Just read the edited part. Very nice. Very nice indeed. Congragulations. But you may want to not talk like that. Saying "I" instead of "He" or "hisname" isn't normaly how it is written in a book. Or, at least, not any book I've read. It makes it sound like a Journal.

It's written from a first person perspective, as if the author is living out the events as he's writing them. It's hard to do, believe me, but I thought it was necessary for the story.

I did the same thing with Gloom. It is hard, but if you do it right, it is very rewarding.

Also, for something like this, i think it adds something more intimate and creepy than 3rd person. :D

Ohhh... That puts an extra eerie twist into the story. Makes the story seem real, as if this is not fiction at all. Well, keep up the good work.

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