Roiffalo |
05-05-2015 01:18 AM |
DNA (1997)
My girlfriend enjoys one of my passions of watching terrible monster movies, so we browsed Netflix for ones to add to our watch list and this was one of them.
(Have some commentary as I watch it)
'Hello, I'm your obvious villain for this shitfest.' We both swear they stole a scene from Jurassic Park. And Romancing the Stone. More Jurassic Park. At least the woman in this wasn't useless. Oh my God they're Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom now. Spoiler alert. They recreated Alien. Horror movie rule #7: Mock God, and you will be smited. Nerdy guy and black guy, they're tooooootally gonna make it to the end of the movie. Stupid Alien-wanna-be, eat the damn kid and shut him up. Honestly how does something that keeps giving away it's position still making it out alive?! And there goes the nerd. Another Jurassic Park scene HAVE YOU NO SHAME, MOVIE. Ugh for a JP rip-off not near enough people are getting ate. Mostly bad guys and henchtards being a threat. Aaaaaand there goes the black guy. That's racist, movie. Your evil knows no limit. Oh oh oh, the black guy still lives! But they're using him as bait. Now he's getting mauled. And thanks to the not-so-useless-female he'll live to see another scene. Don't fucking swear in front of the kid, man. Woah they sure abandoned black guy pretty quick... okay NOW I'm sure he's dead. Unless he could survive an explosion. Wait... wasn't there an alien monster thing they should be worried about? ...Helicopter with missiles taught to aim by storm troopers works too. And they stole the t-rex eye sight thing. Obvious attempt for romance scene is obvious. Some really bad CGI. Think we're coming up on the end of this crap now... OMFG THERE'S STILL A 4TH OF THE MOVIE LEFT HOW. Movie, explain how the damn thing can turn invisible. And why the kid would go off by himself to get mauled. 17 minutes left uugghhhh "Maybe there will be 15 minutes of credits" Thanks, babe, my hopes have been renewed. This CGI is so painful to watch. They didn't even NEED to CGI climbing on a damn rock! Oh thank God it's dead. That means the movie is over right? RIGHT? Please be 7 minutes of credits. Don't you even think of forcing romance into this crap, movie. You haven't had ANY character development for tha- godfuckingdammit. Why was this rated R? No boobs, no good blood or violence, JUST. WHY.
TL;DR - The only thing I recommend is the Pop*Secret popcorn I ate during this boring piece of poser crap. I rate this movie 'U' for UNWATCHABLE.
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