Getting ready for Halloween
 

Getting Ready for Halloween!
1.When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead. It isn't.
2.Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3.Do not search the basement or attic, even if the power is out.
4.If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language that they should not know, shoot them immediately. Shooting them will save you much grief in the long run; however, it will take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This tip also applies to anyone who speaks with someone else's voice.
5.When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go alone.
6.As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7.Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This rule also applies to any other house of the dead.
8.If you are searching for something that caused a loud noise and find out that it was just the cat, get the hell out. Expeditiously.
9.If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits. Again, get the hell out.
10.Do not take anything from the dead. No matter how much you like it, it's bound to disagree with you sooner or later.
11.If you find a town that looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12.Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
13.If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice--more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14.If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination with blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15.Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Haddonfield, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, and any small town in Maine, Maryland, and Massachusetts.
16.If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to use the telephone. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself in the head. You are going to die anyway and most likely be eaten.
17.Beware of strangers bearing strange tools like chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, and ice picks.
18.If you discover that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This rule also applies to previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion.
19. If there are supernatural elements going on around you, don't have sex. Especially if you are a blond.
20. If you are a blond, dye your hair! You have a much better chance of survival if you are a brunette, or redhead. (I guess we don't taste as good or something...)
21. Stay out of cornfields, woods and bodies of water. These are locations where no one will hear you if you scream, or if the do hear you, they will never find you in time.
22. Stay out of big old scary looking mansions, nothing good ever comes from your visit, no matter how considerate a houseguest you are.
23. Never back slowly down stairs, around corners, or through doorways. You have just been where you are coming from and you should know that the threat is not there.
24. If the phone goes dead just when you are about to call for help, don't waist time jiggling the receiver cradle and shouting "Hello" into the receiver. Giving away your position while masking the sounds of the opponents approach is NOT a good tactic.
25. For Heaven's sake, listen to us Moors residents when we tell you to "Keep to the roads, lads!"
26. Stay away from dusty old tomes with questionable fabric covers.
27. Never try to read aloud from books when they are written in some obscure dead language, even if you are a linguistics expert. There are reasons why certain languages are dead.
28. Never say, “It could be worse,” because it will get much worse.
29. Never turn your back on stuffed animals, dolls or clowns. They may seem innocent enough, but they are really demons laying in wait.
30. Do not try destroying same dolls, animals or clowns with fire, water, or exorcism, as this only pisses them off. Just resign yourself to the fact that your life is over.
31. Never invite a ghost or spirit to show itself. It may think that you want it to stay and will make itself at home…
32. Never go camping in the woods on Halloween.
33. Ignore the others who say it will be fun and never go to one of those creepy looking traveling funhouses on Halloween, either. Boo!
34. If the phone rings, don't bother answering it. Go curl up in a corner and resign yourself to the end. It's the killer and he is already in the house, or is outside watching you.
35. If you forget/drop/lose something while a monster is on the loose, it probably isn't the wisest idea to go looking for it later. This principle especially applies to cats.
36. Beware of people in masks. It might not actually be a mask...
37. Never investigate old broken down mansions, especially in Texas. In fact, it’s best to stay out of Texas, New Orleans or any sort of swamp like area all-together.
38. Don’t ever watch unfamiliar and bizarre videotapes.
39. Never let the little bitch out of the well.
40. Never trust computers with little girl avatars
41. Never stroll from room to room, searching for your boyfriend/girlfriend whilst simultaneously calling their name.
Example:
"Tommy? Are your in there? Tommy? Is that you?"
And...if this is happening immediately after sex, resign yourself to your fate immediately and dispatch yourself before the monster gets the chance.
42. Never be the only person at a supernatural outing (whether intentional or unintentional) wearing a red shirt.
43. Never have sex with the overtly horny camp counselor. She will inevitably die first, but you can count on being next in line
44. Donald Pleasance shows up, just recognize you're in a whole lot of great big trouble.
45. Never help a clown out of a drain hole - all clowns are evil!
46. Don't make fun of or play with dead things.
47. If you see a town that looks deserted except for children, do not try to 'help' them - they will eat you.
48. If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.
49. Never have sex in the bunk beds of recently renovated summer camps.
50. Whenever you land on a distant planet and find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.
51. Do not allow crewmates back aboard the craft if and after you have found a hideous parasite attached to his/her body.
52. Be forewarned that a gun is only good for ALMOST killing the monster, never for COMPLETELY killing it. Be sure to have an extra weapon, preferably one with "flair" (a knife, a harpoon, a heavy box, razor confetti, pop tarts...)
53. Don't open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or the voice of a dear relative whom you THOUGHT was dead.
54. Never bathe, especially when in the house alone.
55. If you are a female, never expose yourself. Easy women die fast.
56. Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.
57. If the Toshiba suddenly says out of context, “I understand quantum theory, but what is this thing called love?”, get the hammer immediately. - wahsatchmo
58. Stuntman, if you beam down wearing a red shirt also wear a false beard. That way you can be paid to die again wearing a false mustache in the following episode.
59. No need to open a strange bag or parcel because you think it may contain a bomb. It will.
60. When the hero says it is too quiet the monster has found you. (A.M.Swallow)

Pretty nifty advice.

Excellent advice. #54 should include showers though. Especially in a camp.

What about picking up hitchhikers?

Or in strange, out-of-the-place motels.

Good point!

Fairly sure you've got that one the wrong way round

Now you tell me! sheesh

The monkey's back! :D:eek:

Hahaha, all fine. Damn fine.

Although the blonde should keep her hair blonde. Gives everyone else a fighting chance. Bitch is gonna die anyway. The blonde is apparently always a slut.

What a relief, I lost my list.
Now I'll be safe this year. Thanks Hammer:)

You're welcome, sweetie! :D:p

Aha! What a great list! Just a few decorations more, and some Halloween goodies and a fridge full of cold brewskies, and I think we are ready to do Halloween right ! Gonna do it right!

The novelty of having six inch tall Japanese twins for your variety show does NOT outweigh the consequences of pissing off an 80 foot caterpillar. Or sometimes TWO eighty foot caterpillars.
Also, the carnival after hours might be an excellent place to get laid, but it's a better place to get disemboweled.

Halloween Lineup
 

Up until last year, I spent every Halloween trick or treating. I loved it, and still do, but my folks were out last year so I decided to do my duty and stay home to hand out sweets. I also spent much of it writing the Finale to Darkness and Daggers.

This year, however, I'm doing a good old fashioned Movie Marathon. I've chosen the four films I'm going to watch;

The Evil Dead
Hellraiser
Hellraiser II
Halloween

Can you believe I've never seen a Hellraiser film? But I bought them a few months ago. Been saving them for Halloween!

So, I'm sure others of you will be sitting back with a bowl of popcorn, and cool drink and the sound turned up. Any ideas for your lineup?

The first two Hellraisers are pretty good, the rest are crap. Good selection, FC.

Thanks. Should be pretty awesome. Earlier on in the day I'll probably flick on whatever's on the Classic Horror channel. They usually have The Blob or Invasion of the Body Snatchers on at Halloween time.

Damn...I never thought about it that way!

I'm either going classic horror (NotLD, Carnival of Souls, Pshycho, etc) or some of HDC's most disturbing list. I think the party goers will likely ignore the classics whilst they drink, and so the gorier movies might keep them interested and fuck with their little drunk brains.

Maybe a few classics for Derek and I earlier, and then disturbing mind fucks for when people are getting tipsy. Who knows?

Hooper's TCSM, Maybe some Evil Dead one and two...and of course Halloween.

Great suggestions, guys!

I like some of the "cuter" flicks, like William Castle's "13 Ghosts," and also "Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow," and also "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein."

I like "Halloween II" for Halloween...that one often gets a spin. I like the look of it, and the atmosphere, and the slight cheesiness.

I watch horror movies every weekend during the month of October. Been figuring out my list for this year. Right now i only have my Halloween night lineup set it consists of Halloween
Halloween II
Night of the Living Dead
Texas Chainsaw Massacre


Gotta stick with my favorites!

Halloween iii!!!

Sticking with my own personal tradition: Dungeon of Harrow. This has been my Halloween movie ever since I first discovered it...must have been 4 years ago? 5? I've lost track.

Its pretty much the perfect Halloween flick...strange, surreal and abundantly cheesy. Totally embodies everything that is Halloween for me.

Might need to pop her in a night or two early though - considering Halloween falls on a Saturday this year I'm sure there's going to be some sick parties going down. Not really planning to just chill at home with a movie, heh.

and with this list i might survive for a bit

It's good to see you back, Zero!

monkey go "screech, screech, screech! yarp! yarp!"

If there's a party I s'pose I'll have to just stay up later to watch them after the party.

And you reminded me of Halloween II Crabby. I tend to think of the two films as one. A bit like any 2 part episode of a TV show. Think I'll sandwich the night in them two. Start with Halloween, end with Halloween II

Hmm...

Poltergeist I and II,
House,
Creepshow I & II,
The Haunting,
House on Haunted Hill,
Either some Roger Corman's Poe adaptations, or go modern with The Orphanage and Ju On/Ringu,
Halloween III followed by Halloween I & II,
and finally, Sleepy Hollow. The definitive Halloween movie.

Some decent film marathons going on over Halloween.


My Halloween will be spent at my brother-in-law's wedding who, coincidently enough, is having a Halloween themed ceremony. Should be interesting.

Your brother is awesome.

Some facts about Halloween
 

1. Halloween is the Celtic New Year. It was originally a pagan holiday to honor the dead. It took place, as it does now, on October 31st, and was called All Hallow’s Eve (the next day, November 1st, was called All Saint’s Day). It dates back more than 2000 years.

2. The Mexican version of Halloween Day is called Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), and takes place on the 1st and 2nd of November. They use the occasion to to gather together with family and friends and pray for loved ones who have died. They believe that during the Dia de los Muertos, it is easier for the souls of the dead to visit the living.

3. The “Jack-O-Lantern,” according to Celtic folklore, got it’s name from a guy named Stingy Jack, a miserable old drunk who liked to play tricks on everyone from his own mother to the Devil himself.

4. You must hold your breath while walking past a cemetery or you might breathe in the spirit of someone who has recently died. And if I’ve learned anything from years of watching scary movies, there is no way that can be a good thing.

5. Jack-O-Lanterns originated in Ireland, where people would put candles into hollowed out turnips and beets to keep away evil spirits and ghosts on the Samhain holiday.

6. To the original European immigrants who first brought it to North America, Halloween was a celebration of the end of the summer harvest, and they would observe the holiday by gathering around a bonfire to tell ghost stories, sing, dance, and tell fortunes.

7. Halloween is the second most commercially successful holiday (Halloween candy sales average more than $2,000,000,000 [$2 billion] annually). Christmas, of course, is number 1.

8. Tootsie rolls were the first wrapped penny candy in America. They were introduced in 1896 by an Austrian candy maker named Leo Hirschfield, who opened a tiny candy shop in New York City. He named the candy after his 5-year-old daughter’s nickname, “Tootsie.”

9. The ancient Celts believed that spirits and ghosts roamed the countryside on Halloween night, so they began wearing costumes and masks to avoid being recognized as human!

10. It is believed that the Irish started the tradition of trick-or-treating. In preparation for All Hallow’s Eve, Irish townspeople would visit people throughout their neighborhoods asking for contributions of food for a town feast.

11. Another theory is that trick-or-treating originated with a 9th century European custom called “souling.” Christians would go from village to village on November 2nd (All Souls Day) and beg for “soul cakes,” which were square pieces of bread with currants. The more they received, the more prayers they would promise to say for the souls of the donors’ lost loved ones. At that time, it was believed that the dead remained in limbo for some time after death, and prayer, even from strangers, could quicken a soul’s passage to heaven.

12. About 21% of pet owners dress up their pets for Halloween.

13. There is some debate, with opinions generally divided, as to whether or not Halloween is a Satanic holiday. What do you think?

14. In North America, it’s bad luck if a black cat crosses your path but good luck if a white cat crosses your path. In Britain and Ireland, it’s the opposite.

15. Black and orange are the colors of Halloween because orange represents the Fall colors and black represents darkness and death.

16. Superstition says that if a bat flies around a house three times, it is considered a death omen. So if you live in bat country, keep a BB gun handy.

17. It’s bad luck to allow a fire to burn out on Halloween.

18. The significance of black cats is that they are believed to be the protectors of a witch’s powers. If a black cat walks toward you, it brings good fortune. But if it walks away, it takes the good luck with it. Again, keep that BB gun handy.

19. Every year almost without exception, the most popular Halloween costume for women is something that starts with the word “sexy.”

20. Also almost without exception, men who dress up for Halloween in a costume that begins with the word “sexy” do not look sexy at all.

21. Halloween did not become an American holiday until the 19th century because the restrictions of lingering Puritan tradition prevented even the observance of Christmas before the 1800s.

22. It was the transatlantic migration of millions of Irish immigrants following the great Irish Potato Famine (1845-1849) that finally brought Halloween to America. So basically, we have an overseas potato shortage to thank for our second most commercially successful holiday!

23. Halloween was mostly a social holiday from the 1800s until around 1910, when the introduction of postcards first commercialized it. Masks and costumes were not being mass-produced until the 1930s, and trick-or-treating didn’t become a permanent holiday fixture until about 20 years after that.

24. Salem, Massachusetts claims to be the “Halloween Capital of the World,” while at the same time trying to disassociate itself with its history of persecuting witches. Anoka, Minnesota also claims the world title, but sadly has no history of witch trials to make it stand out. For some reason, national attention continues to evade its beloved annual Halloween parade.


25. The Legend of Stingy Jack

One dark Halloween night, a deceitful and bitter old drunk named Stingy Jack managed to trick the Devil into climbing up an apple tree. Once he was in the tree, Jack quickly put crosses all around the tree, trapping the Devil. He then told the Devil that he would not let him down until he promised not to take his soul when he died. The Devil gave the promise and Jack finally let him down.

Years later, when Jack finally died, he met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven and was told that he had lived a worthless and miserable life on earth as a drunken trickster, and so would not be allowed into heaven. He was sent to Hell to talk to the Devil, and once there, Jack reminded the Devil of his promise not to take his soul. The Devil kept his promise and didn’t allow Jack to enter Hell.

Now, Jack was scared and had nowhere to go. All he could do was wander forever in the total darkness between Heaven and Hell. He went back to the Devil and asked him how he could survive when there was no light, and the Devil, in an unusual gesture of kindness, responded by tossing him an ember from the flames of Hell to help him light his way.

Jack placed the ember in a hollowed out turnip, one of his favorite foods which he always carried with him, and from that day on, Stingy Jack roamed the earth without a resting place, lighting the way as he went with his lantern…

I wonder what ever happened to Stingy Jack....he was a good poster.

I had him down as one of your alter-egos, newb. Cant think why...........

My answer to #13: No, I don't

Your Favorite Halloween monster
 

If we had a poll for everyone's favorite Halloween boogeyman, Michael Myers would win both hands down, and with a pretty commanding score.

But what about everyone's favorite Halloween creature/monster? And by monster I mean a real monster.

Mine would have to be Frankenstein's monster...

http://i0006.photobucket.com/albums/...nkenstein2.jpg



...followed by the Horseman from Sleepy Hollow.

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c1...houetted-1.jpg

I always liked The Wolfman

http://www.cinemaretro.com/uploads/wolfman2.jpg

Pumpkinhead is pretty cool as well.

http://blogs.indiewire.com/images/bl...pkinhead-1.jpg

nah...he was actually intelligent.

Have to go with vampires. Followed by werewolves, then Frankenstein, then Pumpkinhead.

What exactly is a 'Halloween' monster? Because normally i'd say Cthulhu but that doesn't seem to fit... I'll go with Pumpkinhead as well.

Knew a few of these but they're all interesting. I think I might have to do the ol' turnip lantern for some authenticity!