The Evil Female Conspiracy
 

Something that's been driving me crazy for a long time, and I can stand it no longer.

I've noticed this little nuance time and again from almost every woman I've worked with/dated/been friends with in general. So subtle, yet it lingers ominously in my mind.

So ladies of HDC, I ask you this: what the BLOODY HELL is up with those little Ziploc baggies of orange crackers?!

They're prevalent in every workplace I've ever seen. I'm not even sure I've ever seen someone eat one of them. Yet there they are, menacing me every day like some kind of evil-culinary decorative soap.

The agony and anguish they cause. I present to you exhibit A: A friendly work conversation turned fiendish.

Female Co-worker: Hey, Flayed! Would you like to share my snack with me?

Famished Flayed: Why yes! Thank you madam, for offering to share your delectable delicacy with me!

Famished Flayed rubs his hands in anticipation, envisioning mounds of beef jerky or perhaps a can of tasty salted cashews. Then, the inevitable bag of offending crappy crackers appears.

Famished Flayed: What the hell is that?!

Female Co-worker (now sprouting horns): HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Seriously, what the hell are those things?

Aww, I'm sorry Sweetheart...As one of the "ladies of HDC", all that I can tell you for sure, is that we horror chicks tend to be a little different than most other girls...So, we probably don't do the same things that the girls you're talking about are doing....In any case...I have no fucking clue what you're talking about, or what those things might be...lol


If I asked you to share a snack with ME...It would most likely be Slim Jims, Hot wings, Black Pepperjack Doritos, a cheeseburger, burrito, or something along those lines...


Maybe what you're talking about is some 'girly' thing chicks do....And so...I (not being the LEAST bit 'girly') wouldn't have any idea...

MY HERO!

Dorritos...mmmmm....
Beef jerky...mmmmm...
Slim Jims...mmmmm....

I do like those Goldfish crackers, though. And Skittles.

Like Rayne, I'm at a total loss as to what the nefarious "little orange crackers" might be. I would advise that you stay the hell away from them.

Little orange crackers....*shudders*

I've seen that orange cracker thing, and it's true. Usually it's cheddar goldfish or Mini-Ritz crackers. Always in a sandwich-sized ziplock bag.

Drives me nuts too. But it balances out because, you know, chicks always have aspirin in their purse. Or a pen, if you have to write something down.

These:

http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thum...y_crackers.jpg

I swear they don't come in any other packaging; just Ziplocs. I don't think I've ever seen them on a store shelf. I'm fairly certain there has to be some kind of evil ritual (most likely involving the eating of a baby) to summon them.

HaHa...Cheezits...But, normally they come in a REAL bag (with logo and everything :D)...Or a box....I don't know what the thing is with the chicks you know, cuz we always just give them to the little ones to nibble on...

Cheese-Its. Yep. Those are the worst kind. They make you stupid, too, if you have more than ten of them. That's what the wimmens want you to do.

Is this the secret? Can I combat these bite sized horrors by talking like the manliest of men, Popeye?

Hey!...I know how to make them stop eating them.....Just tell them that they're REALLY fattening, and that there's something in them that makes their thighs and asses HUGE, while making their tits flat..lol...I'm pretty sure that isn't true (except, I don't know about the 'fattening' part)...But, I DO know that 'typical' chicks are afraid of anything 'fattening'...lol

LOL the girls out here wouldn't touch a cheez-it....they all carry carrot sticks, which is disgusting because they munch them while sipping on a grande soy latte with extra foam....if they eat at all. California is the anorexia capitol of the U.S.

Before I read where you were from, the post automatically made me think of the West Coast. The wimmins in Seattle did that a lot, too. I had one try to convince me to go to a place called 'The Gravity Bar' with her. She showed me the menu, insisting it was great. They offered such wonderful treats as a pita filled with tofu, tempeh, quinoa, brown rice celery & sprouts. To top this off, you could have a fresh glass of grapefruit, lemon, garlic, olive oil and cayenne juice.

*pukes*...No thanks...

Ick, tofu is almost as bad as falafel, or puffed Kashi.....I think the California lifestyle has infected the whole western seaboard. Still, it takes all kinds. I wouldn't live anywhere else in this country.

Yeah, why not libe in the most hellbound state in the country?

..part of The Evil Female Conspiracy...

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d5...71/lippppp.jpg

Tofu is very plain by nature...one has to learn to, yknow...put it with stuff that compliments it, it's like a sponge, filling, yet tasteless in its natural state, and ultra-healthy unless its deep fried. But, if you don't like it, it's more than likely you've just never had it done well. It's excellent in a stirfry or laksa/noodles, and if sliced relatively thin and pan-fried until golden, in a burger with avocado, garlic, thai sweet chilli, soy and alfalfa sprouts, maybe some cracked pepper and a pinch of salt...ot if you learn to make pad thai, it just goes supremely well, I wouldn't prepare one without it...I don't think many people LOVE tofu, it's just something that's a filling alternative to fattier/unhealthier things that can actually be quite nice. All about the effort involved.

As for your problem with falafels...I don't get it myself, but on a suggestive basis, I'd say not to eat them on their own as they're rather dry, they're also something that should be eaten hot and fresh and crispy, not kept behind the window of a store, cold, or reheated as they often are...I like mine made from scratch (more flavour), with tahini and garlic sauce, broken up into pita bread with some chopped lettuce, tomato, chopped cucumber, corriander and lemon juice.

It's the vegitarian food myth...lots of people thing vego food is just shit...but, the truth is, vego food is only shit when you don't know what you're doing.

re: The cracker problem - Bring your own snacks.

I just don't like vegan food. And as far as being hellbound, if this is the most hellbound part of the country....bring it on.

Yeah, I think tofu has its place. But not in a pita sandwich! I had the most marvelous salad once with flaked smoked firm tofu and sweet miso dressing...it was awesome. It was sort of a smoked salmon effect they were going for.

Tofu in hot and spicy and Indian food is TO DIE FOR!!

My friend Wes can take an ordinary box of couscous, tofu, sundried tomatos, parm cheese, and make a meal fit for the Gods. My friend Katie is the same way. She made this tofu spinache pie on this crust (Cheeba, maybe you can help me- the grain didn't have wheat or wheat glutten...it was brown, pardon- but a grainery texture, a litely bitter taste, but good) anyway, that shit was good eatin... Tofutti ice treat...bars or the ice cream-like tofu cream, delice!

I have nooo problem with vego food. If I didn't live with my carnivorous dad in the middle of Southern no where with no health food stores within a million miles, I'd definitely indulge in better and healthier cuisine.

While in college, I did all of my grocery shopping at a health food store. It cost a lot more, but the quality and the health benefits were worth it. Plus they had an itty-bitty cutesy little occult section. (Wanna go shopping with me sometime, Pr3ssur3)

Oo oo! I used to buy this miso salad dressing at the my old grocery haunt.. Holy shit, I used to put it on my tofu burgers.... Yummy!

Miso salad dressing actually sounds interesting.

I just cooked a bit for me parents. Baked potatos stuffed with cabbage, garlic, tomatos, fresh black pepper & topped with asiago cheese. Salmon soup with egg noodles, lettuce, blackened peas, romas & white onion.

I'm no cheeba, but I'm usually fairly happy with how my dishes turn out. :)

Ooh....the baked potatoes sound YUMMY.....how exactly do you do the salmon soup, do you chunk the fish or make a kind of mousse?

Nah, nothing so fancy, dear. I cheated & used canned, because I was (and still am) a little tossed. Normally, though, I probably would have grilled it a bit. I also would have probably used tortilla strips instead of egg noodles. When I got my drink on, though (which is more often then not) I just kind of guerilla warfare it. I'm interested in your mousse idea though. Mind sharing here or through PM?

Oh yeah, I totally forgot about tofu curries....those are so yummy! A spicy yellow curry with tofu and onions, over basmati rice.

You can also put red food coloring on tofu and pretend that it's brains. BRAAAAIIIINNNSS!!!!!!

Absolutely.....I'll send it to you over PM.....:)

See, F2, that's the problem I have with tofu.....the consistency is usually between boogers and brains. Uck. I'm sure there are wonderful ways to use tofu, but every time I've been unlucky enough to encounter it its been super mooshy and gross.

Well, there's different types...the soft type is the stuff that is the most like brains. Firm and extra firm are better for certain things because they can withstand being slow-cooked, or stirred around, for a longer time. In a succelent sauce, a firm tofu can have a yummy smooth consistency not unlike cheese.

Maybe I've just been eating bad tofu.

Eww..That actually sounds DANGEROUS :eek:

Well, if I start seeing dead people, at least I'll know what to blame it on....soon bad tofu will wipe out acid as the psychedelic substance of choice...

If you like the taste of a salted nut roll, try this. I hate those little trianglar candy corn you get at Halloween, but if you put them in a bowl and add salted nuts and eat then together in one mouthful....they taste just like a salted nut roll. Maybe I'm the last to figure this out, but if youi have not tried it, TRY IT! Thank you and good day!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...e-it_small.jpg


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