesome it was to have a new toy to play with. I pulled the toolbox out and opened it up. Surveying the instruments inside I nodded my head, this should be perfect I thought. A little shiver went up my spine, “I felt that!” I tried to regain control but I couldn’t, it looks like I was just there for the ride.

Walking back outside, I was trying to find a way to immobilize the beast so that I could get him out without getting bit. I found some pretty big rocks and thought that I could drop them on it and hopefully knock it out. I gathered up a few pretty heavy rocks and brought them in to the fort. I set them down right next to the hole and finally peek over the edge to see what I caught. I wanted it to be the coyote but I didn’t care if it was something else. I just wanted to play with something. The hole was full of the tarp and pacing back and forth on top of it was a coyote. I was elated. It looked at me angrily, spit dripped from the side of it mouth and it growled up at me. It didn’t like me at all. I smiled at the beast, just then it jumped. It came about a foot out of the hole and tried to grab at the edge with its paws. It flailed for a second but the dirt gave away and it slid back down into the hole. From the look of the edge of the hole it had tried this a few times. I heard myself laugh out loud at the creature. It was going to be a great day.
I inspected my assortment of rocks, listening to the beast below snarl and growl at me. I decided to go with the smallest of the rocks because it had some good sharp corners on it. I didn’t want to kill the thing, I just wanted it unconscious. I lifted it above my head and timed it, I could feel my body making small adjustments waiting for just the right time to let go. Then I watched from inside my head as I slammed the rock down. It flew through the air and crashed into the head of the thing. It made a little yipping sound and fell to the ground. I watched it writhe around a bit and then slowly get back to its feet. It had a pretty big gash on its head and blood matted the fur around it. I felt my body tense up when I saw the blood and at that moment I couldn’t wait any longer. I grabbed the largest rock, it was heavy and porous, I shouldn’t have been able to lift it but I got it above my head and aimed. I tossed it down and watched as it smashed into the coyote. This time there was no sound. The thing collapsed and didn’t move at all. Worried it was dead already I hoped down into the pit with no regard whatsoever.
Putting my hand on its side I could feel its body still moving from its breath, what a relief. I would have been very upset if it was already gone. It was bleeding badly and I resisted the urge to pay with the wound. I wrapped it up in the tarp and figure I could heave it out with it. I clambered back out of the hole and reached down to grab the bundled ends of the tarp. I pulled hard just realizing how heavy the thing was. After about ten minutes of struggling with the tarp I felt the weight ease off as the body rolled over the edge of the hole. Now I had to come up with some way to make sure the thing couldn’t move while I was having my fun.
I unwrapped it from the tarp and drug it to the table. I laid the tarp over the table and made a floor out of it some four feet around the table. I then drug the heavy thing over and wrestled it up onto the table. I considered breaking all of its legs to keep it stationary but I wasn’t sure how much pain it would take before it woke up and came at me. After thinking hard about what to do I decided that I should just take its life before it woke up, it would be the safest way but completely unsatisfying. One of the best parts was watching the life drain out of its eyes. I was lost in thought and didn’t notice that its tail had started to twitch. I went to pull my pocket knife out of my pocket, we have had some good times me and that knife. As I was fumbled in my pocket I felt an incredible pain shoot through my arm. I screamed and my head jerked to look at the coyote biting down on my wrist. I tried to struggle but the more I pulled back the harder it bit into my arm. A million thoughts rushed through my mind. I could see the points where its teeth sank into my arm, I could see my flesh tearing, I could smell its breath and the look in its eyes was terrifying. Blood and spit rolled around my wrist and dripped onto the table. It was trying to get to its feet, why didn’t I break them? I reached down to my side and found one of the rocks. With one swift motion I swung the rock around and made contact with the top of the coyotes head. I watched in almost slow motion as the rock came down on it, I saw its eyes close and it loosened its grip a bit but still latched on. I took another heavy swing, then another, I couldn’t stop. It had let go and I continued bashing its skull in. I watched as its eyes rolled up into its head and its skull fractured into tiny chunks. I was so filled with pure hatred and anger that I couldn’t stop. When I was finally done you couldn’t tell there was a head there anymore.
I stepped back and shook off the haze that had come over me. I was back in control and bleeding profusely from my arm. Though I could hardly feel it. The thing got out a lot easier than I had wanted. I was still holding the rock, covered in blood and dripping on the floor of my fort. I grabbed a roll of paper towels that I keep to clean up “messes”. I wrapped the towels around my arm and took some duct tape and tightened it around the towels. I still had work to do before I could go home and clean up, plus I wanted to wait until I knew everyone would be in bed so that I could take care of these clothes.
After making sure I wasn’t going to bleed through my makeshift bandages, I went back to the bloodied lump of fur on the table. It had bled a lot onto the table and the floor, it’s a good thing that I had covered everything with the tarp. I petted the little guy for a minute thinking about what I wanted to do with him. I started pulling the bone fragments out of his skull. I put a few of them in my pocket, I’ll find something to do with them. Then I had an idea. First, I wanted to see what his muscles looked like, he was the largest creature Ive gotten to play with so far and I wanted to enjoy it. I took my knife out and flipped it open. Its incredibly sharp, I did a lot of research online and I sharpen it every time I use it. I had become a lot better at removing the skin from things sense the bunny. I made cuts around its neck, each of the legs and its tail. One long cut down its mid-section from the neck to the tail I start pulling it apart at the middle using my knife to cut through all of the sinew. I’m trying hard to concentrate and stay present as long as I can, but after a few minutes of feeling the warm muscle and watching the blood pour out over my hands I got lost again. The feeling of perfection came and along with it the happiest I had been in weeks. I proceeded to forget about what had happened with Jennifer. The pain from the bite was gone. The dog behind the church was good, but this is amazing. It’s so beautiful.

I finished peeling the skin off of the carcass and stood back for a second to admire it. The creature was perfect. It had so much muscle and was so strong. I went over and ran my fingers along its forelegs, over its side and down its rear legs. I loved the way it felt under my fingers, the muscles where slick and slimy but they were hard at the same time. I lowered my face to the body and smelled the raw flesh. It was a gamey sent, full of musk and hard odors. I loved it, I was tempted to taste it, but the little bit of rational thought I had left was worried about rabies. I rested my cheek on the still warm meat and rubbed it back and forth. I decided that I wanted to make an example of it. I cut into its chest and soaked my hands in its blood. After I was satisfied that I had enough all over me I went to the doorway and ran my blood covered hands and arms over the logs that made up the doorway. I think that will do as a warning.
My head was buzzing, the feeling of the blood all over my skin was the most amazing thing I could have ever wanted. I lifted my hands to my face and wiped them over it, rubbing the wet slimy blood all over until I was completely coated. A pleasure I had never felt before shot through my body like a jolt of electricity. There were vivid colors bursting in my vision. The feel, the smell, everything about this moment enveloped me. I took a long, deep breath and then, I was out.
My eyes opened, my vision completely blurry, I couldn’t quite make out where I was. As my senses started to come back to me I realized that I was standing in the shower. The last thing I remembered clearly was standing in the fort covered in blood. My heart was still pounding and I looked out of the shower and noticed bloody footprints on the bathroom floor. “Oh no, did I track blood through the entire house!?!” I hurried to scrub the blood off of my body, when I lifted my arm a pain shot through my body so hard I almost lost my footing. My eyes caught the makeshift bandage on my arm and the memories started flowing back to me. I pulled the duct tape loose carefully trying not to pull on the paper towels yet. My entire arm throbbed with pain. Every time it would throb little explosions of light, like fireworks would blur my vision. I got the duct tape off and started unwinding the towels. For every layer I took off the towels turned more and more red. I got to the last layer, it was stuck to the wounds, and there were a lot of them. I tried pulling it loose but the blood had dried and it felt like I was ripping my skin off. I clenched my teeth and put the arm into the warm water. It stung like nothing I had ever felt. It was amazing, I could remember getting bit but I don’t remember it hurting much at all at the time. The water soaked through the bandage and started to loosen it. The puddle at my feet was dark red. I watched the bandages fall away and examined the little tooth holes left by that damn coyote. There were eight on top and it looked like six on bottom. They were very deep and spread open. I rinsed them as thoroughly as I could stand. The pain finally started to subside, or I started to get used to it.
I stepped out of the shower and went to the medicine cabinet. Sifting through the band aids and tums I found what I was looking for. I collected gauze, Neosporin, and an ace bandage. Very carefully I bandaged up my wounds and swallowed a handful of ibuprofen. I looked over myself in the mirror trying to make sure that I didn’t miss any of the blood in my hair or on my chest. I caught my own eyes in the mirror and got right up against it. I looked different, something looked different. I shook off the weird feeling and as I did I remembered the footprints.
I was trying to piece together the puzzle that was that evening. My clothes and shoes are bundled up in the corner, I will have to remember to bag those and burn them. It’s funny, nobody ever notices that I buy a lot of new clothes for someone who doesn’t leave the house. I decided that I needed to trace my way back from my room to the front door and make sure that I didn’t leave anything behind.
It was dark outside but I had no clue what time it was. I flipped on my computer monitor and looked at the little clock. It said 4 am. Wow, this time I lost at least a few hours. What was I doing? I can’t remember anything past taking the skin off of the little bastard. Well at least nobody would be awake. I opened my door and walked out into the dark hallway. Paying close attention to the floor I walked very slowly down the hall. I didn’t see any blood on the floor at all, but I did come across a couple of bloody hand prints on the walls. I walked down the hall to the storage closet to grab some rags and cleaning chemicals. I looked through all of the stuff in there and found a couple of microfiber towels that nobody would miss and a spray bottle of some sort of lemony cleaner. I was just getting ready to go back out when I thought about the hole in the wall.

I set down my cleaning supplies and moved the items in front of the hole. Pressing my eye up to the hole I strained to see anything. The light in Jennifer’s bathroom was on but everything else was dark. I looked toward her bed and could see her under the covers. She was covered to the waist and wearing a Winnie the Pooh sleep shirt. I could see her breasts move up and down with every breath she took. “Will you ever forgive me?” I whispered. I moved everything back the way it was and grabbed my supplies and quietly left the closet.
After scrubbing the walls clean I continued down the stairs cleaning more blood from the handrail as I went. In the kitchen by the back door there was a little puddle of what looked like blood mixed with water. I got down on my knees to clean it up and the smell hit me, I peed here. I felt the blood rush into my cheeks. I was so embarrassed even though there was no one around and no one would ever know. The rags wouldn’t be enough for this, I went to the linen closet in the downstairs hall and got a large bath towel. I cleaned everything up to the point that you would never know it was there.
It was going on 5 a.m. and I was exhausted. I decided that I had done the best I could do and it was time to get some sleep. I wrote a note for Jennifer and stuck it to the dry erase board in the class room. It read:
Jennifer,
I am feeling very sick today and I don’t think I can do class. Please just
take the day off. I will be in my room resting.

Love,
Michael

I then headed upstairs. After getting back into my room, I cleaned up all of the blood in my bathroom and bagged the clothes and towels up. I set them in the corner of my room, I will take care of them tomorrow. For now I just wanted to sleep. I stripped down and climbed into bed. Im not sure I dreamed at all that night, but I slept hard.
I woke up around noon the next day. Groggy I rolled out of bed and got ready for the day. Unable to really think about much I brushed my teeth, pulled on some clothes and walked downstairs to the kitchen hunting for food. When I got down there I was surprised to see my note exactly where I had left it and there was no sign that Jennifer had made any food. I pulled out the cocoa puffs and made myself a bowel. Everything was so quiet. It was really earie. I sat slurping my food and thinking about the day before trying to recover some of my memories. For some reason I couldn’t get anywhere. I was really anxious to see how I had left the fort and the thing I had played with. I stood up to drop my bowl back into the sink and when I turned around Jennifer was standing there. She had just come downstairs and had her coat on like she was going somewhere. “Oh, hi…” I said. She smiled a little and said “Im going into town to run some errands, do you need anything?” I answered “Could you get me some Alka-Seltzer, Im really not feeling well.” She nodded and we stood there awkwardly. I started to say “Hey, are we ok?” but as I was saying it I noticed a couple drops of blood on the wall next to her. I only got out “Hey, are we…” and then I kind of trailed off. I walked around her to where the spots were just as she was responding “I don’t know Michael, what happened is not ok.” I put my back to the spots and said “I know but I think I might be in love with you.” She looked like that troubled her. She said “Michael, you’re too young to know what that really is. You aren’t even a man yet.” That hit me hard and an image flashed through my mind of screaming at her body as it lay at my feet. “I, I, I’m” I couldn’t form a complete thought and she turned and headed out the door. I felt so angry. I just needed to go out and explore my fort and try to get through this day.
I put on my jacket and my gloves and headed out the back door. I walked out into the woods, feeling pretty good for the day. I walked past the shed, through the woods, into the clearing and as I rounded the corner of the doorway to my fort I banged my arm against it. Pain shot through me and I let out a little scream. I rubbed it softly waiting for the pain to subside. When it finally did I went the rest of the way inside. I was expecting the worst, blood splattered on the walls, guts everywhere. But I found nothing. Not even the hole. I had this really weird feeling like I had missed a lot. I started looking around. The blood I smeared on the doorway was still there but now that it was dried it just looked like dark brown paint. The table was clean and there was no sign of the tarp or the coyote. The ground where the hole was, was very soft. So I must have cleaned up and buried everything in there. Hanging from a string next to the squirrel head that I hung up from the ceiling where a couple of small bone fragments that I remember putting in my pocket the day before. It looks like I am starting a new collection. I felt really good about what I had found and remembered that I needed to burn the clothes I had bagged up from last night, so I headed home again.

Ok, so chapter 6 was long. I think I need to shorten the chapters and get more out of the book.

Special announcement for any reading this thing. The first draft is done. It feels really good. I plan on going over it and making some changes, maybe adding a little more character depth in places. What yall are getting a a very rough first draft. After I rewrite it I will send it off to my editor friend and see if we cant make it easier to read. *****AGAIN IM NOT AN AUTHOR*****

Thanks everyone, you'll continue to get regular updates.... even if none of you will give me feedback.

Jake

I an attempt to get some feedback on how I should try to publish in the near future I posted a poll. I would just like to know how many people think this would be something they would purchase. Im trying to figure out if I am doing this just for me, or if I should try to get it out there.

Chapter 7
There were some big changes in my life the next couple of weeks. Jennifer fell into a roll of basically teacher and nothing else. I continued my lessons without any of the fun we used to have. I changed my bandages every day and it seemed like the wounds were starting to heal. I was nervous about rabies but it appears to not be a problem. I kept it clean so that it wouldn’t get infected. Everything else just kept moving forward. I still wanted Jennifer to love me, and a part of me hated her for not even trying. I put so much effort into building a relationship with her. I thought we were going to be something really special.
I saw mother a couple of times, once in the kitchen getting a snack. She hugged me, but she looked like she had been crying for days. Her eyes were sunken into her head and there were huge black rings around them. Her cheeks were wet with tears and when she hugged me I could feel her bones through her skin. She smelled pretty bad, like she hadn’t showered in days. I was really worried about her but she refused to stay out of her room. She refused to spend any time with me at all.
“Im alone.” I said to myself in the mirror one boring afternoon. I tried to think about all of the things that had happened in my life in the last couple of years but everything just felt like a blur of images and false memories. I have been missing a lot of time lately. Sometimes I didn’t even remember having lessons. Most of the time I felt like a stranger in my own head. I could hear my voice telling me things. It almost felt as though I was teaching myself. When I would find a new creature to play with, I would fall into a feeling of absolutely wonder and perfection as I took it apart and examined every little bit of it. Although I knew I was alone, I felt like I was always with me. I didn’t need anyone else because I could disconnect and live inside my head.
Yeah, that worked sometimes, but I really missed spending more time with Jennifer. I still had hope even though I knew that it could never be. I still missed my mother’s occasional touch. But knowing that they were there made things a little easier to deal with.
I started to talk to people online to try and replace my time with Jennifer. But I realized that other kids my age had completely different interests. I wanted to talk about anatomy, and learn new methods. Knowing that I couldn’t tell people about my habit. I read a study once that said that killing animals could be a precursor to killing people. I have had some thoughts like that before, but I don’t think I could make the move to people. Although I am incredibly intrigued by the human body. I haven’t had much physical contact with people in a long time and I almost forgot how nice it is to feel a new person’s skin under my finger.
I started joining boards for college students looking to join the medical field and got some excellent research out of that. In my searching through different boards and following suggestions of people who I thought seemed like minded I stumbled into a snuff chat room. When I first opened the page I saw an image of a girl’s body on the floor, bloody coming from her neck, eyes wide open and a man was fucking her. I was immediately interested. I clicked through to the chat board and realized there are a ton of people talking about this stuff. I might have found somewhere that I can meet people who have the same mindset as me. I suddenly felt a lot less lonely, these people understood.
At first I just watched during almost all of my free time. I read as people laid out what they would like to do to each other. I was completely absorbed in learning more about these people. I read a ton of stories and loved to watch the seedy videos that this group put together. This managed to fill all of the pieces that fell out of my life when mother and Jennifer seemingly hated me.
I remember the first time I spoke on there very clearly. I was reading as two men spoke to a young lady about how they wanted to abduct her and force her into all of these different situations. They talked about how they would pick her up and where they would take her. They spoke about all of the things they wanted to do to her, and she loved it, she was following right along. After an hour or so of talking they came to the end and reached out to the board for ideas on how to dispatch her. I didn’t hesitate at all, I chimed in with “Tie her up by her ankles, run a sharp blade from her pussy to her neck. Make sure she can’t close her eyes so that she can see her insides pour out and over her face as she slowly fades out.” I smiled ear to ear as I received applause and props for my suggestion. I felt so proud of myself. I also felt like I would do anything to see that happen, to do it exactly as they did. I got up from the computer feeling tingly all over and day dreaming all of the things I had just read and slunk over to my bed. I have no clue what time it is, pretty sure it’s really early but I feel exhausted. I fell into bed in my clothes and slept hard.
I continued these afternoons and evenings on the computer. I started to interject more and more and eventually started coming up with ideas of my own and leading some chats. To everyone on the board I was Steven L, a 34 year old living somewhere in the Midwest. I kept everything I could about me under wraps. I am sure they would boot me if they knew how young I actually was, what place did a 12 year old have messing around with this kind of thing.
Some time had passed, I don’t know how much, most of my days were identical. I did make the occasional excursion out to the fort to add some bone fragments to my collection. I was getting pretty efficient at hunting and trapping small animals. And I still loved to watch them die, but now I had a new interest, one that I could share with a select group of people. Then one day I got up and went downstairs for my lesson and Jennifer wasn’t there. She wasn’t on time, nor did she come down at all. I sat in my chair and waited for 20 minutes. Then I decided to go to her room and see if she was ok. I said to myself “Maybe she’s sick, and she just forgot to leave me a note.” I walked upstairs and knocked on her door. Nothing, I called out “Jennifer, are you ok?” Still nothing. Feeling a little bit nervous I decided to go into the room. Thinking she might be in the shower, I didn’t want to just barge in so I went into the guest room next to hers to see if I could hear the shower. It wasn’t running and there was no sound coming from her room. I walked through the open bathroom door and into her bedroom. Out of my peripheral vision as I went through the bathroom I caught a glimpse of the counter and noticed that it was clear.
She was gone. She was completely gone. I fell into a panic and ran through the room. All of her clothes, her shoes, her books, everything had been cleared out. I couldn’t believe she left without saying anything to me. Tears started to roll down my cheeks when a voice rang out inside of my head “Shut the fuck up baby! She didn’t care about you, she probably hated your guts.” I shook my head “She loved me.” I said out loud. I noticed a small note pad on the bed with something written on it. I walked over to it a little shaken and not wanting to read it. But I picked it up and read through it paying close attention to all of the details and noting the sound of desperation in her writing.
Michael,
I know you’ll find this before anyone else does. I have left food for the rest of the week in the refrigerator, hopefully your mom will find someone to replace me by then. I know this is probably confusing to you, but I can’t get passed what happened. If you were older we would be together. I had such great times with you. But it is wrong, in so many ways. When you kissed me, I couldn’t restrain myself and I almost did something I would have really regretted. After thinking about it for the last few months and looking around at other opportunities I have decided to take a live in nanny job with a family on the West Coast. I’m sorry for leaving you like this, but I can’t be there anymore. Please tell your mother that I have gone and ask her to find someone new. Tell her I will not be needing my last check and that I wish her the best. I also wish you the best, I hope you can understand and find a way to forgive me.

You’re Friend,
Jennifer

I was lost, I felt something jerk in my chest and I felt my head spin a bit. I didn’t know what to think and I really didn’t know what to do. I sat on her bed and cried until my eyes hurt. I loved her with all of my heart and she betrayed me, she never loved me back. She must have just been playing me for the paycheck this entire time. I can’t believe I would let myself get fooled so easily. My vision blurred and went red, the world felt like a dream. I got up slowly, cheeks still dripping tears, and walked back through the room. The air felt like water, like it was hard to walk and everything moved slowly. My mind was racing though. I kept trying to think of ways to get back at her, but she was on the other side of the country. I wanted to kill something but I had nothing to kill. I stopped walking, took some real deep breaths and tried to clear my head. The haze pulled back slowly uncovering my vision. The liquid feel of the air started to melt away. I think I might be getting the hang of this, I might be able to control this.
After waiting for a little while and making 100% sure that I was thinking clearly, I headed back downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast and think about what I was going to say to mother. The house felt especially empty now, knowing that Jennifer wasn’t there. I was a little worried about myself, I felt something strange upstairs, like my mind was slipping a little bit. But I moved that to the back of my mind and scrambled myself up some eggs and made toast. I ate contemplating what to say to mother. She was going to assume that I had ran Jennifer off and she would be upset with me. How can I protect myself and make me look like the victim?
I sighed and decided that I needed to just go do it. I hadn’t seen my mother for a while, not sense our run in in the kitchen. I walked down the hall to the bedroom that used to be her and my fathers but was just hers now. I could smell the sadness and desperation as I got closer to the door. I hadn’t really thought about my father much sense the memorial, sense I decided that I didn’t care. But it seems like mom thought about him a lot, I could hear her weeping through the door. I stopped and collected my thoughts, knocking I said “Mom…” I waited a second and heard her moving around. An image ran through my mind of her rushing around the room to clean things up a bit before opening the door. Then I heard the knob move and the door creaked a little as it opened just far enough for her to see me. She said “What’s going on honey, everything ok?” I felt the tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. I said “I need to talk to you, something has happened.” A worried look came across her face. The pain that was already there along with the worry broke loose my tears. She watched silently as I cried. She opened the door the rest of the way and said “Come in my dear, it looks like you need me.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually been in the bedroom. I looked around and noticed how completely ruined it was. The smell and the air was thick. The odor was ripe, and smelled like rotten food and urine. There was food piled all over the floor, in the corners and around the bed. The curtains where drawn tight on the huge floor to ceiling cathedral windows. The four post bed was dingy and the sheets and comforter looked like they hadn’t been changed in years. She had a TV on one wall with a small chair and table in front of it. There was a TV tray sitting next to the chair, which must be where she ate. The drawers to her dresser were left standing open. The door to the bathroom was open too, there was a terrible smell coming from in there. Luckily the room was pitch black and I couldn’t see inside.
Mother cleared a spot on a fancy little couch by the windows that I hadn’t noticed at first because it was covered in dirty clothes. She sat down and patted the spot next to her. I was trying to refrain from making any faces as the smells washed over me. I sat next to her and her eyes got big as she noticed the bandage on my arm she said “What’s happened to your arm little man?” I looked at her and said “Jennifer left over night last night, trying to change the subject. She left a note that just said that she had a great offer in Washington State and couldn’t pass it up. She apologized for how abrupt she left.” Mom closed her eyes for a second and said “You didn’t do anything to her did you?” I felt a little shocked, did she know something? I said “Absolutely not Momma, I cut myself playing in the woods, why would you think that?” “No reason Michael, just had a feeling that there was more to this.” She said. I guess mother’s instinct is a real thing. She gave me a hug and squeezed tight. It felt so good to be in her arms. She said “Its ok buddy, I will make some phone calls and we will find someone else to teach you.” I reluctantly said “Ok Momma, I guess that will work. Thank you, and I love you.” She smiled and said “I love you too little man, now get on out of here and let me make some phone calls. It looks like you get some time off.” I got up and walked out of her room, still smiling from the hug but feeling broken from the loss of Jennifer.
I spent the rest of that week playing on the computer, my toys and games left to figure out how to play by themselves. I thought a couple of times about going out to the fort and finishing the epic battle between the turtles and Shredder, I even went as far as to get dressed and my shoes on but just before going out I decided to just check and see if anyone was online. Then I got lost in that devious little world fantasizing about how much I would love to be involved.
I was responsible for feeding myself and getting in and out of bed, sense even though she knew I was alone, mother never came out of her room. One evening I went downstairs to make some dinner, and by that I mean put some pizza rolls in the microwave, and I saw a note sitting on the counter. My exploded, the first thought that shot through my mind was that Jennifer had changed her mind and come home. I ran over to the note and immediately recognized my mother’s perfect handwriting. It was short and to the point.
Michael,
I found somebody willing to move into the house and take over teaching you and cooking for us. She seems very nice. Her name is Edith and she should be here Sunday to move in. Please be respectful and show your manners.

Love,
Mom
Edith sounded like an old ladies name, I didn’t like the sound of that. I folded the note up and stuck it in my pocket. Looking at the calendar we keep stuck to the refrigerator, I said “Three days left to enjoy myself. This should be fun.” Just then the Ding went off telling me that my pizza rolls were done and I grabbed them and jetted back up to my room.
The following three days went by like a blur. I spent them all upstairs staring at the computer and registering everything that came across the screen. Every time I had a great idea, I would start a story line and wait for a couple other people to join in. I loved this, it was so satisfying. I started talking one on one to a couple of guys who were very nice and who played along with my fantasies. One of them, Johnny, seemed to come from exactly the same place I did. I told him every dark fantasy I had. He was the only person on this chat that knew my real age. I didn’t tell him anything else because I know better that to trust a stranger. We talked every day, he told me everything he dreamed of and I told him everything that came to mind. I even told him about my experiences with the animals, but I told him them as fantasies. I didn’t need him to think I was actually crazy.
As the days went on, the wounds on my arms healed to the point that I didn’t need the bandages anymore. The scars were going to be very noticeable though, the story I told mom about getting cut up in the woods should work to cover it though. It was so hard to resist picking at the scabs so that I could see that fresh blood underneath. But I restrained knowing that the more I messed with them, the harder it would be to cover them up. Plus Sunday was right around the corner and I wanted to look my best for Edith. I was still nervous about her, but only when I wasn’t distracted with my new game.

Chapter 8
Today was the day, I woke up nervous. What if she’s terrible? What if she hates me at first site? What if she doesn’t know how to cook? I got up and got myself showered and dressed. I put Band-Aids over my “cuts” and splashed on a little cologne. I went downstairs to make breakfast and wait, not having any idea what time she would be arriving. I munched down some cereal and decided to watch TV in the living room. I hadn’t turned the TV in the living room on in months if not years, having one in my room and the big projector in the media room made the living room TV seem pointless. But I sat on our huge couch and flipped through the channels trying to find something to kill the time.
I heard a knock at the front door, I must have fallen asleep for a couple hours trying to suffer through some of the disgusting drivel that comes out of the TV. I jumped up and straightened my clothes. As I ran to the door I stopped at the mirror by the coat rack in the foyer and checked my hair. Then I opened the huge door, a small woman in her 50’s was standing there a suitcase no bigger than a computer bag sitting on the stoop next to her. I smiled wide and stuck out my hand, “I’m Michael, you must be Edith.” She smiled sweetly and took the glove off of her hand in order to shake mine. She said “Well Michael, its wonderful to meet you. I suppose we will become good friends. Is your mother home?” I stepped aside and let her in. She came through the door and I offered to take her jacket and bag. She seemed really nice so far, she may not be as fun as Jennifer but at least she didn’t seem mean.
We walked to the living room and I showed her to the couch. She said “This is an amazing house Michael.” I nodded and said “Yeah, dad bought it for us a while before he passed away.” She frowned “Im so sorry Michael, I didn’t know.” I shook my head and said “Don’t worry about it, he wasn’t around much so I’m not sure it really affected me much.” She looked like she understood and dropped it. “Well I suppose I should meet your mother and have a proper introduction.” I was nervous about her seeing mother and her hiding place so I decided to tell her about it. “Well Edith, it is ok if I call you by your first name right ma’am?” God I’m good at being a good kid. She nodded and I went on “Mother is a very quiet secluded person. She only comes out occasionally, she will take most of her meals in her room. My father’s death as seriously affected her.” Edith seemed to understand but still said “Ok, but I really should meet her in person, its only right.” I went on to explain the condition that she is in and the condition that she lives in. I also warned her not to ask her about any of it because mother gets very defensive.
I asked her to stay there while I went ahead to tell mother that she was going to come and introduce herself. I’m sure Edith was very confused and somewhat concerned at all of this, but I had to protect my mother and make sure that everything went smoothly. I knocked on mother’s door and when she opened it I explained that Edith wanted to meet her. Mother said “That sounds good, I will meet her at dinner tonight.” I smiled a huge real smile and said “Your coming to dinner!?!” She laughed a little, god that was an amazing sound, and said “Yeah I’ll have dinner with you guys tonight, you know what I like, we will see how she can cook.” And with that she retreated back into her room presumably to get ready.
I returned to the living room to find Edith exactly where I had left her. I told her that mother was laying down and said that she would meet us for dinner. I asked “Would you like me to give you the grand tour and show you to your room?” She smiled that sweet grandmother smile and nodded her head again. I took her bag and led her through the main floor showing her the kitchen, mother’s library, the study, the media room, and the long hall that mothers room was at the end of. We went up the huge flight of stairs at the front of the house. I explained to her that I normally use the back door and stairs but this is the main one. I walked her through the halls for a moment showing her our 8 guest bedrooms and all of the beautiful art that the house was decorated with. She gasped and said “This is all so beautiful, I grew up in a very small little house.” I told her “I have been in this house for a long time, I don’t really like to leave the property. People make me nervous. Father bought 500 acres and I know all of them like the back of my hand.” She said “Well maybe I will have you take me around a bit sometime, I love to teach outside.” I think I could get used to Edith, I hope she stays this nice.
We walked down the hall that led to our rooms. I opened the door that belonged to her and showed her inside. She looked around in wonder. I walked across the room and tossed her bag gently onto the bed. I told her “You have your own bathroom and shower. This room connects to the guest room next door through the bathroom, but you can lock that door. Nobody has ever used that room.” Thinking back to the time I had watched Jennifer shower from that room. In the background of my daydream I heard Edith say “Michael, are you going to continue the tour or just stand there all day?” I shook my head hard and apologized “Im sorry Edith, this room brings back some memories for me, I don’t come in here much anymore.” She smiled and I stepped past her to continue the tour.

So far I pointed out every door we walked by but I tried to avoid the storage closet next to Edith’s room. It didn’t work, as we walked by she said “What’s in hear?” I turned around and told her “Oh, that’s just storage, we keep some cleaning stuff in there but mostly just junk.” She said “Oh I see, not important, onward!” We kept walking and I told her about how my father had passed away and the memorial and how beautiful it was.
We walked up to my door and I opened it. We stepped inside, I said “This is my room, I spend a lot of my free time between here and the woods outside.” I guess I kind of like to be alone.” She smiled and said, trying to sound cool “I can’t believe you have so much stuff, this is pretty cool.” I nodded my head “Yeah, I guess we have a lot of money and I just buy the things I want.” She walked around my room a little bit. As she moved passed my computer I noticed the monitor was on and the chat screen was open. She was looking at my TV and games, back to the computer. I walked over and pointed toward my bathroom, “You should see how big the bathroom is, it’s great.” She said “Oh” and started walking over to the door. After she moved away I slid in and flipped off the monitor real fast. She poked her head in and said “Oh my! It is huge. That shower…” and she trailed off, she turned around and said “Michael, are you ok?” I felt my face flush and my brow wrinkle “Yeah, Im fine, how come?” She said “There is quite a bit of blood in the sink in there, did you cut yourself?” I stumbled over my words a little. I didn’t remember any reason for there to be blood in there. I didn’t cut myself and I haven’t gone hunting in a while. “Yeah, I uh, I cut myself playing in the woods.” I held up my arm with the Band-Aids on it. She frowned “You have to be careful, the woods can be a dangerous place.” I laughed “Yeah, I tripped and fell on some barbed wire. There are a lot of old property lines out there and a lot of the fences have fallen over.” That should cover the lie pretty good. She looked like she accepted it and walked toward the door to leave.
As we walked downstairs and back to the kitchen I told her all of the things mom loved. I explained that she was responsible for meals and that she should always have things mother likes available just in case mother comes out to eat with us. But when she eats in her room like she does most nights, she just wants frozen dinners. No matter if she ate with us or by herself dinner was to be served at exactly 6:45 p.m. every night. Edith listened intently trying to absorb all of the information I was throwing at her.
When we got to the kitchen she thanked me and said “That was a great tour, I think we are going to get along just fine. I’m going to get to work, why don’t you go get cleaned up?” I said “Absolutely, I’m so excited mother is coming to dinner, you’ll love her.” She reached out to shake my hand and I gave her a big hug. I felt her tense up and then relax. I think she likes me.
I ran back upstairs and left her to cook. I felt pretty good about my new teacher, it seemed like we would get along fine. She might not be much to look at, but I guess that’s what the internet is for. That reminded me, I went to the computer and flipped the screen back on. There was a message waiting there for me from Johnny. It was a very detailed recollection of a dream he had the night before. I didn’t have time to read the whole thing now, but I would get to it later. Right now I needed to get cleaned up for dinner. Mother would want me to look my best, she would hate how I normally come to the table. I laid out a nice outfit, not to over the top but respectable. Stripping down I went into the bathroom to clean up and get ready. The water was warm and relaxing, I was feeling pretty good about things, not know that my subconscious mind was making plans and plotting behind my back.
After I was cleaned and fresh, I got dressed and went back down stairs. It was 6:30 when I strolled into the dining room. Mother wasn’t there yet, but she wouldn’t be until exactly 6:45, that is for some reason the only time she believes dinner should exist. Plus if she came early she might have to make small talk to a few minutes and I think that scared her. The Salad was already on the table and the smells flowing through the house were amazing. I couldn’t wait to eat and see if Edith could satisfy mother’s sophisticated tastes. I took my seat and waiting patiently in the silent room. I could here Edith moving around in the kitchen making sure everything was perfect.
A couple minutes later Edith came in with a beautiful Duck roasted to perfection, it smelled awesome. She brought in Yorkshire puddings, roasted herb carrots, and what looked like an exquisite bowl of red potatoes quartered in garlic and butter. I was really impressed. My mouth started salivating and I could barely resist digging in. She asked “What do you think?” I said “It looks perfect, I think mother will be happy.” She asked “Should I go get her?” “Oh no, don’t worry, she will be here at exactly 6:45 like I told you. She is a creature of habit.” I answered. Just then, mother walked into the room. I saw her out of the corner of my eye and immediately got to my feet. “Hi mother!” I said. She smiled at me and said “Wow, this looks great, well done Edith.” Edith smiled at her and just said “Thank you ma’am. That means a lot.” She pulled out mothers chair at the head of the table and slid it back in as she sat down.
Mother looked radiant, as usual. She took my hand and Edith’s and said “Why don’t we pray together?” I was a little confused by this, we had never prayed at the table before. She must have seen the confusion on my face because she said “Michael, I know this is new, but I am going through some things and I feel like I should try to bring faith back into my life. Do you understand?” I smiled at her and bowed my head. I don’t believe in God, or that there is anything after this life. I think that we only have this life and should enjoy it. But I would do anything to make mother happy.
We prayed, it was short and boring as most prayers are. Then Edith served me and mother and then herself. Everything was delicious. Mother complemented Edith on her cooking and said that it was better than Jennifer’s ever was, I completely agree. I could definitely get used to Edith being here. Mother said to her “Well Edith, tell us a little more about you.” Edith said “Gosh, there is a lot to tell, but I will keep it brief. I grew up in Vermont. Went to school to be a teacher, and got my degree. I taught for 20 years but got kind of bored with the classroom. I decided to try private teaching. Got a job with a family in Boston and taught their son for the last 9 years. He moved on to college and I was out of the job. And then, just when I was starting to get worried, you called. I love to teach, I never took a husband and didn’t have kids of my own so this gave me a way to have a family. That’s pretty much me in a nut shell.” Mother seemed pleased by this and said “Perfect, I think you’re going to fit in great here. We don’t expect a ton, just teach Michael and take care of grocery shopping and food. Otherwise we are pretty easy.” During this exchange I was shoving food down my throat, it was so good.
After we finished dinner, mother and Edith continued small talk and I offered to clear the table. I love acting like the perfect gentleman. I got all of the dishes cleared and rinsed them off before I put them in the dishwasher. With mother satisfied with Edith it looked like she was going to be permanent. I was still missing Jennifer, but it didn’t seem so bad now that there was someone else here. Maybe I only needed a woman in my life to take care of the essentials. When I was finished with the dishes I went back into the dining room. As I entered mother was standing to leave. Edith smiled and shook her hand. Mother turned toward me and nodded with a smile signifying that she was good and we would keep her. I returned the nod and walked over to give her a hug. She was the perfect specimen of a woman. So beautiful and her skin was so soft. She had lost a lot of weight but she still looked healthy. She smelled great and moved gracefully. I watched as she headed for the door and out of site.
Edith and myself sat and talked over a couple of glasses of milk and some cookies she apparently had time to make while creating that incredible feast. I said to her “Mother seems very happy with you, I guess we are going to be spending a lot of time together.” She said “Well how do you feel about that?” I thought for a second and smiled saying “Im happy, as long as you’re a good teacher, I think we will have fun together.” She had no idea what was going on behind the façade I was putting up. My mind creating and recreating her death. Although not entirely aware of it at the time, Edith would eventually be my first, and it was going to be a lot of fun. I held a pretty solid conversation with her and image after image of her dangling from the ceiling while I peeled her skin off danced through my imagination. I started to get excited, both mentally and physically. I decided that it was time for bed. Being very careful how I stood up, I shook her hand not wanting to hug her in my current state, and headed for the stairs. Everything seemed perfect, everything seemed to just want to fall into place. A sound in my head kept saying over and over again “I wonder what she feels like under that wrinkled skin.”

Man you have a lot of air in you.

Im not sure what that means angle... Is that a good thing or are you saying I talk to much?

Don't get offended. I'm the one who talks to much on here really.

That was stupid of me to say that in my last post.

Absolutely no offense taken. If the book comes across long winded I need to know that. Ill have to find places to cut it down. Mind you, I still have about 15 chapters to add.

Thanks. I'm writer too. Not an author yet, but hopefully I will be.

Yeah, seems to be a hard world. Luckily its kind of my side thing. I submitted to a couple of agents last week, now the waiting game. Im hoping to draw some feedback from them if anything.

Hope people still enjoy sci fi because that what I am writing.

I love sci-fi as long as its kind of gory... unfortunately if blood doesn't cover the walls I lose interest. The only clean sci-fi I ever really got into was "The Dark Tower" from Stephen King. Love that shit!

You've lost interest. I'm the H.G. Wells type. :[

as an english graduate and an avid reader i found the sentence structures very basic and regimented, the content varied but felt repetetive. thats just me, and one opinion is not everyones, but im always honest and say what i think.

It's ok, we can't all love everything. I would still read your work for supports sake.

I appreciate that vamp. That's what I need. I have no clue what I'm actually doing so comments like that help me figure out the details. I'll work on it.

I like gory stuff just never had the nack of writing it. So I just started writing what I knew best.