Dear IA
 

On Zero's request, I've made an advice column. Problems with love? Sex? Money? Money for sex?
Ask "Dear IA" and I'll come up with some bullshit answer.

...why does this remind me of that whole trend Murderdoll started? (We all know how that turned out)

Dear Eye-Ah,

If one is jet-skiing, and one of the wheels fall off, does it take the same number of pancakes to cover a dog house?

Not my field of expertise. If I had to guess, I'd say pumpkin.

Dear Eee-uh,
How do I get more people to vote in my new Movie Villains Tournament?

I bumped it with my vote.

...VOTE FOR THE MOVIE VILLAINS TOURNAMENT RIGHT NOW.

I may not be Mr. Eee-uh, but I know the answer. You give everybody free punch and pie. If that doesn't work, you smack them! :p

Who's advice column?

Oh THAT'S right...

Dear I.A

My girlfriend says I'm living in the past because of the sideburns on my scrotum. I've said to her that classic cuts never go out of style but she doesn't agree and won't compromise. Should I kick her to the curb or bite the bullet and try a more modern pubic hair style?

Disco Sack

Here's a great question.

Hairstyles are one of those physical traits that does change with trends. However, many in my profession go by the "equator rule". That is where anything about your waist line is subject to trends (i.e. haircuts, shirts, make-up, jewelry). Oppositely, anything below the "equator" is free to whatever style and shape the owner desires.

This being said, you should politely explain to your girlfriend that your pubic hair is your business and she should rightly shut her fucking mouth.

Dear I.A,

I have had this problem for sometime now and really need to get it under control. I fart too much. So uh..Can you help me ?

Dear IA:

I stupidly made a flippant comment to a 'friend' that he (or she) should start an advice thread on a message board. . . well, sadly, he (or it) did so and now its a silly embarassing disaster. . . what should I do?

Signed,
Embarassed for him on HDC



:D

Dear IA,

I am starting to feel that my welcome on HDC has been worn out. What should I do?

-_-VampiricClown-_-

Dear I.A.

I've been reading your column ever since it came out. I'm a huge fan!

But anyway, here's my question:

Should I fake my orgasms?

Thanks!

-Kev

Dear IA;


I know a person who we shall not mention by name, but his welcome has been worn out. How do I tell him this without hurting his feelings?

dear I.A.,

my girlfriend is upset with me because i insist on listening to "the battle hymn of the republic" during lovemaking....she claims it's distracting,i tell her it inspires me....what to do? please help sort this mess out I.A.



-momo

Dear IA;

VampiricClown won't stop whining cause I told him his welcome was worn out. How do I get him to stop?

Dear IA,
(this is an actual question sent in to an advice column I just found)My boyfriend wants to have sex with me, I'm a virgin and I'm 13, I really don't know and I'm not really comfortable with my body.Where would be the best place to have sex, and do you think I should shave my pussy or no?
-Young and Confused

Dear IA,

Someone isn't answering their column. How should I let them know that they should?

-_-Broken Disaster-_-

Whining? Hmmmm.....

Vampric Clown reminds me so much of
one of my freinds 'silk'
You just want to wrap a cottonball around him and keep him safe..

Is that a good thing or bad?:confused:

Yes, yes I can. This is not a mental problem, this is your body telling you something's wrong. I suggest you start listening to your body; start jogging more, eat less pasta and red meat, and start using enemas.... lots of em'.

Hmm... kill yourself?

You can go somewhere else, or you could write a letter to someone you love sharing your distaste. Again, not my area of expertise.

Faking orgasms is hard for men to do. The semen's a dead giveaway. Maybe you could say you're pulling out then put your penis out of view, and let your facial expression give the IMPRESSION you ejaculated on the floor, or a coat... or a chair.

Seems as though you already did. I suggest you and this person have a clsoe one on one... and start kissing each other, hardcore.

You should explain to her that this music is for both of you. Without it, the passionate love-making you two experience is all but lost... a slow-paced, boring experience where everyone ends up crying. She'll understand.

As an answer to your first question, you should only have sex when you're absolutely ready. And you're only ready when your significant other TELLS you that you are. If your boyfriend says its time to go, it's time to GO.

In answer to question two, you're 12. How hairy can your *edit* be?

Oh, and have sex in a bed.... usually a good choice.

I apologize for my lack of replies, I've been busy. But I WILL answer them all all in a row right now.

Dear IA,

I have reached my 1,000 post goal. Should I leave HDC now?

-_-VampiricClown-_-

the sacred number is 1111 - but that's already been used. . . i'd wait for 3333!

No, you should start a thread celebrating that 1,000th post much like I did when I hit that young milestone.

Dear IA,

I've had an erection for more than three hours. What should I do? :p

Don't you do it damnit!!! You're too cool to just walk out on us like that!

Jerk the fuck off already.

Dear IA,
I want a cigarette, my sister has them, she is about 40 minutes away, I don't have a vehicle here, and I'm watching two babies under the age of 9 months, what should I do?
Feenin in Misoury

This is an interesting dilemma. Cigarettes are obvious addictions. Its been proven over time that one thing that cures an addiction is another addiction. My advice to you is to try drinking heavily, if there's alcohol in the house. If not try the old fashioned approach and sniff a permanent marker.

LMFAO!!!

Dear IA, (serious question)

My dog isn't the bravest dog (he's a pussy). How do I make him a little bit more brave?

Bravery is a character trait, and sad to say, maybe your dog just isn't brave. Many dog owners have "toughened" their dogs up by showing them a lack of love, reducing their feeding and using physical abuse.

My suggestion to you would be to accept that your dog is a wimp, it sure as hell beats the alternative.

Hell yeah it does! I love my dog! It's just that he's afraid of paper bags, trash cans, bowls (including his own bowl), etc. But, I'll still love him! Thanks for the advice!