There are some very basic structures in there, I wouldn't have said it was too regimented that i'm sure is a mistake every rookie author makes in an attempt to complete a book for the first time.

I would however be very careful using references to "facebook" and "linkdin" etc as we all know how much trouble the social media super powers can be.

The story line was good, i loved the fact you started straight out with the action.

My 2 issues with it would be...

1 - when you read it, it feels like a constant build up wait for some serious action that never comes. almost cliffhanger ish.

2 - i ran out of pages to read ::big grin::

but otherwise i think you are heading in the "write" direction (see what i did there ::embarrassment::)

i am in no way a professional writer but i am an avid reader, this is just my own opinion.

The story line was good, i loved the fact you started straight out with the action.
 

Hi Jake,

I managed to make a start on your manuscript last night - and I'll start by echoing what teddy said:

'The storyline was good, i loved the fact you started straight out with the action.'

The first few lines grabs your attention and sets the scene up instantly. As an introduction, I thought you nailed it.

Writing in first person is a difficult one. Don't be scared about going off on a tangent, with some detailed prose in-between the main thread. You don't have to remain in the lead character's head all the time; deviate a little just to break it up.

Good luck with the agent/publisher.

I'll read more - and try to remain objective. ;-)

All the best, Paul.

It made me mad when I ran out of ink in my typewriter. AND IT STILL DOES! ::mad::

All, Awesome feedback. This thing is in first draft form so it is currently where it needs to be to be rewritten. That's the whole reason I started posting it here. I don't know what the hell Im doing ::big grin:: So I figured being here would give me a nudge toward how to rewrite it. Friends are to easy to please, I figured yall would be more honest. The next chapter will go up today or tomorrow. I have the entire thing but this forum wont let me post anything longer than 10k words so it takes a few posts to put up each chapter. The plan is to get it all up here and then take all of the feedback and go back at it.

Your welcome. Its going to be great to have you aboard the HDC forum.

I need to branch out into the rest of the forum, Im a huge B-Movie and Cult Movie buff. I love low budget, over the top horror.

But not as good as having me on here though lol ::big grin::

there is loads on here bud, i was shocked when i joined.

This is the reaction of all taxi dispatchers. ::big grin::

Steady on, but there are two of us on here that like the place lol
what is it you do AW??????