A nice Sicilian necktie.

With a big sledgehammer, from behind you while you're reading.

i'd hire chuck liddell to beat unfortunato to death.

Gang raped by Tele-tubbies and cast adrift on a block of ice.

Haha, clever use of my name, bloody.

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Gang raped by trees, then smashed into one.

fortunato- forced into a love triangle with Cameron Mitchell and Totie Fields, then thrown in a woodchipper.

forced to watch dane cook movies looped, till your head explodes.

forced to hear roseanne barr sing the national anthem over and over again

monster123 - I'll rub the lotion on your skin, and then I'll give you the hose again.

Festered ill pull your insides out with my bare hands and hang you out to dry.