Originally Posted by Demonique (Post 735582)

Wow - I can see why your wife liked it - what was once a bares bones story has now grown beautiful bloody flesh dripping with descriptive narrative.
Here is my opinion for what it is worth...
I read it through several times to give it the attention it deserves. Your description has added volumes. I had a prof that always stressed that "word choice and word order" was the secret to a well crafted work of art. This works in fiction as well as poetry. Some of your word choices and order that stand out for me are: "brandished the bloody weapon", "liaison's bestial husband", "terror rooting me as surely as a tree", and "sickening miasma of death". Miasma is a word so rarely used and very Lovecraftian. I think you dropped the word fruition from your third draft. I liked that one too. Anyway, this description adds such veracity to the suspension of disbelief.
The back story of remembered references builds a more stable foundation to the ensuing narrative. I liked it. As soon as you mentioned dissappearances, Roanoke was the first thing to come to my mind. It was a great tie into a historical mystery and, again, gave more creedence to the narratve as a whole. The Lovecraftian inspiration comes through clearly. I was reminded of "The Unnameable" (I think it was titled) and the Shoggoths from "At the Mountains of Madness".
All I can say is - wow - I really, really liked it. (Can you write some more?)
Oh - and listen to Doc Faustus - you might want to look into submitting it.:D

Originally Posted by Vodstok (Post 735583)

its been a while since i have had a story this well recieved. Makes me want to revisit some of my old stories and redo them...