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Congrats Pap & Scouse! Good luck! |
The challenge will be posted, however, an answer may not be required so soon. The deadline will give plenty of time.
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Well- excellent storytelling there Gate Master! I look forward to watching the three survivors battle it out.
.... though I gotta say... I really don't think Noir could get the best of Rayne in a fight like that.... |
Thankyou, Neverending.
You were a very good contestant. Sadly, luck wasn't with you and you ended up going around in circles. However, you were still productive and it was a shame to see you go. |
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I was gone for most of this game, so it makes sense :) EXCELLENT storyline, truly...I'll be watching to see how it turns out. |
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http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l2...b64981f804.jpg :p I look forward to the next stage of the competition. Congrats Bwind and Scouse Mac ! :D |
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Welcome finalists. You are now in what some would call limbo. I call it home. It is a place to the side of reality and underneath plausibility, yet it is very much real. It is a world where things can be shaped and orchestrated with the right power. However, that is not truly important at the moment.
The next challenges will be much tougher than the previous ones and will be testing several areas.
For each of these challenges there will be a certain number of points awarded. At the end of the challenges, the finalist with the most points will be the victor. The challenges will be posted and you will be required to state your answer in the thread as well as send it to me in the form of a private message. Now, on to the first challenge. Each contestant is given control of a setting in this challenge. You have the powers of a God and more; you control people's free will. Each of you have a room under your control. It is a waiting room at a Dentist's. In the waiting room is the receptionist, a young teenager and an elderly lady. The receptionist is sitting behind a desk witha computer in front of her. There are several shelves of files and some toothpaste bottles. A phone ids to the side of her and there is a desk lap on. The elderly woman is sitting in a chair near the window. The window is slightly open and the old woman is carrying a small green bag. She is reading a magazine and sucking on a mint. Several seats across from her is the young gothic teenager who has long purple hair and a school bag. They are listening to an iPod which is blaring out some loud rock music. The chair is just in front of a large picture painted by the local primary school. Your task is to have two out of these three character's die. They can be murdered, they can die of a freak accident etc. You can do literally anything. You can add new characters, however it must be two of the described characters that dies. You will be marked on descriptive skills, the entertainment that the death provides and how creative it is. If you have the sun explode and kill them, you obviously need to put more work in. The answer may be as long as you like. You have until Monday 12:00pm EST to submit your answers in both the thread and PM. If there are any further questions, please do not hesitate to ask. |
An Important Note
I am not asking you to write a story. You are to describe a scene.
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Can we have dialogue and write it as like a movie scene or something?
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Dialogue is aloud and it can be written as a scene. Just remember it is the description of the death that I am most interested in. If dialogue progresses the scene then it is fine.
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This is worrying...
The deadline is but one day away and there are as of yet no answers. Why...you wouldn't want to face the forfeit would you? |
Ive come up with and subsequently discarded at least four ideas!
Im favouring something completely silly and over the top for entertainment value but sacrificing logic. |
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Keep working at it, I look forward to the result. |
The Story of Franklin
Behind the receptionist, a small black cloud develops. This cloud expands quickly, unbeknown to the woman working at the desk and finally, with a small noise like that of microwave completing its task, a shape appears from the dark smog. It took Franklin the Tooth Fairy a few seconds to adjust to the bright lighting of the waiting room. He glanced around and saw the woman immediately in front of him typing furiously on a computer. An old woman was completely engrossed in her Surfing magazine whilst a young lady with long purple hair had her eyes closed, slumped in a chair with one leg resting across the arm of another, her head bobbing up and down in time to loud music. Silently, Franklin reached around his back to pull Ol’ Extractor from its harness and dropped it to his side. The receptionist was still working at the computer when the phone rang. She turned slightly to reach for receiver, bringing young Franklin into view. The beginnings of a scream was just about to tickle the first of her vocal chords when the massive spiked hammer came rushing up to catch her on the chin. The three inch spikes nailed her lower jaw to the roof of her mouth, her tongue all but shredded. Franklin smiled as he grabbed the top of the womans head with a massive hand and pulled the hammer towards him with his other. The receptionists jaw came free with a sickeningly wet crunch, her body collapsed, blood sprayed and several teeth fell to the floor. 'Fresh teeth! I love fresh big person teeth!’. Franklin’s bellow startled the two women in the waiting area who were oblivious until then. The young woman screamed as she saw the giant black shape reach down and gather the fallen teeth before putting them in his mouth. He walked over to her, his mouth working away as the teeth crunched and cracked as he ate. The goth girl screamed and started to run but Franklin once again raised Ol’ Extractor and brought it swinging around to connect with her side. Ribs were shattered, flesh and sinew destroyed. She fell to the ground, dark blood pumping onto the clean white tiles. ‘Mmmm. You have nice new teeth!’ Franklin happily exclaimed as he knelt down by the girls ruined form. She mumbled and moaned, the pain overwhelming her senses. Franklin took hold of the top of her jaw and snapped a large chunk off, opening up a gaping hole in the side of her face. The dying girls scream was weak and pale, blood pouring down the back of her throat, choking her. The piece of jaw was already in Franklin mouth, his teeth and tongue busying away removing the teeth from the bone. He stood up, raised the hammer high and brought it crashing down on the girls head. He opened up a small pouch in his belt and began to gather up the teeth from the wrecked face of the girl. The old lady had been watching all this, too petrified and shocked to move. Franklin looked at her and slowly stood up again, moving towards her grinning. ‘My favourite! Granny teeth for pudding!’ The old woman put her hand to her mouth then dropped it and reached out to Franklin, opening her palm as he approached. He looked down and cried, ‘NOOOOOO! That’s not fair! I want my pudding!’ He picked up the false teeth from the womans hand and threw them to the floor, ‘They don’t taste nice at all’, he explained to her before turning away and waving his hands in a strange signal. The dark cloud began to form above his head. ‘Whats the meaning of all this noise?’ Exclaimed the dentist as opened the door to the waiting room. Franklin spun round , smiling manically. ‘PUDDING!' The End |
Thankyou very much for your entry. I will reserve my judgement until the deadline is up.
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Haha! Very cute, Scouse. :)
Ferret, I'll finish mine later today. |
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Thanks for noticing, but what do think about my story? ;) :D |
Man, that was brutal, Scouse!
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Coleman, the Gothic Teen, is really rocking out to his IPod. An especially heavy song begins. He cranks the volume to max and begins to headbang silently in his seat. His head throbs dangerously close to the large picture frame behind him with each motion.
Cheryl, the Receptionist, glances over her computer screen and scowls, annoyed at the amount of noise escaping his headphones. Ethel, the Elderly Woman, continues reading her magazine, oblivious. Cheryl, too distracted to work, decides to speak up. "Would you mind turning that down?" Coleman keeps headbanging without responding. She speaks up. "HELLO?" No response. Cheryl looks to Ethel for sympathy to her plight, but Ethel is still engrossed in her magazine, completely oblivious to her surroundings. Cheryl lets out a heavy sigh, then a tube of toothpaste nearby catches her attention. She reaches for it. Her sleeve brushes a cup of coffee next to her keyboard. The cup teeters, but does not fall. She snatches the tube of toothpaste from the shelf and hurls it across the room. It narrowly misses Coleman's head and bounces off the large picture frame behind before falling harmlessly to the floor. Coleman looks up at Cheryl in shock just in time to see her gasp as the massive picture frame comes crashing off the wall and smashes into his head. Coleman hits the floor, a bloody mess, surrounded by glass shards and tattered finger paintings remnants. Cheryl springs in to action. She hops over the desk to help, but lands on the tube of toothpaste. The cap and a stream of toothpaste erupt from the tube and plaster the back and cover of Ethel's magazine. Ethel remains oblivious to anything going on around her. Cheryl's ankle rolls on the tube of toothpaste and snaps with a sickening crack as she falls facefirst in to the shards of broken glass. Cheryl, her face a bloodied mess and her ankle at a 90 degree angle, looks up to see a large shard of broken glass embedded in to Coleman's neck and a pool of blood growing quickly around his head. She looks the other way to see Ethel still reading her magazine. She gasps. "Please... Call an ambulance! I'm a hemophiliac!" Ethel continues reading with no response. Cheryl, losing more blood from her cuts than the average person would, begins to claw her way across the floor towards Ethel. Just as she within an arm's length of Ethel's ankle, her body goes limp and she loses consciousness. The clock on the wall spins quickly, signifying the passage of time. Twenty three minutes go by. The door to the back of dentist's area opens up and the dentist, Dr. Anderson, appears. Without looking up from the file he's got his nose buried in, he speaks in a loud, booming voice. "Mrs. Garrett!" Ethel looks up and smiles sweetly at the dentist from behind very thick glasses. She folds her magazine and sets it down. She stands up, nearly stepping on Cheryl's pale frame. She makes her way across the waiting room, still completely oblivious to her surroundings, and follows Dr. Anderson in to the back. The End. |
Haha- funny, bwind!
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Thanks NE, I did have something a little more subtle planned but discarded it for an over the top gore fest. @bwind: That was a quality piece! I could see a Final Destination vibe there. |
2 hours and 31 minutes until the deadline is up. Papillon Noir is yet to submit.
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The Old Woman calmly flips through her magazine, sucking loudly on her mint. CAW! CAW! She jumps, hearing a crow through the open dentist window. She glances up, looking outside, and there on the tree are hundreds of crows. They fill every branch, looking almost like leaves. Old Woman puts down her magazine as stands, walking closer to the window.
CCCAAAWWW! The crows scream in unison. Horrified, the Old Woman takes a step back, turning to the Goth Teen, "Do you see this? These crows?" The Goth Teen takes no notice of her, his eyes closed as he thumps his foot to the beat of his heavy rock music. Old Woman mutters about "youths today", before turning back to the window just as a crow flies towards it, slamming it self at the glass as another one tries to nudge it's way into the slight opening. Old Woman staggers back to towards the receptionist, "Uh, Miss? I think there's something wrong..." Annoyed, the Receptionist looks up from her typing, "What is it now, Mrs...Oh my God!" she shrieks, seeing the crows attacking the window. The window cracks, then shatters. The murder of crows funnel into the waiting room engulfing the Old Woman. She screams, and then her cries die out as the crows tear out her tongue and devour her eyes. They tear at her throat, blood gushing in torrents. Ripping through her flesh, the crows guzzel down bits of flesh and sinew. The Receptionist runs to Goth Teen, ripping the ipod from his ear and shaking him frantically, "Help her! Do something!". Goth Teen looks at her calmly, and with a small smile responds, "I am doing something." One of the crows lands on his shoulder and he pets it affectionately. "You! What are you?" Receptionist whispers as she backs against the wall. "Just someone who tires of waiting," Goth Teen, snaps his fingers and all the crow stop their feasting and looks at Goth Teen. With a small smile, Goth Teen subtlely indicates the Receptionist. "Nooooooo!," the Receptionist shrieks as she starts to flee. CCAAAWWW! The crows flock to her like a giant black vortex, encircling her with such a force that her feet are lifted from the ground. The crows tear into her, hitting several arteries as blood sprays the walls like red paint. Her screams die down as the crows release her. Her mutilated corpse falling to the floor. Goth Teen looks at her corpse, thoughtfully. Most of her flesh was gone, her bones glinting white through what was left of her clothes. "Oh, my God!" the Dentist gasps as he entered the room. "Well, it looks like I'm next, huh Doc?" Goth Teen grins, clapping a hand on the Dentist's shoulder as he walks back towards the exam rooms. The Dentist just crumples to his knees in horror. A crow hops towards the Dentist. CAW! The End. :) |
Very nice Papillon! :)
Bloody teenagers, no respect these days |
Thanks, Scouse!
Damn kids! :p |
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I'm sorry to say, one very short phrase did let you down. You had the old woman reading a surfing magazine. This does not come across as an ordinary thing, however, seeing as it was your world, I let it slip. There are older women who are surfing enthusiasts. Overall, these are your marks. Creativity: 3/3 Logic: 3/3 Perception: 1/3 The way you presented the deaths lost you certain marks, as did your title. The story of Franklin. You shifted the focus of the scene to character rather than deaths. Remember, you were tasked to focus on the murders. I understand though, that because your deaths were made by a person and not a chain of events, you had to describe him in some way. Still, the entire paragraph where you had him reject the old woman's dentures was not necessary. It was a good read, but you had already completed the task and you did not need that in there. I'm afraid that brought you down to 1/3 for perception. Because you presented it as a story, it was good that you decided to wrap it up, but because you did it as a story you felt the need to complete the scene logically. That was what made writing it in that format so difficult. You gained marks for logic but lost them for perception. Overall, you scored 7/9. You should be proud of that. |
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Your characters did act in strange ways though. For one, the receptionist shouting at the teen twice then resorting to throwing toothpaste at him. It didn't come across as realistic. Why didn't she stand up and go over to him. They weren't exactly busy. Also, the older woman at the end and the dentist not noticing the bloody scene. And just like Scouse Mac you opted for a final scene which did not need to be there. These are you marks. Creativity: 3/3 Logic: 1.5/3 Perception: 2/3 It was a very entertaining read and even though I didn't feel the receptionist would have thrown the toothpaste, when fitted into the death scenes it put things together nicely. The deaths were maybe not as gruesome as they could have been and even though the focus was the deaths, I feel most of that was the lead up. Still, you got good marks. 6.5/9 |
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Unfortunately, the idea of birds being murderers in large numbers and pecking out eyes has been done before, as you know, so you lost points for creativity there. I did like the way you had the birds controlled by somebody, however. But as with Scouse Mac, presenting it as a story put you in a tricky position. You had a person killing so you needed to explain his motives in some way, but you didn't want it too character focused. I think you dealt with this well by having him have very few motives, similar to Michael Myers. Your marks were, Creativity: 1/3 Logic: 3/3 Perception: 2/3 You, like the others, chose to have a concluding paragraph showing what you made happen after the deaths, which was not needed. However, your one seemed to fit the best. However, your task was you creating two deaths in the scene, not telling a story. The idea is that you are sitting just outside of their world orchestrating events. Everything you made happen afterwards was not necessary. These were people you were controlling, and though I refer to them as characters in my marking, they were not. They were people in a world who you took control of. So, even though yours did fit the best, I could not justify giving you more marks than the other two for perception. Your overall marks were 6/9. Be pleased, you did very well. And there are more challenges where each of you can do better...or worse. We will find out. |
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Just thought that might be amusing and different. Didnt want to have her reading knitting monthly or some celeb magazine. Quote:
Thought Id best explain why she wasnt killed like the other two and emphasise the motivation behind Franklins actions. I understand your point about it being superfluous to the task though. |
That was why writing it as a story was a difficult task. I thought all of you handled it very well though. There are many who would have come up very short.
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The Second Task
This task will mostly be testing your logic and perception.
You are each in three identical worlds. These are worlds I created. You can feel pain, you feel all the pain you would normally. The only difference is that when you die, it isn't the end. You come back to my home realm. This is the situation you are in. You are in the woods, but near a road. You have a small moped with you but the woods are too covered in roots and hills and thick trees that you would never get anywhere. Up a relatively steep hill is the road. The only way to take the moped up is to drag it. The hill is about 100 yards from bottom to top. The road is flat and straight but there is no activity on it. Alternatively, a ten minute jog away through the woods is a small hut with various garden equipment in it. The shed is locked but with a good kick could easily open. There are large branches on the ground. About five miles down the road is a small gas station. You know the owners of it. There is no phone there but they do keep a gun. Alternatively, splitting off that road is a dirt track that leads to a dried out quarry filled with old cars and animals. The track is quite long and there are several turns in it, as well as it being very bumpy. It would be difficult for a moped to go along it. In the opposite direction to the hut is a very shallow river/ stream. There are trees hanging over it. It's about a five minute jog. All the trees in the woods are climbable. There are lots of pine needles on the floor. Now, the reason you need to know all this is that you have a violent murderer on your trail. You stole a very expensive antique vase from him. It is in you backpack. It's worth a lot but is also heavy. The man is a fast runner and good tracker. He's no more than five minutes behind you. He carries several knives and a shotgun as well as a pistol. He knows the area well and is very trigger happy. There is no investigating for him. If he sees a movement he shoots. He also has a car no more than two minutes from the road, although he wouldn't be able to reach it in less than ten minutes. He does have people at home though. Your goal is simple. Survive. Explain to me your plan. This is not a story, you cannot describe what he does. You can describe what you'd hope he does and how it fits into your plan. You also need to describe why you did it. It would be wise to describe why you didn't choose certain paths. All of the information about the surrounding don't mean you are limited to them. You are in woods, you can go where you want and stay where you want. They are the only places of interest though. The rest is just hills and trees. Describe your plan and your reasoning. You are looking for perception and logic. How you see the situation and the most intelligent moves to make. Included with my judging I will explain your fate. It will not serve to boost or lower your marks. If you die, it doesn't mean you failed. It is why you die or live that I'm interested in. If you make a move that is very predictable then he is likely to find you. If you have a very good plan but there is one very small flaw that leads to your death it may not matter. You have until Saturday at 12:00pm EST to submit your answers both as a post in this thread and an unedited PM to me. Do not be late, you cannot afford it at this stage. There are 15 marks available in this challenge. |
Intriguing test, GM.
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First thing I'd do is assess the situation completely.
Getting the moped up to the road would waste too much time. Ditching the moped and running down the road seems futile since the gas station is 5 miles away and that would take at least 25 minutes to run, plus I'd be out in the open with no cover. Heading for the quarry just seems like it'd be a tremendous waste of time since it seems to be a dead end and there's nothing there but broken down cars and animals, neither of which would really help my situation in the slightest. The Shed/Tool Hut may contain minimal items for self defense purposes, but really, what's a hedge clippers or even a chainsaw going to do against a guy with a shotgun? After assessing the situation, I'd scan the ground, looking for a container of some kind. If I can't find one on the ground, I'd have to use the Mountain Dew bottle in my backpack. Since I've ruled out traveling the road, I have no use for the moped so I'd drain the fuel tank in to the container/Mt. Dew bottle. Ideally, I'd find a glass beer bottle laying around and create a molotov cocktail. If I can't find glass, plastic would have to suffice. Once I had drained all the fuel (or as much as I needed to fill my container), I would ditch the moped approximately 30 seconds towards the Shed/Tool Hut (to lead the killer in the wrong direction) and then double back and head for the river. Once I reach the river, I'd toss an empty pack of smokes downstream and the promptly start walking upstream, in the water along the riverbank. There are two reasons for this. 1 is that staying in the water makes a person much more difficult to track, 2 is that walking along the bank provides some cover from the trees lining the river. Now if I am understanding the lay of the land correctly, the road and the river are perpendicular to each other so at some point they would intersect each other. For the road to go over the river, there would need to be a bridge. Since this is in the middle of dense forest, it's likely the bridge would be made of wood and not concrete and steel like bridges in more populated areas. I'd then cross the river, climb the bank and use my container of fuel to torch the wooden bridge. I'd then proceed to haul ass down the road, confident that he can't be approaching me from behind in his car. (For the record if the killer were to catch up to me before this point, the molotav cocktail would serve as my only line of defense and be chucked right in front of him, setting the forest ablaze while I haul ass in the opposite direction.) But for the sake of my plan, I'm going to assume he hasn't caught up to me yet and torch the wooden bridge. As I run down the road, away from the Gas Station, Quarry and burning bridge I'd keep an eye out for any vehicles parked on the side of the road. If I happen to stumble across his car, the first thing I'd try to do would be hotwire it. If that didn't work, I'd search it for any stashed weapons and then let the air out of all of his tires and remove all his spark plugs. Then I'd continue running down the road. While I'm running down the road, I stick close to the edges, not down the middle in plain sight like a sitting duck. I'd keep moving until I came across oncoming traffic, which I'd flag down and get help from or until I hit the next local business. It could be miles, but with all the obstacles I've placed in his way (diversions to throw him off my trail, burning bridges to prohibit him from following in his car, possibly disabled vehicle if I found his car on the side of the bridge that I am currently on) I feel confident that I could make it out alive. |
Congratulations for turning in your entry. I will save my judgement for until either all entries are in or the deadline is up.
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If the owner of a valuable vase was a violent murderer, I wouldnt steal it!
But since I have the first thing I would do is drop the vase. If its heavy and cumbersome then it will slow me down and with a killer on my tail there is no point carrying it. Id much rather live poor then get shot full of holes. I think the key to survival is to travel light and fast so the moped can stay behind with the vase. I would run in the direction of the stream and run through it downstream, although I would ensure a footprint was left in the mud pointing upstream. My thinking here is that going upstream will lead back into the hills and downstream is always to civilisation and that no trail would be left behind me. I would avoid all the local points of interest as these are going to be obvious choices for the killer to pick up a lost trail. Should the stream meet the road, extreme caution would be used, using all available cover. At no point would I attempt to stop a car because, if the killer has people he could contact and a car available, there is no guarantee they wont have a connection. Avoid all contact with people and keep on running. Eventually, I would come to civilisation and hope he hasnt caught up with me If he believes the vase is precious then hopefully he would have found it and gone home(doubtful) but if he has to carry it he would be slowed. Also, no matter how good a tracker and speedy, hes carrying alot of equipment (weight) and would have to cover alot of ground to ensure I never deviate from my track. My straight line speed should easily outpace his. |
Apparently, I stole a vase from the wrong person (or I'm a terrible thief:p ), because now there is a psychopath after me! I'm not going to get away from this heavily equipped guy without incapacitating him because I'm unarmed and he is just too close behind me. Five minutes a not a lot of time and it seems like he would chase me no matter what. I don't have time to set up a trap yet, so I'm going to have to bide myself some time.
The first thing I need to do is ditch the vase. I can come back for it later and right now it's just slowing me down and it could get broken. With all the large branches and pine needles on the ground, I can very easily hide the backpack with the vase in it, off to the side. I can then drag the moped towards the hill to make it appear that I tried to ride it up the hill to the road, but realized it was futile and ditched it. I can then come back to where I started and shimmy up a tree before the guy comes into view. With all the pine needles on the ground, it will be hard to track my footprints and with him being so close behind, there's a real good chance that he'll run right past the tree and towards the road, especially with my ditched moped visibly in that direction. After he's safely out of sight and hearing range. I'll jump down from the tree and high-tail it over to the tool shed. After I kick in the door I need to work quickly as he may have heard me, but that's okay since I want him to come back this way now. Every tool shed has a pick-axe or rake or something pointy that you use to till and I am going to use that to booby trap the door. I'm also assuming that there will be some rope, though if there isn't I could use part of my clothing if necessary. So, I'm going to rig a trap where the pick-axe will swing down from above the door frame when the shed door is opened, the pointy end going into his face/neck and hopefully killing him. I'm going to grab some shears to take with me before setting the trap. After setting the trap, I'm going to close the shed door so that it's just cracked. Then I'm going to cut my hand with the shears and smear blood on the door frame and drip some blood on the ground. Then grab a nearby large branch, half-bury part of it then snap it in half and scream bloody-murder! I'll smear some more blood from my cut hand on the protruding broken branch, use part of my clothing as a bandage, and then run and climb a tree (careful not to get blood on the trunk), several yards away. I will carry the shears with me to use as a back-up weapon. The plan is that he will hear my scream (and hopefully the branch breaking), figure I got injured and come to finish me off. If he doesn't hear me, he will probably come this way eventually, figuring I may hide or look for a weapon here. When he approaches the shed he'll see the protruding bloody branch and a trail of blood going into the shed. Hopefully it will look like I injured my leg or something and dragged myself into the shed to nurse my wounds. He comes in after me, and eliminate himself. I can then take his car keys, retrieve my vase, locate his car, and drive away. If this plan fails, either he dodges the pick-axe or comes to shed but doesn't go in, I will be far away enough (but still elevated enough to see the shed) that I can quietly slink down the tree and run to the gas station. There, I can retrieve the gun and fill an empty gas can or two with gasoline. I can hold up there until he appears and if I am unsuccessful in shooting him, I can sneak out the back, run a trail of gasoline and light it on fire, blowing the gas station and hopefully him with it. Ideally, I will be able to kill him and not have his body explode to steal his keys (and car), otherwise I'll will have go back for the moped and drag it to the road to leave the area. At any rate, I will retrieve the vase to take with me. As for the stream, I don't see how that would help me. The quarry just seems too far away and a place to get cornered. Also, I don't know what kind of "animals" are there and they could be just as deadly as my stalker. So, that's my grand plan and I hope I survive! :D |
Interesting. You both ditched the vase.
I held on to it because if I'm getting killed, at least it won't be empty handed. :) Good luck you 2! |
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