in admist all the chaos ..the angel comes in dragging the tree ..and asks..'saint nick ..where do you want me to put this,,??
In the corner'. he replies.
which corner..'.??
any corner..?
the angel looks around ..'what about over here..'?..she asks
I don't care'..says nick
well??asks the angel..'which corner do you mean'..??
'look' says nick..'i don't really care where you put the fucken thing..just put it where ever you like'..
'but' nick'..'hollers the angel..'i need to know where you think it would look nice'
By now santa is getting highly frustrated..
'Angel dearest'...just put the tree anywhere ok'
Not happy with this reply..the angel stomps her foot and demanded..'BUT WHERE'??..


and now you all know why the Angel sits on top with the tree shoved up her ass' :o

im English:P

Aren't martyrs supposed to be burnt or something?
I have charcoal. And a meatfork.

Santa woke, breathing heavily and sweating.

"What is it dear?" Mrs claus asked.

"I had the worst dream. you were having sex with Gabe and Donner, and for some reason, i lost it and killed you."


"But you were the one that artanged our three-ways, Santa..."

"I know... It turns me on to see them touch you. I bet that Oz bitch Glinda cast another curse on me for joining in when she introduced the flying monkey."

Mrs Claus smiled. "how about i light your yule log chris?" she smiled. santa noticed her pants had slipped and her breast was now showing. "My tree is already blinking, my snowy whore. How about i make a blizzard on your cheek?"

:rolleyes:

IS THAT IT!!!!!???????
sheesh' 'throws a pillow at ya'

Someone else is suppposed to pick up from there

Mrs. Claus rolls her eyes and says, "Ya know, you can call it whatever you want...blizzard, snow cone, a little bit of the frosty snowflake, but it still smells like hot death."

Just as things were getting cosy between mr n mrs claus..
the ninja turtles jumped down from the ceiling ..swaying thier ninja swords around in a ninja fashion...
eeeeeeeeeeps 'cried mrs claus'..
michael angelo has detatched santa from his log'..
'its ok ..says donetello..'..
'i can easily assist you and carry on from where santa left off..only one slight problem..we have no zipper on the front of our shells..'

suddenly a loud thumping made everyone - who were already on edge for various reasons - jump out of their skins.

What the hell is that" santa exclaimed, painfully folding his swollen tackle back into his long johns as he headed for the window.

cupping his hand over his eyes to shield the light so he could see outside, his heart leapt into his throat like charlies glass elevator. He was looking right into the eyes of the Abominable Snowman ! The hairy perverted Yetis peepers were bloodshot and glazed over ... apparently due to the same source as the thumping they heard. The matted man thing had been watching the escapades inside the Claus's house the whole time, simultaniously working his humongous trouser snake.

unfortunately, being about 100% below zero at the north pole, his 'money shot' froze in mid air, forming a long thick solid arc right to the side of the house. The snowman began to howl in pain, frustration, and embarrasment, afraid to move because of the potential damage that would ensue in the attemp to free himself.

"Jesus Christ Almighty", thought the Yeti through his fog of pain and anguish, "and I thought a toothache hurt !!"